Dispatches from Spring Break Vegas Trip

So then…I consider all the educational, enriching, cultural landmarks I can visit with my kids on Spring Break – and instantly choose VEGAS!

Dispatches from Spring Break Vegas Trip

That’s right, I’m taking my two teens and three of their teen friends to Vegas for Spring Break!

Gambling! Drinking! Strip Clubs!

Oh wait. That’s for my business trips to Vegas.

This is a family-friendly trip! Recalculating, recalculating…

Still a go!
Tucker & Chloe, their 3 pals, and I head off to Nevada!
And now, here are Dispatches from Our Vegas Trip:

Me: OK Kids, what would you like to do in Vegas?

Maggie (daughter’s friend): Oh! I’d love to see a hypnotist show & swim in the wave pool at Mandalay Bay & go to the buffet at Aria & — well, if I wasn’t anti-MGM—

Me: Why are you anti-MGM?

Maggie: Because they have lions in captivity in their hotel lobby! That’s so cruel!

Me: Oh, OK. Well, if you weren’t anti-MGM, what would you wanna do there?

Maggie (quietly, sheepishly): See the lions.

Me: *blink*

Maggie: What?

Me: Ha! I thought you were going to say, eat at MGM’s Rainforest Café or see a certain show there – but the thing you’d want to see there is the very thing that prevents you from going there? You’re hilarious!

Maggie: Um…thank you?

(PS We did end up at Rainforest Café later, but we respectfully averted our eyes from any potentially captive lobby lions.)

1 Dispatches Pool 429

Heading down to the pool – but first, I’m in the shower –
shaving legs, underarms…and now toes? TOES? Holy Hell!

Where did these Hairy Hobbit Hooves come from?
Am I the only one with this affliction? I gotta shave those li’l puppies!
But I can’t even touch my toes on dry land!
How am I gonna reach ‘em in a slippery shower wielding a sharp razor?
Oh Lordy – pray for me!
Two band-aids later…

1 Dispatches Michael_Jackson_One_graphic 429

There are about 87 Cirque du Soleil shows in this town. This one features Michael Jackson. I thought he was no longer with us but hey, this is Vegas – anything’s possible.

Wow, awesome show! These performers are phenomenally talented! Not sure if that last dancer was actually Michael – or a hologram – but either way, damn, can he dance!

1 Dispatches Michael hologram

PS: Quitting my job to become trampoline-artist with Cirque du Soleil! Those guys have a blast! I’m uniquely qualified for this job! When I fall, I bounce! Sign me up!

1 Dispatches Trampoline

All the foods. All over the world. All at once. All in mah belly!

1 Dispatches Buffet Seafood

Wade into the wild, wonderful sea of humanity in downtown Las Vegas? Sure!

1 Dispatches Fremont Sign
Yes, kids, you can zip line down Fremont Street over the heads of all these drunk tourists and street performers, but be careful of pickpockets and affectionate lushes as we make our way to the zip line.

Don’t get too close to anyone or you’ll end up mugged and pregnant with an STD and a meth addiction.

1 Dispatches Fremont Zip Line

Stay tuned for Part 2 of Dispatches from Spring Break Vegas Trip…
— Darcy Perdu

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(Seriously, what the hell with the toe hair? Anybody, anybody? Meanwhile, what’s your favorite thing to do in Vegas?)

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38 replies on “Dispatches from Spring Break Vegas Trip

  1. just1girl said:

    yeah..I have toe hair. >.<

    • I’m glad I’m not alone!
      But this discovery is horrifying!
      I’m traumatized! I may need a support group! I may never take my socks off again!

  2. jenny_o said:

    This is hilarious! And toe hair – yep, but it’s fairly light so I just ignore it. Have I mentioned I’m near-sighted as well? Hey, if you ended up with two band-aids, what say next time you skip the shaving and go directly to the band-aids instead?

    • BRILLIANT! I never need to shave again! I’ll just pop some decorative band-aids on those toes and no one will be the wiser!
      I’ll spice it up with different band-aid designs — Sponge Bob Square Pants & My Little Pony!

  3. Dana said:

    Yeah, the pick-pockets are a concern!

    • Right? They’re pretty bold! I joke that I keep my cash in my front pocket so if they try anything, they’ll get busted for pickpocketing AND sexual harrassment!

      • Dana said:

        Omg, I totally say the same thing!

        • HA! Great minds!

          And to be candid, if the Chippendales dancers at Fremont Street wanted to “pickpocket” me, I might not mind! :)

  4. Julie said:

    I’m ok with my toe hair, it’s been there long as I can remember and it’s actually less noticeable as I age….

    Vegas. With teens. Are you constantly medicated or only occasionally??

    • HA!! “medicated constantly?”
      Just high on life, baby – high on life! :)

  5. Cannot wait for part 2. Was just in Vegas for the first time last month. LOVED it. Go to Mon Ami Gabi at Paris for lunch if you have the chance. That food changed my life.
    Cassandra recently posted..Resistance Is FutileMy Profile

    • Wow! It changed your life? I have to go check that place out!!

