You’re Gonna SNURKLE When You See The Email This Guy Sent Me!

So then…I snurkle – which, as everyone knows, is a cross between a snort and a chuckle.

When you see why, I think you’ll snurkle too.

I send this email to a colleague (let’s call him “Bob”):

Could you be more PACIFIC?  #Funny tale of email gone awry!  #humor

His response:

Could you be more PACIFIC?  #Funny tale of email gone awry!  #humor

Um…OK.

Like this?

Pacific - Ocean 429

Malibu Beach is just 20 minutes from my home. I could literally be in the Pacific Ocean in a flash! Does he want me to hop in with my laptop to reply?

Or does he mean like Chandler Bing:

“Could you BE any more pacific?”

Pacific - Bing 265

Yes, Chandler Bing, I COULD be!

Here I am surrounded by Pacific Islanders.

Pacific - Islanders 429

We shall dance on the beach by the light of the moon, roast a pig, and drink Kava made from the ground root of the pepper shrub.

Now, I don’t know this particular colleague “Bob” very well — but I do know that he is educated — and English is his first language.

So what’s up?

It’s possible he means, “Could you be more specific?” – but that can’t possibly be the case since my email clearly outlines the specific information I’m requesting.

So I can only surmise that my email happened to arrive on his computer screen at the exact moment he realized he was dissatisfied with my ethnicity. “Hmm, I’m not diggin’ her CandyAss Caucasian vibe; I wonder if she could be more Pacific. Let me ask.” So he fired off that email.

I’m not sure exactly how to respond.

Should I reply: “What do you mean?”

Or just write “Sure!” and send him the photos above?

Or perhaps, “Please be more Atlantic.”

Or “Please be more specific.”

Or maybe just toss out something random like, “Please be more Presbyterian.”

Or something annoying like, “Please be more accurate in your email responses.”

But I certainly wouldn’t want to offend, since there’s a chance he did mean to write “specific” – and something got in the way – like spell check or day drinking.

So I shall let you decide the best response.

If someone wrote you an email saying, “Please be more pacific” – how would you reply?

— Darcy Perdu

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(When you saw his response, did you snurkle? How would YOU respond to his email?)

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98 replies on “You’re Gonna SNURKLE When You See The Email This Guy Sent Me!

  1. amanda said:

    HILARIOUS! Love the one of you in the ocean. ha ha ha! Love your blog :)

    • Thanks, Amanda! I wish I were in the ocean right now!

  2. Funny! Maybe you should write something like, “Pacifically, what more information do you need from me?”

  3. hahahahahaha, this is the funniest thing I’ve read in a week. What would I do? Well, first I’d laugh my ass off, as I’m sure you’re doing. Then, because I work with clients who are 24-28 years old and who are terrible spellers (I fault Iphones) and who are clueless….I’d respond with a very specific request :) But I’d be SOOO tempted to send him that picture of you floating on the Pacific ocean.
    Claudia Schmidt recently posted..The Faces of Breast CancerMy Profile

    • Thanks! And I AM very tempted to send him that pic! I don’t know him very well, though, so I’m not sure if he’d think it was an invitation or something! Ha!

  4. Perhaps he meant “pacifistic”? But the odds are I’d rewrite the original request with bullets:
    – What’s the status of X project?
    – Which tasks have you completed?
    – Which do you still have left to do?
    – Is there anything blocking you from completing those tasks that still need to be done?

    Because I’m a project manager, and I’ve gotten a version of that email :)
    Qwertygirl recently posted..Having Four Kids: An Open Invitation, ApparentlyMy Profile

    • Ah yes, pacifistic! Good point! He’s just checking my stance on world peace! Ha!

  5. While I would love the confidence to send the first picture, I would probably just respond with the info he wants and specifically spelled/used correctly ;)
    Kerri recently posted..My Challenge: JennMy Profile

    • I wonder if he’d notice or not if I spelled it correctly when I replied…maybe that’s the way to go…

  6. Nicole the weaver said:

    Being the smart-ass I am, I would send him “Okay!” and the pictures.

  7. Cynthia Rosenberger said:

    I would want to literally s-p-e-l-l it out to him, however I wouldn’t want to offend. Outside of work something like that gets a “huh?” response from me. At work I would send him the same thing as before only changing a couple words.

    • Man, those were some “serious, demanding, thorough, severe, rigorous” purposes, huh?

  8. Rebecca said:

    LOVE it! Write back: “of course (and your response)”, then “oh by the way, could you tell me how big the SPECIFIC ocean is?” !!

