So then…I open an email from one of the staff, Shelly, asking if she can purchase an item on the company credit card. I click the link and see this:
I email her:
Yes, you can use the company card.
What is the scale for?
We’ll need to note it on the credit card statement.
Shelly emails back:
It will be mainly for mailing purposes.
Thank you.
I reply:
I think it’s funny how you say it’s “mainly” for mailing purposes.
What other purposes are there for a scale of this kind?
Are you starting a meth lab or something?
Shelly does not respond.
This means either:
a) Shelly does not appreciate my sense of humor
or
b) Shelly is starting a meth lab
What do you think?
Speaking of odd expenses – this reminds me that a few months back, one of the salespeople in my department submitted his expense statement for a Dallas trip that included $30 for a hotel gym fee.
Me: Dude, the company doesn’t reimburse gym fees.
Dan: But I skipped dinner. So the company didn’t have to pay for food — just my visit to the gym.
Me: Based on that logic, I could skip dinner on my next trip and buy an alligator. Would the company reimburse me for an alligator?
Dan: (laughing) You can’t buy an alligator for $30 bucks! Besides, if I don’t spend money on dinner, shouldn’t I be able to spend the money on something else I like better?
Me: What if you like strip clubs better?
Dan: I DO like strip clubs better!
Me: (laughing) But the company won’t reimburse you for strip club admission!
Dan: (laughing) But they should – they really should… (walks away with wistful look)
Then of course, there’s the time I really embarrassed myself with my OWN expense statement blunder!
— Darcy Perdu
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(Should companies just pay a per diem for travel so businesspeople can choose to skip meals and spend the money on something else? Any creative accounting stories to share? IS Shelly starting a meth lab?)
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff – In Fact, Don’t Sweat
So then…Jennifer Hall of Dancing in the Rain invites me to guest post for her series The View From Here where writers share their “unique perspective on life.” My immediate thought is, “Holy Cow! Does Jennifer’s website have enough ROOM to print my voluminous LIFE philosophy? I could go on for 47 HOURS on this topic!”
But then I decide to focus on just one of my favorite perspectives that I learned from my parents, so click on over to Dancing in the Rain — and while you’re there, check out some of Jennifer’s awesome posts!
She writes some really funny stuff over there, like:
The Romance is Still Alive
Kids do the Darndest Things
When Procrastination is a Good Thing
Thanks for inviting me to guest post at your site, Jennifer! — Darcy
Meth lab. definitely. You don’t want an alligator Darcy. They aren’t even nice when they are babies. I know, we had one. for a weekend. My mom made my sister get rid of it. I wonder what they did with him…..
I’m guessing shoes. Or maybe a handbag.
My ex works in Biotech. A couple of companies ago the police came into the office and arrested one of his coworkers. She apparently had been stealing company equipment to run a meth lab. This is a female 50 year old PhD Biologist.
You never know…
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OMG! Your ex’s company had their own Heisenberg working right there in the office! Holy Cow!
I’m keeping my eye on Shelly…
Yes, Shelly is definitely starting a “home business”. So nice of your company to help her expense some of the costs. haha.
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Yep! I’ll need to be on the lookout to see if she starts expensing propane tanks and glass cookware!
Well if it’s not for a meth lab, that thing would make a handy coaster for a cup of coffee…
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Ha! And you could keep measuring the weight as you drink it all up!
That’s funny. I would support a per diem rate for travel expenses. I usually avoid the expensive hotel restaurants (that often have so-so food that I don’t enjoy) and find a health food store where I can buy lunch or dinner that is much healthier and more enjoyable.
Annette recently posted..Dialogue with the Body
I agree about the hotel food! And why must a hotel breakfast cost at least $42? Crazy!
Funny! Hey feminine products are better than…um…let’s see, Beano or a rash cream.
Eeek! Rash cream would have been really mortifying!
This was much easier when I was in the Marines and we had a “per diem” which varied depending on what city we were going to be in. We had a certain amount per day that we were allowed to spend. It was meant for food really, but there are many of your hard earned tax dollars that got tucked into strippers g-strings . . . 1$ at a time.
Ok, sometimes it was $5 at a time but some of them were really good!
