When Your Kid’s Teacher is NOT “Comfortable” with YOUR Behavior

When the Teacher's Not Comfortable with YOUR Behavior!  Uh-Oh!  #Funny story about Back-to-School Night!

So then…she presses her pudgy little hands on either side of my face and smushes it together, bringing her little nose directly to mine, and says, “Mommy, SERIOUSLY, Mrs. Trent said it will not be appropriate for you to bring your cell phone.”

I smile at my darling little girl, clasp her two hands in mine, kiss them and tell her, “Chloe, honey, I need to take my cell phone to Back to School Night. The new babysitter is coming tonight, so she has to be able to reach us if there’s an emergency.”

She looks very worried. “But Mommy, Mrs. Trent said she’s not comfortable with parents taking phone calls while she’s giving her speech about Kindergarten. She told us ‘pacifically to tell our parents to leave your cell phones at home.”

I pull her into my lap and put my forehead on hers. “Chloe, honey, you’ve told me this 800 times in the past two weeks. I promise it’ll be fine, OK?”

Slightly mollified, she toddles off to play with her toys.

I finish opening the mail and chuckle to myself over the words our children learn so young these days. Parents and teachers tell kids:

“That’s not appropriate behavior”
“I’m not comfortable with you doing that”
“If you continue this behavior, there will be consequences

When I was a kid, adults just said
“No!”
“Stop that!”
“NOOOOOOO!”

But we parents shouldn’t say that to our kids.  (Although it IS funny how many times my toddlers told me “NO!” instead of saying, “Mommy, I’m not comfortable with you serving me vegetables right now. Green beans are simply not appropriate at this time.”)

So then the new teenage babysitter arrives and I run through everything with her – while Chloe interrupts to remind me AND the babysitter not to make any calls to each other THE WHOLE NIGHT or else “Mrs. Trent will be REALLY mad.”

Good Lord, how terrifying can Mrs. Trent be?

Um, turns out — pretty terrifying.

She greets all the parents at the classroom door with the air of a strict commandant, briskly ushering us to our seats so she can start her greeting – no, speech – no, LECTURE – on time.

She is clearly captain of this ship, sternly informing us of all the rules and regulations in her classroom for the kids and the parents.

I shoot a look of mock fear at my husband David and he smiles briefly, but quickly re-focuses on Herr Trent.

I try to generate a little camaraderie amongst the other parents by feigning the “shaking in my shoes” look to them – but they quickly avert their eyes. No mutiny to be found here, folks.

Everyone is taking this Back to School Night deadly serious.

Mrs. Trent states the ground rules for field trips – and people are actually taking notes.

Just then, a phone rings.

MY phone rings!

Holy Sh*t, it’s MY phone!

The other parents look stunned. Mrs. Trent glares at me with livid disgust.

I jump up and dash out of the room, fumbling to answer the phone.

Is someone hurt? Why is the babysitter calling? What HAPPENED?! They were under strict orders NOT to call unless it was an emergency – WHAT IS THE EMERGENCY?

“Mom,” says Chloe. “Can I have a popsicle?”

Oh.
My.
Dear.
God.

Is this literally the same child who demanded for weeks that I not even BRING my cell phone to Back to School Night – and she interrupts the big speech because she WANTS A POPSICLE???

And now how am I going to go back into that classroom?

Mrs. Trent and the other parents must surely assume that the ONLY reason someone would call me tonight is because my children were gushing blood from every known orifice! Limbs had better be shooting off their bodies in all directions to warrant this call.

(And believe me, when I get a hold of Chloe, there MAY be some serious maiming and dismemberment! A POPSICLE, for God’s sake!)

But of course I totally crack up at the absurdity of it.

I shake my head to get the giggles out.

Then I walk somberly back into the classroom, with a deep sigh, my hand patting the phone, and a reassuring nod of the head to everyone to indicate that all is well – crisis averted – it WAS a life-threatening situation, but I was able to handle it over the phone because that’s how this Superhero Mommy rolls.

Then I sit down, pull out pen and paper, and stare intently at Mrs. Trent in COMPLETE AND UTTER FASCINATION to dutifully record her next pearls of wisdom.

— Darcy Perdu

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33 replies on “When Your Kid’s Teacher is NOT “Comfortable” with YOUR Behavior

  1. Hola! I go by my nickname Awesomely Over-Zealous.

    This is just what I needed today, this post is HIL-ARIOUS! Thank you for this post, I went to Back to School night as well and the teacher was not terrifying like Trent there, so that is a relief. :) Enjoy your weekend!

