When Your Own MOM is Tougher than the COPS!

When Your Own MOM is Tougher than the COPS!  Would you do this to your kid?  #funny SoThenStories.com

So then…I finish my shift and drive home. Yeah, that’s right – I’ve got a job – and I’m only a TEENAGER. Yep. (trying to act casual, but super stoked!)

(I’d been so nervous during my interview at Grandell’s Amusement Park, but honestly – how could they resist my professional interview outfit: pastel teal polyester pants with a striped collared shirt – and get this, one of the stripes was the exact same shade as the pastel teal pants! No, seriously. I like to think it’s that kind of meticulous attention to detail that impressed them to hire me immediately.)

All summer, my teen coworkers toil outside in the broiling Louisiana sun, running the carnival games and operating the rides.

But I serve chili-cheese-dogs in an old-timey train caboose – the ONLY air-conditioned spot in the entire amusement park!

The teen boys who work here are always hanging around my caboose – (the TRAIN caboose – git yer mind outta the gutter!) – and I’m fairly certain their constant presence is a testament to my charming personality – OR the air-conditioning. Whatevs. Potato Po-tah-to.

Anyway, I’m happily singing along to my car radio as I turn the corner and pull up outside my house. I park on the street, wave to my Dad in the backyard, then stroll up the sidewalk to our front door.

I’m halfway there when I hear a man’s voice behind me say, “Excuse me.”

Someone must need directions. I turn around, saying, “Yes, can I help y—”

There is a cop. Standing in front of his cop car.

This cop needs directions from me? That’s weird. It’s usually the other way around.

“Do you know why I’m here?” he asks.

Oh dear, this cop is having a really bad day. He doesn’t know where he is or what he’s doing.

“No,” I say gently, wondering how I can contact his sergeant to return him safely to the precinct.

“I’m here because you blew through two stop signs right in front of me.”

Oh.

Oh, I see.

Suddenly the whole picture becomes painfully clear to me.

“Well, I’m not sure I’d say “blew” through them, maybe I “stop-rolled” through them?”

His expression indicates he’s not interested in parsing semantics with me.

“I can’t believe you ran a second stop sign right in front of me while I was following you for the first one. Didn’t you see me in your rear-view mirror?” he asks, pulling out his ticket book.

I furrow my brow. Does he mean the make-up mirror? That thing in the middle of the windshield I use to apply thick coats of Maybelline mascara?

“Well, why didn’t you have your sirens on?” I ask. “I would’ve noticed you then.”

He looks flummoxed, like he can’t believe I’m trying to turn this around on him being at fault.

Just then my mom comes tearing out of the front door.

“Oh my God, Darcy! What have you done now?”

(What have I done “now?” Good God, she makes it sound like I’m a regular juvenile delinquent!)

I say ruefully, “Narcotics again, Mom.”

Mom is NOT amused.

“DARCY! Don’t you dare joke about this, young lady!”

She turns to the cop and says, “What did she do?”

He says, “She failed to come to a complete stop so I – wait, is that you, Meredith? It’s me, Tommy – Tommy Renaldi.”

She takes a couple steps closer and recognizes the young cop. Mom works as Deputy Clerk of Court so she knows most of the cops who come in and out of the courthouse.

“Oh, hey Tommy. I mean, Officer Renaldi,” she says quickly, trying to highlight his authority for my sake.

“Meredith, I didn’t know this was your daughter.” He closes his ticket book. “No need for a citation. I’ll just let it go with a warn—”

“No!” she says vehemently. “No daughter of mine’s getting a free pass just because I work at the courthouse! She commits a crime, she pays the consequences! You throw the book at her!”

“Aww, Mommmm,” I say plaintively.

“Aww, Mommmm,” the cop echoes in solidarity. He grins at her optimistically.

She shoots us both a look that smacks the smiles right off our faces and the hope out of our hearts.

She points a finger at me and says, “When you’re finished here, come inside for a ‘talk.’”

And with that, she spins on her heel and strides back into the house.

The cop looks at me with sympathy – and a fearful shudder.

“Oh, man,” he says, “That’s gonna be some talk.” He writes in his book. “Here, I’m just gonna cite you for the one stop sign – so at least it’s $50 instead of $100.”

I’m appreciative – but dammit, do you know how many chili-cheese-dogs I gotta sell to clear $50 bucks?

I mumble “thank you” as I mournfully take the ticket.

