Falling Off the Wagon, Into a Big Vat of Warm, Gooey…

Falling Off the Wagon, Into A Big Vat
So then…a tiny window of time pops up during my role as Chauffeur to the World’s Youngest Passengers Who Never Tip, Sometimes Fart, and Always Giggle. I have an hour before my next pickup, so I’m alone, right outside Universal City Walk on a beautiful sunny winter day.

I can either walk around this lovely outdoor complex, burning up some calories – or listen to my rumbly tummy and eat up some calories. The latter, please.

But I want to be health-conscious, so I walk to the left, looking for a nutritious salad place when suddenly what to my wondering eyes should appear? TONY ROMA’S.


Well, protein IS one of the requirements of my new diet healthy lifestyle torture regime.

And ribs are protein.

And it’s right here.

And I’m hungry.

And ribs.

So I ask for a table near the window and vow to keep this simple and healthy.

When the server asks for my order, I say primly, “Baby back ribs, please.”

She asks, “Roma Rack or Full Slab?”

“Oh, just the Roma,” I say. (No need to be a piggy about eating this piggy.)

She jots it down, then asks, “What side would you like?”

“Hmm, what is your vegetable of the day?” I ask, conscientiously.


“Lightly steamed?” I ask hopefully.

Snort. “No, microwaved,” she replies – then laughs and laughs and laughs.

I’m not sure if she’s laughing at the expression on my face when she said “microwaved” – or laughing at the very idea of her establishment “lightly steaming” anything! It is, after all, an unabashed rib joint.

She imbued that snort with the unspoken barb, “Whaddaya think – you’re havin’ tea with the Queen at the Ritz?

Either way, her laughter is infectious and I find myself joining in.

“Fine,” I finally say, using my tone of voice to indicate that “microwaving” the broccoli simply won’t do.

I glance at the menu, then make the only other logical healthy choice, “Bacon Macaroni and Cheese.”

She grins wide, nodding in deference to a truly brilliant side selection.

And now, the ribs and the warm, gooey Bacon Macaroni and Cheese arrive – and let me tell you, it is deeeee-licious.

— Darcy Perdu

P.S. And yes, I do know Tony Roma’s also offers grilled salmon. What’s your point?

Please pop your email address into the purple box below so you can receive my new funny posts twice a week!

(Have you fallen off the wagon this holiday season yet? What’s YOUR kryptonite? Mine is obviously ribs & bacon mac & cheese – but I also go weak-kneed for warm chocolate baked goods smothered in cool ice cream. So ‘fess up – if you indulge this holiday, what’s your tempting treat?)
Falling Off the Wagon P

If you smiled -- share it!
If you LAUGHED -- share it TWICE!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge

61 replies on “Falling Off the Wagon, Into a Big Vat of Warm, Gooey…

  1. I was waiting for you to also say, “And a diet coke.” LOL.
    My kryptonite (and guilty pleasure, so please don’t tell anyone) are corn dogs and candy corn (not in the same serving). OMG cooorrrnnn doooggsss. I shouldn’t have said anything. Not my brain wants one. I must resist.
    Cary recently posted..Breaking Down the Snow Cat VideoMy Profile

    • Corn dogs? That’s a hilarious guilty pleasure!

    • Lyn said:

      when we go to Dairy Queen, I get an ice cream float made with Diet Coke. :)

  2. Judy said:

    Who goes to a rib joint and orders grilled salmon? That’s just wrong.

    • Ha! I agree! I would be highly suspicious of such a person!

  3. April said:

    if it is sweet I want it. Or ANY fast food. Fast food is truly my weakness. I can eat a bitty candy bar and be fine, if I’m craving sweet, but if I want fast food, it must be a zillion calories and BIG. I lost SO much more weight when I worked the midnight shift and everything was closed.

    • I hear ya — when something’s tasty, I want to eat ALL of it until the entire state is bone dry of that item!

  4. Paul said:

    Well, Crown Royal (whiskey) now comes in maple flavor (as is befitting of any fine Canadian tradition) and is very yummy. My holiday season was liberally sprinkled with imbibing moments. Ho! Ho! Ho!

    • Maple-flavored whiskey? That sounds downright dangerous — and delicious!

    • Great — meet ya at Tony Roma’s at 6!
      Not sure what state you live in — just go to your nearest Tony Roma’s and order — I’ll be right there!

    • ohhhh, did you say “potatoes?” Yes, please! add that to the ribs and mac & cheese!

    • exactly! in fact, I think the answer to most questions should be “bacon macaroni & cheese!”

  5. fishducky said:

    Love their ribs & onion rings!!

    • The gym? Huh? What? Um…what is this “gym” you speak of…?

  6. Lady Anne said:

    If I could have the macaroni and cheese *without* the bacon, please, I’d be fine. Maybe stir in some fresh mushrooms. I’m afraid my guilty pleasures are pretty tame. Two things that do NOT tempt me are potatoes of any form or combination, and pork products. I know, I know, I’m weird as all get out!

  7. OK. So, I’ve eaten a crap load of mashed potatoes today. But they’re garlicky, so I made sure to remind myself that garlic IS healthy, hullo? Of course, adding an extra half cup of butter and handful of tex mex cheese isn’t, BUT I do need more CALCIUM! Again…hullo!

