Five Stages of Christmas Shopping – Can You Relate?

5 Stages of Christmas Shopping - can you relate?  #funny #Christmas #shopping #humor

So then…I shout, “No! NO, Christmas, ya ain’t gonna get me this time!”

I shall plan.  I shall prepare.  I shall make lists and check them twice!

I shall start early and avoid the holiday rush and stress.

I shall spend hours to concentrate fiercely on each loved one’s hobbies, tastes, and preferences to concoct the most personalized gift imaginable for that individual.

I shall bargain hunt, conduct online research — and judiciously analyze each item before purchasing!  Is it the right size, style, color, brand, aura for this particular person?

I shall craft unique homemade gifts for those closest to my heart.

I shall lovingly wrap each gift in luscious Christmas wrap with coordinating bows and calligraphized gift tags…

Aw, forget it.  Where are the gift cards?

— Darcy Perdu

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(‘Fess up – are YOU the one who’s completed all your Christmas shopping in a calm, organized, cost-efficient manner well before the holiday arrives?  Or are you the last-minute wild-eyed desperate shopper grabbing anything that looks REMOTELY like a gift and shoving it in your cart as you dash through the mall?)

5 Stages of Shopping (Christmas) 333 x 500


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43 replies on “Five Stages of Christmas Shopping – Can You Relate?

  1. For me it’s always AMAZON to the Rescue! Last Christmas I made it through the whole season without entering a mall even once. This season I plan to up the ante and not even enter a store!
    Cassandra recently posted..Throwdown Thursday: The LotteryMy Profile

    • LOVE Amazon! And Amazon PRIME is a life-saver! Very impressed you made it mall-free last year!

  2. Lizzy said:

    I am usually that person that everyone is jealous of. I shop from Easter to Black Friday, only venturing out for 1-2 items at 10 am on Black Friday. Everything wrapped by Dec. 1st.
    But reasons that have made me this way: 1 I HATE shopping. If it takes over 30 minutes I’m out. 2 I have 4 children, 3 of which are December babies and 1 a January. You start shopping early when you realize you will be 9 months pregnant at Christmas.

    But this year my husband was laid off just before Easter, so no Christmas shopping. Then temp jobs at a lesser wage through the summer, so no shopping. Then new job in fall that he commutes almost 2 hours for, so instead of shopping it was fixing up the house and getting it on the market.

    Now it’s almost Black Friday and I am all “I HAVE NOTHING FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!” Unfortunetly I don’t think the toddler or preschooler will like gift cards, but everyone else? Oh yeah, gift cards all the way.

    • Holy Cow — 3 December babies and 1 January baby? No WONDER you shop early! That’s a lot of gifting happening in a short period of time! Sorry to hear the shopping fund’s a little low this year, but I’m trusting your friends and relatives are the type who are totally cool — and understand some Christmases are a little less bountiful than others.

      As for December birthdays, I just have to share — David’s birthday is December 29. He loves to tell the story about when he was a kid — for Christmas, his grandparents gave him a LEFT shoe — and wait for it (like LITERALLY wait for it) — 4 days later, on his birthday, they gave him the RIGHT shoe! Ohmygahhhh! Hilarious!

      • Lizzy said:

        That is such a great story!

        Also he gets to share a birthday with my preschooler, who was born 1 day after her sister’s birthday. I remember the day of my oldest’s birthday being all *please don’t go in to labor today, not today, don’t let them share a birthday* so I kid you not I went into labor at midnight, had her at 5 pm.

        • Oh man, I bet you squeezed those knees together! Ha! Glad they each get to have their own special day!

  3. Ellen said:

    I’m more in the depression stage and it isn’t even my fault. Health issues make it very difficult for me to shop. Even shopping online takes time to get your orders unless you want to pay out the ear. I have been asking my children for over three months to get the grandkids to make me a list of things they would like for Christmas, so they don’t end up with any of those ugly Granny gifts. Do you think they did it? No! When I said I’m starting my shopping today that’s it, they all said, I’ll get you a list. WHAT??? Where have they been with cotton stuck in their ears? I bet their father taught them that one. So I guess I will be in the last minute shoppers or they are getting Ugly Granny gifts. If I buy gift cards they will be used by me! ;)

    • LOL! Damn straight — buy YOURSELF some gift cards!
      Sorry to hear about your health issues — and that your kids are a little slow on the gist wish lists — I say, “Ugly Granny gifts for EVERYONE!” :)

  4. Christmas shopping is meant to be started two hours before the stores close on Christmas Eve.
    William Kendall recently posted..SunsetMy Profile

  5. Fuck it is the best response to errrrrrthang!!

    I guess I’m just in the anger stage. I spend a lot of time there though.

    Happy Thanksgiving, DP!
    Don recently posted..A chat with some protesters…My Profile

    • Ha! Yep, that’s a GREAT response! Happy Turkey to you and your gorgeous wife and kids!

  6. jenny_o said:

    The one and only time I had my shopping done early, it included a fair number of gift cards. Which I put away in “a safe place”.

    On Christmas Eve afternoon, I started looking for them. Yeahhh … had to go out at 4:30 and buy them all over again (stores closed at 5 pm) I learned my lesson, I can tell you – NEVER buy until the last minute!