  2. Maybe she planned this all along… telling you the teacher pacifically told the kids to tell their parents no phones, so she knew you would only answer in emergency… leading her to your permission of the popsicle she planned to have all along.
    MomChalant recently posted..10 Weird Things My Toddler Likes To DoMy Profile

    • Ha! Brilliant! Ashlee, that is a truly CLEVER scheme! Perhaps you’re right and Chloe is a master strategist, rather than the me-want-popsicle doofus I thought she was!

    • Yes, vibrate is great idea! And hide the popsicles!

  3. Kat Caldwell said:

    What a bitch teacher!! Bet she wants you to answer that phone when she’s calling to say your kid is puking all over her classroom!!!

    • Ha! Exactly! And it will be NEON ORANGE puke from all those damn popsicles she eats! :o)

  4. My son’s 1st grade teacher was the same way. All of the parents sat up straight and were terrified of her, me included. I can’t believe your cell phone went off..and it was because Chloe called you!! It figures!! –Lisa

    • Seriously, the kindergarten and 1st grade teachers are terrifying! But Chloe and the kids loved Mrs. Trent, so maybe she was fun and charming when the parents weren’t around?

  5. She sounds like Mrs. Wilhelm, a teacher I had growing up. She could have taught lessons in cruelty to Hitler, and was old enough to have actually been there and done it.
    William Kendall recently posted..A Day In The Life Of A DogMy Profile

    • ha! laughed out loud on that com,ment, William!

  6. Ha!
    Our boys live in fear of getting their snacks sent home. The kindergarten teachers really drill “healthy food” only into their little brains.
    Parent night is coming soon, I’ll remember to turn off the ringer :)

    • that’s so funny about the snacks! I think today’s teachers would have sent my Mom to Mommy Jail — for lunch, we 5 kids lived on baloney sandwiches on white bread — and the two side vegetables? well, Cheetos and Ding Dongs, of course!

    • Yes! Next time I’ll set phone to “vibrate” — and set phasers to “stun!”

  7. I would have been the mom in the back row leaning against the wall. If you had turned around my way, I would have rolled my eyes. I would join the PTA under peer pressure and, if you joined, too, would spend our children’s elementary years giggling behind the baked goods table. Because I am totally into mutiny against authority. It hasn’t really served me well, however. John Mellencamp was totally right about that. Authority always wins. Big sigh.

    • Ha! I would totally join the PTA with you! I’d meet you at the baked goods table for cocktails and giggles!

  8. Hilarious! I love your posts! I have five children 18-33. It seems times don’t change. Every child and parent must inevitably have a warden in the classroom. :)

    • Thanks, Gillean, glad you enjoy the posts! You ushered 5 kids through school, so you’ve probably met all SORTS of interesting teachers over the years! :o)

  9. Looks like the teacher will have her eye on you this year – I imagine this won’t be the last we hear of her. Wonderful story about one of life’s small, awkward moments.

    • thanks! we seem to have a lot of “awkward” moments around here! :o)

  10. If she were an adult, I would have sworn that she called you just to get you in trouble for not listening about Herr Teacher. But, no, she just wanted a popsicle! Kid!

    P.S. I think I know that teacher.

    • omigosh, Rachel, that would have been hilarious if she was just TESTING me! What if I answered the phone and she just whispered angrily, “I TOLD you not to answer the phone!!” That would have made me totally crack up! But no, she wanted a sugary treat! (takes after me!)

  11. I cannot stop laughing… awesome post. And my daughter does this ALL the time; she is 10 now. I was in a meeting the other day and she called me five times in a row… I finally step out and pick up thinking she must be on death’s door and she asks if she can have some cookies and cream ice cream… she is 10. I wish I could say it will get better… but it just continues. LOL Loved this post!
    Carin Clark @Mrscpkc recently posted..How I Achieved a Goal I Didn’t Know I HadMy Profile

    • so funny! I guess we should be thankful they’re at least calling us to ask permission, instead of just devouring all the popsicles and ice cream (without saving some for us!) :o)

  12. Darcy, I was on holiday last week. I left my teen daughter home with her older sister and two friends that live with us. I had 5 missed calls (during school time) and thought that something serious must have happened. When I called back frantic, my daughter wanted to know if I had bought her bus ticket.
    Vivian recently posted..More thanMy Profile

    • ah the teens who believe the world revolves them! I have some of those too! :o)

    • ha! I’m too nervous I’ll miss a call when it’s on vibrate — like an emergency call for popsicles!

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