    The Bailey’s and coffee was a wonderful treat this year. Again, it’s cream based. Cream=calcium. Do we need to go there? Exactly.

    One thing I can’t justify is the reindeer corn. It sounded weird and looked weirder, but it’s just candy corn that’s colored red, green and white. And it is delish! Tastes very buttery. Actually, butter is made of cream…and cream has calcium…

    • That all makes PERFECT sense to me — you’re basing your culinary choices on sound scientific reasoning there, my friend — carry on, carry on.

      And P.S. “Reindeer corn?” Never heard of that — but must find some immediately!

  8. Tais said:

    Weeell, ain’t that a nice subject for this time of the year… I must compliment the excellent choice of side dish. BACON <3. There's this restaurant that I love, and every time I go there my request is french fries with bacon and cheddar.
    Now for Christmas, the chosen calorie is chocolate panettone pudding. I know, I know, doesn't sound so great, but oh boy it's soooo yummy. It's basically chocolate panettone (which is not exclusive for Christmas) soaked with an awesome cream. Every time I make it it's a smashing hit and never lasts more than 2 days.

    • I had to look up images of panettone to see what it was — and it looks very tasty, especially if you include chocolate and cream!

    • Lizzi, you always think of the best silver linings!

  9. lol there is no shame in enjoying a nice slab of ribs with some yummy mac’n’cheese! :) This is why I can’t “diet” – I’m not very good with restrictions and limitations. As my friend once put it so eloquently: “you have no self-control” touche, my friend, touche.
    AwesomelyOZ recently posted..Happy Holidays to all & to all a Goodnight (Until 2014)My Profile

    • ha! can’t believe your friend told you that — but hey, if the shoe fits… :o)

    • Kat said:

      In our family we say that it isn’t that we lack will power, it’s that we lack won’t power. :D

  10. Well, I have to say you did “indulging” proud! ribs and bacon mac ‘n cheese sound mighty fine. Not necessarily what I would scope out, but wouldn’t turn it down either. In fact, would roll around naked in it. My favorites would definitely be Mexican food, margaritas, beer, chocolate….CHEESE. Um, yeah. I’ve been indulging. no doubt.
    Beth Teliho recently posted..I RALLY.My Profile

  11. I’m a firm believer that you had no business on that wagon to begin with at this time of the year! You’ll have plenty of time for the wagon next year.

  12. I would have ended up doing the same. I’m especially gulity of literally snorting up the desserts!

    • ha! “snorting up the desserts” — love that expression — and can totally relate! :o)

  13. That is funny! Even as I type this, I am chewing. Yes, I can chew and do lots of things at the same time.

    • ha! me too! when it comes to multi-tasking by eating and doing other things, I’m a real pro! :o)

  14. Julie said:

    Oh come on…seriously. Eating ribs is a lot of work! surely the calories burned count for something! you have to pull em apart, you have to pull the meat off the bone with your teeth, chew, then gnaw on the bone till it is perfectly stripped, and finish it up by licking every finger you own. I am pretty sure eating ribs cancels themselves out. I am gonna have to think about how bacon mac an cheese is ok, but not to worry, I will come up with something.

    You crack me up Darcy!

    • Julie, you are a hero — I suddenly feel much better about chowin’ down on those ribs! :o)

    • Paul said:

      Awesome Julie! Have you ever considered a career in advertising? For instance for a Rib Joint? You didn’t utter one word of lie and yet you convinced even Darcy that she was righteous in her rib-eating.You are Good!

      • lol – exactly! and now Julie needs to work on some advertising copy to justify my Ben & Jerry’s ice cream addiction! :o)

        • Julie said:

          I can do that too Darcy!! One of my jobs is in a bakery and I have totally justified oatmeal raisin cookies with whipped cream as the perfect breakfast! You got your dairy, your fiber, your fruit. Perfection.

          Ice Cream is dairy. Very important food group. And if it is hot out you need to eat it fast, before it melts=calories burned. If it is cold out, you are still getting your work out by your body working so hard to keep warm as you shovel it in.

          Ta-da! Although we are more of a Breyer’s kinda family, any ice cream will do in a pinch..

          • thank goodness! you just justified my entire eating plan for 2014! :o)

      • Julie said:

        :) Why thank you Paul! I guess it is just how I look at things… That and I do love ribs. Besides all the work, there isn’t a whole lot of meat there either…

  15. Oh my gosh I can’t say I’ve fallen off the wagon because I was never on it– I’ve never even seen a wagon. It’s so so bad. I’ve taken two weeks off of work so I’ve basically been living off a combination of Starbucks and (yep, you nailed it) a local BBQ place with a drive thru.

    My New Years Resolution is to grocery shop…

  16. William Kendall said:

    Bacon mac and cheese sounds to die for!

  17. Peeeeeeeerfect example. I started weight watchers but I made the choice of eating what I want till January. I will weigh-in on Saturday. I might cringe on the pounds but that Smoked Mozzarella chicken was too divine!

    • Smoked Mozzarella Chicken? Sounds scrumptious! Glad you enjoyed the holidays and delayed the weight watchers until January.
      Oh wait, now it IS January.
      Do you mean NEXT January? Yes, that sounds good. :o)