As I trudge back up the sidewalk to my front door, I can only imagine him thinking, “Dead Man Walking…”

Note 1 – MY MOM:
First, I need to tell you that my Mom is actually one of the warmest, funniest, most compassionate people you’ll ever meet. Quick to offer a lending hand, a sympathetic ear, a strong shoulder to lean on – she is literally my role model for motherhood! But damnation, if you try to slide something by that woman — and she thinks you need to learn your lesson – well, by God, you.will.learn.that.lesson! Another reason she’s a great Mom!

Note 2 – MY DAD:
Second, I find it absolutely hilarious that my Dad simply waved at me from the backyard. I mean, his teenage daughter pulls up, followed by a cop car, but he just waves and goes about his business! To be fair, he was working on the “Yellow Cracker Box.” This was our affectionate name for the bizarre box-shaped yellow rehabilitation vehicle he bought used, then retrofitted it to include a table, bathroom, and pull-out beds so our family of 7 could go on camping trips and road trips all across the South. He was quite fond of that Yellow Cracker Box, so he may have been distracted by whatever he was tinkering with or fixing.

I like to think he just assumed, “Oh, that Darcy’s a clever one – if the cops are after her, I’m sure she’ll figure a way out of it.” Of course, more than likely, he probably just figured my Mom’s “Spidey Sense” would alert her that one of the 5 kids was in legal trouble – and that she’d rush to ensure the kid was prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

Note 3 – MY NEXT COP:
Fortunately my next summer job provided me with a hilarious way to get out of speeding tickets as this true tale will attest: Funniest Way to Get Out of a Ticket. 

Note 4 – MY NEXT CRIME:
Recently my Book Club read The Husband’s Secret by Liane Moriarty (great book BTW) about a wife’s dilemma when she learns her loving husband of about 15 years and terrific father to her kids actually secretly killed a girl when he was a teen. Should she turn him in or not?

When I asked my Book Club friends if they’d turn in their husbands in a similar situation, most said they’d keep the secret! But you can clearly see that if I pulled something like that, my MOM would not only CALL THE COPS on me — she’d swab my DNA, track down the buried body, and gather all the damning evidence into a compelling PowerPoint for the judge and jury!

Note to self: do NOT invite Mom to help dispose of any bodies. My Dad, on the other hand, would’ve pulled up in the Yellow Cracker Box, tossed the body inside, and headed to the desert with a shovel. Which kind of parent are YOU?

— Darcy Perdu

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(How would your parents react if you showed up at your house with the cops? What would you do if it were YOUR teen – let the cop issue a warning – or insist on a ticket? Any funny cop stories?)

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42 replies on “When Your Own MOM is Tougher than the COPS!

    • Oh, yes, NOW it’s funny.
      Back then — not so much! Ha!

  1. Mimi Gin said:

    I was the cop! My son didn’t call me when he was picked up for failing to take care of an insurance ticket (while he had insurance through me, no less). One of the jailers recognized him and allowed him a “single” bunk for the night.

    Several weeks later, I had arrested a college kid for being drunk and he slurred out “you wouldn’t do this to your kid.” To which the jailer said…”yea her son was smart enough not to even call her when he got arrested!”

    • Omigod, that’s hysterical! I love that your son was smart enough not to even TRY to play the “My Mom’s a cop” card when he got in trouble!

  2. AinOakPark said:

    Oh, Darcy, I know I’d love your mom! (And I think she was right!)

    Once, as an adult with my children in the car, I got pulled over for doing something stupid. The police officer didn’t want to give me a ticket, so he asked the kids if they had a good mom. One said, “I guess.” The other said, “She’s okay.” I just wanted to bonk my head onto the steering wheel multiple times!

    • Bwahaha! Come on, kids, help a mother out! Try to be a little more complimentary, for God’s sake — she’s tryin’ to dodge a ticket!
      So funny!

      • AinOakPark said:

        Well, at least my kids didn’t say something like, “No, she beats us regularly. With a hose. While drunk.” : )

        I hope your mother let it go with the ticket as the consequence and didn’t go on and on about it later…

        • HA! “While drunk.” Love it! That would’ve been hilarious if they said that to the cop!
          As for my Mom, I received the LECTURE OF A LIFETIME, complete with revoked driving privileges for a very long time!!

  3. Dana said:

    Maybe, because your mom knew the cop, and didn’t want to look like she was getting special treatment? Otherwise — ouch, mom!

    • “Ouch, mom” is right!
      I think she definitely didn’t want me thinking that connections could get you out of trouble with the law!

