How to Get Your Freak On — DISCREETLY

How to Get Your Freak On (DISCREETLY)  #funny #fetish #oops #humor

So then…I totally crack up. My friend Mindy, whose husband produces TV commercials, sends this genuine email to me and a bunch of her friends to request something for her husband’s shoot:

Subject: Rick’s latest commercial
Hey, if you know of anyone who would want to do this… yourselves included, please forward along…

Hands and Feet Wanted for commercial!!!
I am a producer of TV commercials and I’m shooting a Public Service Announcement the week of April 15th.

I am looking for female hands and feet. Age range 21-40.

Pay will be $150 for a one-day shoot at ***** Studio in Woodland Hills.

If you’re interested, please photograph the top of your hands and/or the top side of your feet and email the photos to: *********@********

Please, no jewelry or tattoos.

I know it’s a legitimate request, but I just can’t help myself.  I send a “Reply to All” saying:

That is the most creative method of gathering fetish porn that I have ever heard of!

Clearly Rick is titillated by sexy feet and this is his clever attempt to amass a large collection of feet photos under the guise of a casting call.

Nicely played, Rick, nicely played.

I myself am shooting a PSA commercial about male reproductive organs, so please send me photos of male penises.

Peni? Penises? Not certain of the plural terminology.

Whatever the case, please submit photos to

Unlike Rick who prohibits jewelry and tattoos, I actually prefer such adornments, so go wild!

Age range 21 – 40. No elderly peni please.

My sister responds with:
I’d be happy to share my penis photo collection with you when you visit next weekend.
— Della

My friend Kate responds with:
The plural for penis would be cocks.
— Kate

Ha! Thanks for clearing that up, Kate! I want to be grammatically correct when I solicit my fetish porn!

And speaking of funny porno stories…here’s a doozy!

— Darcy Perdu

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(Receive any odd emails?  Know someone who REALLY likes feet? or hands? or peni?  Would you let your feet be filmed for $150?)

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25 replies on “How to Get Your Freak On — DISCREETLY

  1. I’m just disappointed that the age cut off is 40. I was ready to hand off a foot-photo. (tee-hee)

  2. LOL! Nothing like a good foot fetish freak!

    I just normally receive those emails from some guy in Africa whose father was a general in the army and had amassed a fortune but died and it’s now held in a bank locked away and needs my personal bank info and $10,000 to release it and have it transferred to my account.

    It’s all a scam. I prefer feet instead!
    Phil recently posted..Chill out with Handsome Dan’s snocones in NYC!My Profile

  3. AinOakPark said:

    This is the BEST STORY YET!

    I hope no one actually HAS that email address, because, if they do, “Lucy, you got some ‘splainin’ to do!” (said with a Ricky Ricardo accent), so obviously, I can’t send in hand or feet photos : (but oh, well)

  4. Mark said:

    I always thought the plural for penis was ‘gross’.

    • Ha! I dunno, Mark, sometimes the more peni, the merrier…

  5. You pretty much HAVE TO send him the picture of the beautiful(ly gross) ballerina feet on my ballet blog! I mean, come ON!
    p.s. this is hilarious!

  6. …I think I just peed myself a little from laughing….. oh man! Let me tell you a little story. Once upon a time I was so broke and out of luck I started looking for a job as a babysitter (back when I was freshly 19 and didn’t have much of a care in the world besides finishing school). I began getting text messages and calls from people interested in my services, but I was very picky about location since I didn’t have a car. One man in particular who claimed to be located within 10 miles of my zip code (since I only gave my zipcode as a reference) and needed a babysitter for his daughter, whose photo he eagerly sent my way. He then mentions that he has carpet and needs someone who is willing to wear only socks or be barefoot in the home. I had no problem with that since I understood just how much pain cleaning carpets was. I agreed to follow the rules. He then told me his child was still young (which was confirmed by the photo he first sent me) and that the child was entertained by colorful socks. I replied with “yeah! I bet! I have plenty of fun socks”…… I wasn’t prepared for what happened next. He then asked me to send him photos of my feet, in and out of socks! asked me if my toenails were painted… etc. So the alarm in my head went off “FREAK FREAK FREAK” and I replied, politely mentioning how it’s sick that he used his own child to acquire foot fetish images and that if he was so desperate for feet photos he should give Google search a try. Let’s just say he never replied. Let’s also just say this isn’t my worst story…. Freaks seem to find me always. lol

    • Veronica, I love all your comments on the posts — and this one had me in stitches! This is hilarious!!

        • D-Marie said:

          Sooooo I used to have insomnia. Anyways, one night at around 4 am I found out that there is a section on eBay for people to sell their “dirty” “filthy” socks and/or photos of their “dirty” “filthy” feet. Photos and stinkfest socks were going for $10-40. I wish this were a joke. I read the eBay reviews and UncleCliff69 (I cannot make this up) wrote a glowing review for one such tootsie seller. Look it up if you ever find yourself staring at a keyboard around 4 am.

          • I must confess —

            I AM UncleCliff69…

            Just kidding, of course!

            But if I’m ever in need of cash, emailing photos of my feet might be an easy way to generate a little revenue!

  7. Rhonda B said:

    1st time reader! Cracked up out loud at work at the plural for penis! That was too funny! I’m going through your posts and so far they are all funny. Love the comments! :)

    • Thanks, Rhonda! Glad you’re enjoying them! And now we all learned the correct plural for penis is NOT peni!

  8. Every once in awhile I wind up getting ye olde “Hello Dearest Friend I Am The Widow/Daughter/Concubine Of The Beloved Late President/General/High Muckety-Muck Mombosa Robinson of Nigeria” email scam letter…
    William Kendall recently posted..A Day In The Life Of A CatMy Profile

    • But William, what if that person IS the Widow/Daughter/Concubine Of The Beloved Late President/General/High Muckety-Muck Mombosa Robinson of Nigeria? You need to jump on that opportunity! Just send them your bank account info and secret pin code asap. I’m sure it will work out great!