    • Alison, I love your optimism! Now I’m grateful for my hairy hooves! :)
      If anyone looks askance at my toes, I’ll just proudly exclaim, “Good circulation!”

  6. Darcy, I’m kind of freaked out. I’ve had toe hair since I was ten. I’m wearing sandals for the first time this spring and you reminded me to look at my feet. Well, my toes are purple, because it’s cold in Wisconsin. But, holy, moly, my toes are BALD. I guess I’m out of the hairy toe phase of life! You see, getting old isn’t all bad. Looking forward to part II of your story and some strippers:)

    • Thank goodness I can look forward to SOMETHING good about aging! Bald toes! Ha!

  7. Paul said:

    Teens in Vegas? You are one brave lady Darcy.

    • Right? What was I thinking? I should’ve taken them to Amish country!

  8. Michele said:

    Uh yeah…I have the toe hair as well. Of all places for it to grow!!

    • Exactly! ALTHOUGH — I HAVE seen some men with hair in their EARS — so I’ll take my toe hair any day of the week!
      At least I can wear socks! Ha!
      *brainstorm!* – knit ear socks and market them to hairy-eared men!

  9. Lizzy said:

    *whispers* I have toe hair. I’ve been shaving it since I was a teen. I might secretly be a hobbit, but my parents refuse to tell me the truth.

    As for my favorite Vegas, I have not been there in decades. But it would be an overnight stop when I was a kid when we drove from Utah to California to visit family. We always stayed at CircusCircus. I swear the rooms were horrible dumps. But there was this whole kids’ games floor, and the center was open so you could see down onto the gambling tables, but in that space they always had acrobat shows going on. Loved it.

    • *whispers* Your secret’s safe with us, Lizzy. There are quite a few hairy-toed ladies, I’m now discovering! We’ve found our tribe!

  10. Toe hair. Sigh. Just be careful when shaving. Suddenly it will itch like hell when growing back. Maybe you just want to bleach them & hope nobody looks too closely. Also, Neet & Nair if you don’t want to risk “toe-capitation”. All these little age-related jokes. Mother Nature is either a real “mother”, or in actuality, a misogynistic MAN! Your trip sounds great! How did you convince the other mothers that this was a good destination?

    • Ha! Mother Nature IS a real “mother!” Love that!

      Interestingly enough, the other mothers were surprisingly easy to convince to let their teens go to Vegas with us. In fact, the only resistance I received was along the lines of: “hells bells! leave the kids home and take US to Vegas!” :)

  11. I want to go there, I want to go there, I want to go there, bugga saying it three times didn’t make it happen
    Jo-Anne recently posted..Wordless WednesdayMy Profile

    • HA! I think you’re missing the magic wand — THEN it will work!

  12. momchelle said:

    I don’t know if Michael was a hologram or ghost, but I once saw a white, mime Michael Jackson impersonator- in Russia…….I did NOT pee alone- I think the whole audience pee’d our pants! (and boy could NOT dance)

    • Dying laughing! — so he was a white Russian mime who COULD NOT DANCE and he somehow decided to dub himself a Michael Jackson impersonator?
      Oh dear, someone needs to sit down and have a little career chat with that boy!

  13. Jan said:

    Yup. I have to shave my big toe and the top of my foot. I’m not sure when this started. One nice thing about getting older is full memory suppression of terrible events such as the first time I had to shave my toes. Yay!

    • Top of your foot? Yikes! So far, I’m just hairy-toed — will be on the lookout for feet tops! And since we’re confiding here, I’ll admit I once found a rogue hair near my belly button! MY BELLY BUTTON!! Arghhhh!

  14. OMG! I didn’t see your post on Vegas and I just wrote a blog post about not taking kids to Vegas! HAHAHA!

    Mine was more about not having small kids in casinos. At least you are doing the off-Strip stuff with them which is cool. I was just there this week. Love Vegas!

    Also, actually MGM got rid of the live lions in the lobby years ago. Good thing for that.
    Phil recently posted..Come on parents, stop taking your kids to casinos!My Profile

    • Just posted a comment on your blog that I was surprised and horrified to see families trying to weave through jam-packed Fremont Street in downtown Vegas on a Saturday night with STROLLERS! Eek! PS glad to hear about the lions!

  15. I have to admit… the only reason I’d go to Vegas would be to go to the national parks and other spots in the area. The city could benefit from an earthquake demolishing everything.
    William Kendall recently posted..Taxes And A ChateauMy Profile

    • Well, if there’s an earthquake, first we’d need to save all the drinkers & gamblers & strippers ‘cuz they’re the most fun & then we also save everyone else ‘cuz we’re nice like that – THEN we demolish the casinos — THEN we start building NEW ones even bigger and more gaudy than the last ones! Ha!