I’m Sorry — WHO Planted That Evidence?

Who Planted That Evidence
So then…he says, “Listen, I have bad news.”

“What kind of bad news, Sam?” I ask the broker on the phone. “Your client’s scheduled to move into one of our office buildings next week. He’s already signed the 7-year lease, so he can’t try to renegotiate terms now.”

“Well, no, it’s not the terms. It’s my client. Philip told me this morning that his company can’t lease your building,” the broker says.

“What? Why?” I ask.

“Well, the FTC shut him down, seized his documents, and froze his assets for allegedly advertising fraudulent government grant programs,” he explains.

“Are you kidding me, Sam? You’re his broker. You vouched for him. You gave us references who vouched for him. We’ve already paid your commission out of his deposit – but now we lost this tenant and have to start over looking for a new one? How could you not know he’s running an illegal operation?” I ask.

“Oh, he’s totally innocent,” says Sam. “But you know the FTC – if they can’t find evidence against ya, they’ll just falsify documents to prove you guilty.”


(Oh, yeah, I did hear that about the FTC – in Communist Russia — in the 50’s!  Not. Since when does the Federal Trade Commisson have a reputation for framing businesspeople?)

If I ever get arrested, that’s what I’m going to say: “Oh, I’m totally innocent — but you know the cops, if they can’t find evidence on ya, they’ll just plant it.”

(Hmmmm. Well, actually, that defense DOES work. As long as you’re a celebrity.)

— Darcy Perdu

(Anyone try to give you a lame excuse to get out of a deal? Ever been accused of fraud by the FTC — or Russian Communists? Ever planted evidence on someone – like a sibling, perhaps!?  Post a comment!)

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9 replies on “I’m Sorry — WHO Planted That Evidence?

  1. That is absurd. He’s totally innocent! lol That’s the funniest thing I have heard in a long time. Hey, in that case…. if anyone gets pulled over for DUI, just say the cop drank and tested his own breath just to say it was me… I swear.

  2. DWP said:

    An old boss of mine did have a funny story of his sibling framing him for something he didn’t do. When he was young he received a wood burning kit for his birthday. His sister took the kit and burned my boss’ name (Jonathan) into their coffee table. His parents were furious and just would not believe that he didn’t do it. When he tried to convince them it was his sister and not him, his parents asked, “Why in the world would your sister carve YOUR name in the table?” To get him in trouble obviously, that cheeky little minx!

    • Sage said:

      My sister tried to do that to me, by writing my name with markers on the wall. My mom didn’t buy it, however, as I (being about 12) no longer wrote my K’s backwards.

  3. I temped for a few days at a call center. One of the temps did not pitch up for work. She called and said that she had been in a serious car accident. The people running the center called the hospital to see how she was doing. They were so shocked to find out that she was not even admitted to the hospital. The accident never happened.
    Vivian Pitschlitz recently posted..No autographs pleaseMy Profile

  4. Well, I’ve heard similar. “The government shut them down without due process! They want to stick it to the little guy!” I heard those remarks about a recent ponzi scheme.

    This seems kind of related – A friend of ours was owed hundreds of dollar by a guy, so our friend finds an empty envelope in her mailbox from him. She calls debt-guy and he says, “What? I left cash in the envelope! Somebody stole YOUR money!”

  5. Crazy!! I was the “good kid” and my brother was the “troublemaker”. While I didn’t actually frame him, I certainly didn’t speak up when I broke the storm door and he took the fall for it.

  6. Vicky said:

    Our hallway STILL has sharpied, on the wall, “Nick was here” (my brother) in my handwriting from when I was about 7 or 8. I’m nearly 20 now.