  9. As an editor, I live for this stuff. I think I might respond by deploying my two favorite typos/auto-correct fails: “Although I doubt that I can be more Pacific, let me asses the situation. My apologies if this causes you any incontinence.”

    Your blog makes me snurkle regularly. Thanks!

    • Bwhahaha! Literally laughed out loud! Love that response!

      • Julie said:

        That one has my vote so far!

  10. You should ignore it and wash that man right outta your hair.

    (Cringe-worthy I know! But I’ll be wounded if you don’t get that (poor) joke)
    PinkNoam recently posted..Sticking it to the ManMy Profile

    • Oh PinkNoam, of course I get that! I’m a lifelong lover of all musicals! Perhaps “Some Enchanted Evening” we can have some “Happy Talk” when we agree “There’s Nothing Like a Dame (Edna)” and you tell me “I’m in Love with a Wonderful Guy” – and we smoke some tropical weed to get “Bali Hai!”

    • SmartAssery is a genuine talent — glad to know we share that trait!

  11. Wendy Dea said:

    Please, please reply with be more Atlantic. I dearly want to see his response. Lmao

    • Then maybe he’d send me a photo of HIM in the Atlantic Ocean! Ha!

  12. I fear any of your clever responses (though I do love the one of you surrounded by Specific Islanders) would be lost on this poor fellow.
    Most likely, I would respond with an email full of terrible mistakes. I’d say things like “I should of done this…” or “You know, supposably I’m a good speller…”
    See if he notices.
    Helena Hann-Basquiat recently posted..Bad Behaviour and the Communist ManifestoMy Profile

    • Ha! Reading those examples make my eyes bleed!

    • Thanks, Joanne — happy to provide a snurkle! :o)

  13. Oh my gosh, I would ABSOLUTELY send the first photo back. Incredible. Though it would be lost on my coworkers, because my boss once sent an email to all of leadership detailing his busy next day and said “I may be difficult to find.” So hit reply-all with a photo of Waldo…. and my boss actually kind of LOOKS like Where’s Waldo. There were exactly zero responses. What a waste…

    • HA! That’s hysterical!
      I would have sent you back a photo of Dora the Explorer saying, “No problemo! I will find senor!”

  14. April said:

    I’m boring. I would honestly just copy and paste my original questions back to him. I try to behave at work :)

      • Ellen S said:

        I agree! I’d love to be snarky but I’d end up in hot water! I’d love to be able to shoot off any of the creative answers you came up with on your own.

        • I love being snarky too! It’s in my nature! :o)

  15. Totally snurkled. And I love the Chandler Bing reference, speaking solely as a snarkastic wench. How about this for a response:

    I could BE more pacific, but that has nothing to do with the project. I could BE more specific if you could BE more intelligent.
    Teri recently posted..It’s the little things….My Profile

    • ZING! Love it, Teri! Right to the heart of the matter! Ha!

    • Ha! Let’s hear it for day drinking! Woot! Woot!

  16. Sheri said:

    I would assume he meant specific and make some humorous ( I hope )comment about autocorrect. I would send the picture of you in the ocean too, but I would also ask seriously, what exactly he would like more information about. Oh, wait–was I supposed to make this funny?

    • Sheri, you ARE funny — asking if you were supposed to MAKE it funny! I like your solution – it’s funny and yet effective too!

  17. Arionis said:

    Awesome! I just snurkled quite loudly at my desk and got all the cubicle gophers popping their heads up. I would respond, “If you could be more specific about how you want me to be pacific that would be terrific.” :)

    • Hey, that rhymes!! That needs to be on a tshirt! I love it!

  18. Those photos were awesome. My failsafe reply when people don’t make sense is “Haha.” I do this to alert them to the fact that if they didn’t intend to be funny, they need to do some splaining.
    Liz recently posted..Z.O.E. vs. D.I.Y.My Profile

    • Hmm, I like it — succinct and sure to trigger a “What? Why is she laughing at my email? I just asked her—ohhhhh, I see. Derp.”

    • HA! That’s a great idea! He’d definitely get it, if I did that!

    • Oooo, I like the idea of JUST the pic and no explanation! Funny!

    • Hooray! Snurkle has officially entered the lexicon!

    • Yes! That would be great! I should start ALL my emails with that!

  19. I wish I could help you with something funny because this kind of destruction of the language from someone that is supposed to be educated and communicating with other educated adults just drives me crazy.