  4. I have no idea what I’d do…yet. But Z’s got some time before she’ll have to possibly “do some time.” I had been wondering about your dad when you explained. Hilarious!
    Liz recently posted..Zoe vs.: General Outrage ReportMy Profile

    • Thanks, Liz! Zoe’s still young, but go ahead and keep a daily journal of all her misdeeds JUST IN CASE the cops need historical evidence one day! :)

    • OMIGOD! Don’t show this article to my Mom! She’ll be photo-shopping me onto Wanted Posters all over the internet: “Serial Stop Sign Slider!” HA!

  5. Paul said:

    Wow, that is one determined Mom. So how have you turned out, Darcy? Should Chloe start to worry any time soon?

    • I try to keep my Crimes & Misdemeanors under the radar…

  6. “Note to self: do not invite Mom to help dispose of any bodies.” ~ That advice can apply in so many different contexts.
    William Kendall recently posted..Smooth As GlassMy Profile

    • Good Lord, Cassandra — the cops let you off the hook FIVE times? How’d you manage THAT? Are you driving around NUDE or something?

  7. Sad to say, I probably would have baled out the kid with a warning, but I admire your mom. I think tough love is the better way to go, and you learned a much better lesson. I need to start acting more like your mom. She should write a book! Great story. As always, love your comic style. You never fail to make me smile!
    Parri (Her Royal Thighness) recently posted..What? You Don’t Like My Knockers?My Profile

    • Thanks, Parri. I worry that I’d be the softy mom, inviting the cop in for dinner and pleading with him to let my kid off the hook. But if my kids DO get in trouble, my inner Demon Mama will probably pop out and follow MY mom’s example: Book ’em, Dan-o!

  8. Hysterical story, again Darcy! We have something in common. The first time I got pulled over I was twenty-three and seven months pregnant.(not that part) I saw lights flashing behind me in the make up mirror and thought, well go ahead, go around me. Then I heard the siren, so I immediately pulled over. He says, “Why didn’t you pull over?” I said, “I did pull over.” He says, “Why didn’t you pull over when I flashed my lights?” I said,”Well on t.v. they always use the siren.”

    • Exactly! I feel the same way! It’s not legit unless they do it exactly like they do on TV! Ha!

  9. Judy P said:

    My mom would have been right there with your mom, only she would have taken it one step further and asked the cop if I had been investigated in Jimmy Hoffa’s disappearance or something.

    Seriously, a collection agency called her looking for “Julie [my maiden name]” in regards to a waterbed she didn’t pay for in Phoenix. My mom happily gave them my home phone, home address, work phone, work address even though MY NAME ISN’T JULIE! And I never lived in Phoenix and I never owned a waterbed. Dang, lady.

    • Bwahaha! Dying laughing over here, Judy! That is hysterical!! Your mom sounds like such a hoot!

  10. Oh yes, my dad was a fireman with a police scanner and if one of his kids got pulled over both parents knew before they got back home. Dad was a punish to the fullest degree and my mom has been known to stall a cop to keep him from getting somebody she knew.
    Rena McDaniel recently posted..The #WomensLives Initiative and the T.D.A.C.My Profile

    • That’s so funny! Your parents were like good cop-bad cop!

  11. Julie said:

    Not sure which category of parent I am, I guess somewhere in between. I remember telling an officer once “My mom is gonna be sooooo mad at you” complete with pointing finger. Of course that was after I was arrested.

    • Omigod! Not THAT sounds like a very interesting story!

  12. Your Mom sounds badass!
    My own mother, I imagine, would’ve blackmailed me for some free booze in return for keeping her silence. She’d take the secret to the grave as long as I kept her glass topped up.

    • Good to know, Jamie, good to know.
      (makes note to contact Jamie’s mum in case I ever need to dispose of a body…)

    • Ha! I bet that curtailed your fire-setting activities quite a bit!
      As a kid, I once wanted to see how fast the toilet paper hanging off the roll would burn — turns out, VERY FAST.
      I screamed bloody murder and my parents ran in in and stamped it out.
      Let’s just say it was a “valuable teaching moment.”

  13. Tash said:

    Funny cop stories…this may be a subjective-based funny, as I’m the cop, but here it goes. A bit long but worth it, I think.

    While a brand new officer, I was doing my field training (which consists of a senior – well trained (and allegedly role model-ish) officer teaching you the CORRECT way to go about performing your duties), when we pulled a speeder doing somewhere in the vicinity of 25 MPH over at approximately 02:30 in the morning. This was Reckless Driving territory in terms of speed.

