Quick! Insert Two Cups of Margaritas!

When I asked my neighbor for advice, he totally cracked me up  with the description of his wife!  #funny #marriage #humor

So then…I kick the dishwasher. And the dishwasher is singularly unimpressed.

So I hop online and send an email to some of my friends in the neighborhood:

Dear Neighbors:
Did this happen to any of you when the power went out yesterday? When it came back on, my dishwasher now makes an odd persistent ringing noise.  The “reset” button won’t work, nor did unplugging and plugging it back in. If you have advice (or a dishwasher repair guy), please let me know! Otherwise we’ll have to wash dishes by hand! Gasp! Thanks, Darcy

A few people send me names of repairmen; then I receive this priceless email from my neighbor Dan:

My dishwasher makes an extremely annoying and persistent noise every time she washes the dishes…it started well before the power went out the other day, but certainly got worse during those hours…

Whereas yours makes an “odd persistent ringing noise,” mine makes more of an “incessant whining and bitching noise” that sounds more like: “Why do you always have to use so many dishes??…..Why can’t you bring your dishes to the sink??…..Why can’t you ever wash the dishes as well as I do??…..”

She was working fine when I first got her, but sometime right after I got married, the noise began…unfortunately there’s no way to unplug mine either…

Sorry I can’t help on yours, but any advice on dealing with mine would be greatly appreciated!!
– Dan

I crack up because I know Dan and his wife Tina — and they’re both very funny.

I write back:
Omigosh, Dan, I literally laughed out loud when I read your email! And yes, I do have advice on how to deal with the “incessant whining and bitching noise” emanating from your dishwasher. Buy your dishwasher a dozen roses and a gourmet meal at a restaurant so there are no dishes she has to wash — then watch the kids for a whole day so your dishwasher can lunch with pals, see a chick flick, have a massage, then enjoy a manicure for those poor wrinkled dishwasher hands of hers! – Darcy

Darcy, I tried that already…it worked REALLY well that night, but was back to the same malfunction the next day…
– Dan

You slay me!! If you want to keep your dishwasher running smoothly, insert 2 cups of frozen margaritas daily!
– Darcy

(When I share these emails with a friend, she says: “First of all, tell him the thing to insert isn’t a margarita!”)

— Darcy Perdu

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(Ever have any appliance (or spouse) malfunctions happening at YOUR house?)

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7 replies on “Quick! Insert Two Cups of Margaritas!

  1. Mary L. Waitt said:

    OMG Darcy, That is too funny. I am still chuckling over the neighbor’s reply and your advice. Love it.

  2. Hahaha oooh, this made my day. Thank you!

    My kitchen is eerily quiet these days. It used to house a refrigerator that made all kinds of spooky noises. We used to blame the house Imp. Sometimes it would start banging so loud we feared the fridge would sprout legs, chase us around the house and eat us alive.

    Sometimes, especially if you entered the kitchen at nights when the whole house was asleep and quiet, it would give out this wailing groan just when you walked past it. At other times it would give out this high-pitched whistle sound. It was frightening and hilarious at the same time.

    We knew it was dying, but we couldn’t afford a new one at the time. I think the old fridge knew this and stayed alive for as long as we needed it to. The frequent frights it gave us all, was the price it demanded.

    My kids will probably be afraid of kitchen appliances for the rest of their lives. I used to tell them this is what happens if you offend your kitchen appliances by not treating them correctly – as in stuffing them with unhealthy food, or making milkshakes more than once a week, etc.

    I have to admit I kind of miss the old monster-fridge.
    Cara(Eli) recently posted..*Whoosh* – the sound of yet another week flying byMy Profile

  3. Katherine D said:

    OMG now I am craving frozen margaritas! lol sound advice if you ask me!

  4. Love it! My dishwasher (aka me) makes similar bitching noises!

  5. My automated kitchen cleaner runs on food, juice and beer. But it also malfunctions. It nags a great deal “Why don’t you ever wipe the counters?” “Who did not pack the dishwasher?” I thought women were supposed to be the nags.
    Vivian recently posted..I am not a lizard personMy Profile

  6. A very funny and thought provoking blog post. Thoughtful because it made me go look at my dishwasher. I mean the stationary one that is under a counter in the kitchen and I can tell if it stops working, kicking it won’t help. The same for the clothes washing machine and the dryer next to it. These are even more problematic for a male who fearfully quickens his pace when he passes by them. All the buttons, knobs, switches, choices and modifiers have “”Darling Wife” written all over them ……So then…I follow your shrewd advice and do the next best thing to kicking the hell out of appliances. I buy ample quantities of Grey Goose, Club Soda and lime for the mobile warm-blooded dishwasher with arm and leg attachments and I pray we never have a failure that goes beyond hiring a sober repairman to get us out of the soup.
    Ben Swilley recently posted..Fat Tuesday in AthensMy Profile

  7. Pingback: Darcy Perdu is Getting Possessed with Kathy and the Dishwasher! | My dishwasher's possessed