    • The two that drive me batty are:
      Loose instead of lose
      Orientated instead of oriented
      My blood literally boils!

      • jenny_o said:

        Orientated used to to bother me, too. Then as I read more British blogs I realized it was used and acceptable in Britain whereas oriented is the version used and accepted in the US and Canada. Here’s a better explanation:

        http://www.dailywritingtips.com/do-you-orient-yourself-or-orientate-yourself/

        I’ve been enjoying your blog for awhile now, Darcy – great stories and wonderful sense of humour :)

        • Thanks, Jenny! I appreciate that!
          As for that article – that is so wild that “orientate” is acceptable in that usage in ENGLAND! Didn’t they INVENT English? Ha!

          • jenny_o said:

            Hahaha!

      • Julie said:

        Warsh instead of Wash
        Winsconsin instead of Wisconsin
        Alblum instead of Album.

        I guess those are all spoken mistakes. Nevermind.

        • When I hear those mistakes, my ears bleed.
          Unless you’re a toddler. When my daughter was 2, she’d call our vehicle the “mivivan.” So cute. Almost wished she hadn’t learned the correct way to pronounce it!

  20. Bea said:

    Hahaha, love the photo idea! I really hope you sent at least one of those back to him.

    At my last job, I was a manager and one of my responsibilities was correcting/approving time cards, so people would email me to let me know if they forgot to clock in or had some other issue with their time cards. My favorite of those emails was from a chronically ditzy employee, who wrote, “I just wanted to let you know that I forgot to clock out after my shit yesterday.” I ultimately decided not to respond with any of the many, many snarky comebacks I came up with, partly because I didn’t want to embarrass her, but mostly because it was way too hard to pick just one. I got a really good “snurkle” out of it, though! :)

    • Oh, man, that would have been soooo tempting to respond with something very snarky!
      You demonstrated admirable restraint!

  21. Hayley said:

    Boring of me…but I would have responded, “Can I be more what?”

    • It’d be so funny if I wrote that — and he replied, “Pacific! More PACIFIC!” Ha!

  22. AmericanGirlinJapan said:

    I would reply to him “SPECIFIC or Pacific? Because dude, one of those is an ocean.” :)

  23. Haha! I suspect Bob’s got a few things on hold. He’s probably trying to work out why the project’s not more pacific in a number of areas.

    I live in the South Pacific and have Polynesian blood so if someone asked me to be more pacific they’d probably get a kanikani and waiata.
    Lisa recently posted..Where I’ve been hanging outMy Profile

    • That’s so cool you live in the South Pacific! I googled both those words and I’m up for that! :o)

  24. Julie said:

    I cannot come up with anything. At least not anything better than you have already been presented with. Maybe “?” ?

  25. Stephanie said:

    I would reply but change the subject line to: SPecifics. Then restate each of your questions in lengthy prose.

    Or respond with a link to an article about Fukishima pollution in the Pacific. It’ll probably make his head explode!

    • HA! Love those ideas! Especially the first one — I could go on for pages in laborious detail about each question — that’d be hysterical!!

  26. Melanie said:

    HAHAHA! I can’t…I just can’t. That is the funniest response email I have ever read I think. OMG! An educated adult truly cannot be that dumb to think that “pacific” means to specify.

    I’d email him back and say do you mean “Please be more SPECIFIC?” But I’m quick to correct people like that. I think of it as helping them to not sound so stupid in the future, like I’m educating them. :-)

    By the way, I love your posts! <3

    • Thank you, Melanie! So glad you’re enjoying the posts!!

  27. Darcy B. said:

    Pacific means peaceful or calm. So perhaps that is what he meant? The ocean was pretty well misnamed as it is a big ocean and not that calm.

    • Ha! Maybe you’re right — he just wanted me to be more zen! Love it!

  28. Kathy A said:

    I once sent an email to a Dr. Holthaus, and cc’d the other physician who were working with us on a project. Silly me didn’t take the time to proof before sending it, so didn’t know I had oopsed. A few days later I was meeting with the group. As I entered the room Dr. Holthaus very seriously introduced himself, “Hello Kathy, you might not remember me. I’m Dr. Hothead.” There were loud snurkles all around… and the joke had to be explained to innocent, and VERY embarrassed ME! I am so thankful that kind-hearted doc has a great sense of humor!

    • Bwahaha! I LOVE THAT! “Dr. Hothead!” So funny! Thank goodness he had a sense of humor!

  29. Cheesetoast said:

    “I’d rather be more Atlantic.”