    Footnote – I didn’t find them until March.

    • Aw snap! What a pain in the cahoongas!
      So glad you eventually found them!

      With 5 kids, my Mom had to try to hide gifts from us all over the house.

      When I was a teen, one fine April day, I heard my Mom SHRIEK like a banshee. I went running to the hallway — and there she was next to the hot water heater closet holding up a brand new electric shaver, with her face in shock and awe! Then she composed herself, thrust the shaver toward me and said, “Merry Christmas!”

      • jenny_o said:

        Hah! But a nice surprise for you :)

  7. I’m in the anger phase. Where can I get that stylish chapeau?

    • Ha! That stylish chapeau is supposed to be a Thanksgiving PILGRIM hat! Guess those Pilgrims were pretty stylish, yo!

  8. Paul said:

    I’m with William – Christmas eve shopping is the best.

    Love the new facial expressions, Darcy. I must say though, that the Depression one looks dangerously mean, like you’re Al Capone’s Moll. Yikes! Wouldn’t want to come across her in a dark alley. They’d find me in the morning with 327 bullet holes from a machine gun. Ha!

    As an aside, Darcy, I just finished a guest post at Cordelia’s Mom. I’d be honored if you had the time to drop by for a read Thank You.

    • Ha! Don’t cross that Depressed Darcy in an alley, Paul! Glad to hear you’re guest posting again! I’ll go check it out!

  9. Amanda said:

    I love that little comic! :) I normally wait for my Christmas bonus before doing my shopping. So. Normally, Dec 23. Thank God for Marshalls and TJ Maxx. And that they are next door to each other. Although, gift cards would be soooo much easier because then I just drive to the CVS on the corner. But then I have to purchase allllll those greeting cards to put them in. ha ha ha! I’m with you lady! Happy Thanksgiving.

    • Thanks, Amanda! And here’s hoping your Christmas bonus is nice and big this year!

  10. Arionis said:

    Hilarious! My wife and I are going to Atlantic City for Christmas. We have agreed that the trip will be our gift to each other. That is code for “You better have a damn gift for me buster!” Right? I better start brainstorming.

    • Oh, hell yeah! She is definitely expecting a gift! But it can be small and sweet and sentimental, in my opinion – just a little sometin-sometin to show you care! And good luck in Atlantic City! May the Gambling gods bestow great fortune upon you!

      • Arionis said:

        Problem is, not to toot my own horn, which is to say that I am totally tooting my own horn, man I wish I could really toot my own horn…Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yea, problem is, I have to keep one upping myself. The last time we went to AC was for our anniversary and I had bought her a new wedding ring. I was sitting next to her when she hit a minor jackpot on a slot machine and I slipped the ring box into the tray where the coins used to come out before they went to paper tickets. It was a big hit. But how am I going to top that? Thanks for the good luck! If I hit it really big I’ll pay off your mortgage so you can write full time.

        • Arionis, that is AWESOME! What a cool idea for giving her the ring — right in the tray when she’s winning a jackpot! I LOVE that!
          And yes, please DO hit a huge jackpot while you’re there this time so you can pay for my house and I can write full-time! Best idea EVER!

    • Yes, Rena, I AM looking in your windows. Nice pants, by the way. And yes, those gift card amounts SO seem to grow each year! Yikes!

  11. Nichole said:

    Everyone hates me. I am done. I have been buying for MONTHS on clearance. I am about to ship the presents to grandparents, picking up custom screen printed shirts for new babies, ordered items though co-ops and picking them all up. Yup, I am hated but I am stress free. I even have 3 dirty Santa gifts AND teacher gifts done.

    • You GO, girl! Very impressive! Even the TEACHER gifts are done? Yowza!! Congrats!

  12. Julie said:

    What? Christmas is a month away you say?
    I can’t wait till I am filthy rich. I will be taking my leave (to an undisclosed tropical location) the Monday before Thanksgiving and returning the week after the New Year.

    • Save me a lounge chair and a mai tai! I’m coming with you!!!

  13. I run several businesses so I better be organized — otherwise I would go nuts. Yes, I am one of those people whose Christmas shopping is done, everything is wrapped.
    Carol Graham recently posted..Were You Born With It?My Profile

    • Wonderful! Congrats on finishing your list.
      I’m sending you MY list of friends and relatives. Please shop for their gifts, wrap them, and ship them in time for Christmas.
      You’re a doll. Please use your credit card since you already know the secret pin code. THANKS!

    • Thank you, Roshni! I think I may have jumped right to Stage 5 already! :o)

  14. Okay, you totally nailed it. This blog is officially endorsed by your Hanukkah AND Christmas celebrating friend! Now imagine 8 nights of “oh crap, tonight’s Hanukkah!” before even getting to the, “I have no wow factor under the tree!” It’s pressure, I tell you. PRESSURE!!!
    Parri Sontag (Her Royal Thighness) recently posted..My Blog is Finally Redesigned!My Profile

    • LOL! Trying to dazzle during 8 nights of Hanukkah AND a Christmas morning would be enough to send me to the Wine Bar permanently!