I mean, that’s what I heard. *ahem*
lol, Eric, that’s what you “heard” – ha!
I once expensed a massage. I crinked my neck on the flight to Denmark and couldn’t really move it to drive to the remote office. So it was TOTALLY necessary. Right?
Foxy Wine Pocket recently posted..The Circumcision Decision: To Cut or Not to CutâThat Is the Question
You are my hero! Must study at your well-massaged feet! Teach me, Obi-Wan Kenobi!
You have awesome coworkers!! :D
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Thanks, Roshni, we laugh a lot!
I get the consensus that Shelley is starting a meth lab, but could it be she’s just got a really successful Ebay company and needs the scale to make she’s not getting ripped off on shipping estimates?
Anne Louise Bannon recently posted..The Last of our WBC14 Posts. We Hope.
Ha! Or maybe an Etsy shop where she sells hand-crafted meth cozies?
I see you are as funny as always. I will have to make a mental note to keep stopping by now that I am back in the online world….
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thanks, Mike, and welcome back!
Or you could just subscribe to her blog like I do. (I ran out of Mental Notepaper a long time ago ;-)
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Stephanie, I LOVE you for subscribing — and ESPECIALLY love you for encouraging others to do so too! xoxox
Hahaha! Dan is funny. Shelly might not be. Thanks for the shout-out and for your guest post!
Jennifer Hall recently posted..The View From Here: Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
Thank YOU, Jennifer! Delighted to be over there Dancing in the Rain with you today!
Lol that’s funny – have some Breaking Bad ish up in there. Companies should reimburse for gym memberships, especially with the obesity epidemic Mrs. Obama keeps focusing on. My company doesn’t and it makes me sad :( Have a great one Darcy! -Iva
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Expense reimbursement for hotel gym fees would be pretty cool — or better still, hotel spa & massage treatments! Hell yeah!
She’s totally starting a meth lab – I have no doubt.
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She better cut me in on the profits!
I just had one of shop stewards turn in his expenses for our national convention, and it includes his tickets to a show that he saw there, a purchase for the CD to said show, and included parking for his friend that took him to said show…. in addition to postage for $36.60. Guess who is going to have to pay…LOL
No way!! That is HILARIOUS! I’d never have the balls to do that! Cheeky devil!
I still want to know Shelly’s plans for the scale! Maybe she’s on Weight Watchers and she’s really, REALLY OCD!
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Maybe that’s it! I need to set up surveillance!
Is Dan at least in good shape? Your company could write his gym bills off as “Female Morale.” And is Shelly an Engineer? Just askin’.
Stephanie Lewis recently posted..Should You “Toy” With an Older Woman?
Ha! “Female morale!” Love it!
I think Shelly is running a meth lab………lol
Yeah if the company reimbursed for strip clubs men would always be going to them on company time and that is a no no
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Good point! And MY business trips might start including Chippendales — and Thunder from Down Under! Ha!
Maybe – unlike gym guy…she’s going on a new diet that requires her to weigh all of her food – but she makes a measly amount of money and can’t afford her own scale – so she says it’s ‘mainly’ for mail…and then will bring in her food from home and weigh it (or, because of its size – borrow it over the weekend and use it).
Separate note – some companies do allow for Per Diem to include a stipend for food and incidentals…and then won’t pay for the gym fee because they are already getting reimbursed for the food they didn’t eat.
Amy, you might be right! I’ll do some surveillance to see if your theory is right!
So, Shelly is definitely starting a meth lab.
A couple of weeks ago, an expense report crossed my desk and guess what was on it? A speeding ticket! Yes! This person wrote “speeding ticket” in the description line and put the amount (a couple hundred euro) in the reimbursement line! I was like, what? Did this person actually think we were going to pay for that? Or did the person think we wouldn’t see it? It was even approved by the manager. :-P If the person didn’t want to get caught, s/he should have written “travel expense” or something in the description line – I might not have caught it then! Ha, ha! (No, we didn’t pay it. I escalated it to my supervisor – I know, I know – tattle tale.)
Wow! That is ballsy! I received a speeding ticket on a business trip one time but I didn’t dream of trying to expense it! That’s hysterical! I wonder if that person would try the same with BAIL money! Ha!