Completely Illogical, Perfectly Hilarious, Coworker Conversation

Completely Illogical, Perfectly Hilarious Coworker Conversation #funny #expenses #office #humor

So then…I open an email from one of the staff, Shelly, asking if she can purchase an item on the company credit card. I click the link and see this:

I email her:
Yes, you can use the company card.
What is the scale for?
We’ll need to note it on the credit card statement.

Shelly emails back:
It will be mainly for mailing purposes.
Thank you.

I reply:
I think it’s funny how you say it’s “mainly” for mailing purposes.
What other purposes are there for a scale of this kind?
Are you starting a meth lab or something?

Shelly does not respond.

This means either:
a) Shelly does not appreciate my sense of humor
b) Shelly is starting a meth lab

What do you think?

Speaking of odd expenses – this reminds me that a few months back, one of the salespeople in my department submitted his expense statement for a Dallas trip that included $30 for a hotel gym fee.

Me: Dude, the company doesn’t reimburse gym fees.

Dan: But I skipped dinner. So the company didn’t have to pay for food — just my visit to the gym.

Me: Based on that logic, I could skip dinner on my next trip and buy an alligator. Would the company reimburse me for an alligator?

Dan: (laughing) You can’t buy an alligator for $30 bucks! Besides, if I don’t spend money on dinner, shouldn’t I be able to spend the money on something else I like better?

Me: What if you like strip clubs better?

Dan: I DO like strip clubs better!

Me: (laughing) But the company won’t reimburse you for strip club admission!

Dan: (laughing) But they should – they really should… (walks away with wistful look)

Then of course, there’s the time I really embarrassed myself with my OWN expense statement blunder!

— Darcy Perdu

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(Should companies just pay a per diem for travel so businesspeople can choose to skip meals and spend the money on something else? Any creative accounting stories to share? IS Shelly starting a meth lab?)

Cherry Popsicle

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff – In Fact, Don’t Sweat

So then…Jennifer Hall of Dancing in the Rain invites me to guest post for her series The View From Here where writers share their “unique perspective on life.”  My immediate thought is, “Holy Cow! Does Jennifer’s website have enough ROOM to print my voluminous LIFE philosophy? I could go on for 47 HOURS on this topic!”

But then I decide to focus on just one of my favorite perspectives that I learned from my parents, so click on over to Dancing in the Rain — and while you’re there, check out some of Jennifer’s awesome posts!

Dancing in the RainShe writes some really funny stuff over there, like:
The Romance is Still Alive
Kids do the Darndest Things
When Procrastination is a Good Thing 

Thanks for inviting me to guest post at your site, Jennifer!  — Darcy

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42 replies on “Completely Illogical, Perfectly Hilarious, Coworker Conversation

  1. Julie said:

    Meth lab. definitely. You don’t want an alligator Darcy. They aren’t even nice when they are babies. I know, we had one. for a weekend. My mom made my sister get rid of it. I wonder what they did with him…..

  2. My ex works in Biotech. A couple of companies ago the police came into the office and arrested one of his coworkers. She apparently had been stealing company equipment to run a meth lab. This is a female 50 year old PhD Biologist.

    You never know…
    Cassandra recently posted..Six Reasons Why I Love PokerMy Profile

    • OMG! Your ex’s company had their own Heisenberg working right there in the office! Holy Cow!
      I’m keeping my eye on Shelly…

    • Yep! I’ll need to be on the lookout to see if she starts expensing propane tanks and glass cookware!

    • Ha! And you could keep measuring the weight as you drink it all up!

  3. That’s funny. I would support a per diem rate for travel expenses. I usually avoid the expensive hotel restaurants (that often have so-so food that I don’t enjoy) and find a health food store where I can buy lunch or dinner that is much healthier and more enjoyable.
    Annette recently posted..Dialogue with the BodyMy Profile

    • I agree about the hotel food! And why must a hotel breakfast cost at least $42? Crazy!

  4. Funny! Hey feminine products are better than…um…let’s see, Beano or a rash cream.

    • Eeek! Rash cream would have been really mortifying!

  5. This was much easier when I was in the Marines and we had a “per diem” which varied depending on what city we were going to be in. We had a certain amount per day that we were allowed to spend. It was meant for food really, but there are many of your hard earned tax dollars that got tucked into strippers g-strings . . . 1$ at a time.

    Ok, sometimes it was $5 at a time but some of them were really good!

    I mean, that’s what I heard. *ahem*

    • lol, Eric, that’s what you “heard” – ha!

    • You are my hero! Must study at your well-massaged feet! Teach me, Obi-Wan Kenobi!

    • Ha! Or maybe an Etsy shop where she sells hand-crafted meth cozies?

  6. I see you are as funny as always. I will have to make a mental note to keep stopping by now that I am back in the online world….
    mike recently posted..Out of the ashes….My Profile

    • Thank YOU, Jennifer! Delighted to be over there Dancing in the Rain with you today!

  7. Lol that’s funny – have some Breaking Bad ish up in there. Companies should reimburse for gym memberships, especially with the obesity epidemic Mrs. Obama keeps focusing on. My company doesn’t and it makes me sad :( Have a great one Darcy! -Iva
    AwesomelyOZ recently posted..Happy Blirthday (Blog Birthday) To MeEeEe!My Profile

    • Expense reimbursement for hotel gym fees would be pretty cool — or better still, hotel spa & massage treatments! Hell yeah!

  8. I just had one of shop stewards turn in his expenses for our national convention, and it includes his tickets to a show that he saw there, a purchase for the CD to said show, and included parking for his friend that took him to said show…. in addition to postage for $36.60. Guess who is going to have to pay…LOL

    • No way!! That is HILARIOUS! I’d never have the balls to do that! Cheeky devil!

    • Maybe that’s it! I need to set up surveillance!

  9. I think Shelly is running a meth lab………lol

    Yeah if the company reimbursed for strip clubs men would always be going to them on company time and that is a no no
    Jo-Anne recently posted..Another Post About World War 1My Profile

    • Good point! And MY business trips might start including Chippendales — and Thunder from Down Under! Ha!

  10. Amy said:

    Maybe – unlike gym guy…she’s going on a new diet that requires her to weigh all of her food – but she makes a measly amount of money and can’t afford her own scale – so she says it’s ‘mainly’ for mail…and then will bring in her food from home and weigh it (or, because of its size – borrow it over the weekend and use it).

    Separate note – some companies do allow for Per Diem to include a stipend for food and incidentals…and then won’t pay for the gym fee because they are already getting reimbursed for the food they didn’t eat.

    • Amy, you might be right! I’ll do some surveillance to see if your theory is right!

  11. A94 said:

    So, Shelly is definitely starting a meth lab.

    A couple of weeks ago, an expense report crossed my desk and guess what was on it? A speeding ticket! Yes! This person wrote “speeding ticket” in the description line and put the amount (a couple hundred euro) in the reimbursement line! I was like, what? Did this person actually think we were going to pay for that? Or did the person think we wouldn’t see it? It was even approved by the manager. :-P If the person didn’t want to get caught, s/he should have written “travel expense” or something in the description line – I might not have caught it then! Ha, ha! (No, we didn’t pay it. I escalated it to my supervisor – I know, I know – tattle tale.)

    • Wow! That is ballsy! I received a speeding ticket on a business trip one time but I didn’t dream of trying to expense it! That’s hysterical! I wonder if that person would try the same with BAIL money! Ha!