    One element I should mention is I am a female, my Field Training Officer (FTO) was a male and the alleged speeder was a male. (Perhaps you will divine why this comes into play at the conclusion of my story.)

    Being that is was late or early (pending your view and age), Saturday night or really Sunday morning, the high rate of speed and the fact that the alcohol-serving establishments had closed within the last 30 minutes…I thought I may be participating in my 1st DUI. (You know what I mean)

    We do the normal run etc, and approach the vehicle. I’m all standard newbie by the book. My FTO is more assured. So we make contact, there isn’t a trace of alcohol but the guy is kind of squirmy. In the sense that it looks like he may have to go to the bathroom and he keeps looking at his watch like he has an appointment and we are going to make him late. He wasn’t rude (which by the way is a HUGE way to get a ticket instead of a nice warning) but he asks “how long will this take, it’s sort of a time-sensitive thing for me right now.”

    My FTO and I share a quick glance over the hood and my FTO asks, “well where ARE you going so fast at this time of the morning?”

    Alleged male chauvinist – I mean speeder says (and completely straight face with no BS detectors going off by us two officers) “Look,” and he shoots a side glance at me and slightly lowers his voice though I’m still completely in the I HEAR YOU zone, “I’ve been trying to get with this chick for almost 9 months, took her out to eat, movies, flowers, everything and nothing…. and she just paged me and told me I can (and I quote) come visit pink town. If I don’t hurry I’m afraid she will change her mind, so it’s really important that I get over there quick.” He offers some lame apology for speeding but it was an emergency.

    At this point, I’m fuming on the inside. Did he just say “visit pink town” in front of me? Oh this guy is getting cited.

    Well my FTO (who is in charge) closes his book and says, “that is the best excuse I’ve heard in awhile. I can’t offer you an escort so keep it to the limit, buddy, good luck and enjoy.” He turns away and starts back to the patrol car. I’m standing there like an idiot, probably glaring at Mr. Classy and he too looks like he can’t believe what just happened. He looks at me, smiles and starts his car up. I step back as he drives off.

    My FTO lights up a cigarette and asks me if I have any questions or suggestions on what could have been done better as is the procedure after a “training experience.”

    Do I ever…I’m about to go thermo nuclear on him when he holds out his hand to stop me. He says, “Before you start let me tell you something, this is a tough job, you have to have a sense if humor and know when to hold and fold. That instinct will come with time. Second, if that had been a chick behind that wheel and the same scenario was presented, I would’ve done the exact same thing and third, but most important, did you hear the music he was listening to and see what was in his backseat?”

    I said no I didn’t. He shook his head and told me I needed to be more observant or it would cost me my life. I reved up and started thinking did I miss a weapon, a dead body what?

    He said…”That boy was listening to a Barry Manilow CD, had dungeons and dragons cards in his back seat and three or four books on the subject. I may well have given him the only opportunity he will ever have in his life to have sex. Remember we are here to protect and serve.” He smashed his smoke and walked back to the patrol vehicle without another word.

    I laughed until I cried. I learned a lot from that FTO — and in my many years as Police Officer have told that story quite a bit.

    So that’s my funny cop story.

    • OMIGOD, TASH, THAT IS THE BEST STORY EVER!
      I’m dying laughing!
      I love it! And I was totally tearing up when he talked about the Barry Manilow music and Dungeons & Dragons books!
      OMIGOD! Your FTO was doing God’s work that night, lettin’ that poor little sweetie have a chance at gettin’ a li’l sumpin-sumpin!

      And PS you’re an awesome story-teller! I was laughing so hard, experiencing all the same things you were experiencing as a newbie cop! I was getting all riled up and indignant — and then when the FTO explained, I was just dying! Omigod! Love this story!

      • Tash said:

        LOL, thank you. I’ve got a metric Ton of stories that are gut busters, but that’s a favorite.

        • I hope you’re writing them down somewhere! Or videotaping them! I bet they’re awesome!

  14. That’s hilarious! But, I must admit, I know my mom would have probably done the same thing to me. She would call me out in public for small misdemeanors and never bat an eyelash for embarrassing me, so, yeah, I’m joining your club. Still, I wouldn’t know what I would do without her. Moms, for all their “faults,” are the best.

    • Aww, that’s so sweet — and so true! My mom was pretty strict when we were growing up – and I’m happy to say all 5 of us turned out pretty well! So who knows – she may have saved me from a life of crime! Without her strict guidelines, I might have ended up a crack ho meth lab assistant! :)