So then…my friend Lila thrusts a glass of wine in my hand and pulls me over to a couple who are sampling appetizers in her living room.
Ever the fabulous hostess, Lila says, “Darcy, these are my friends Keith and Julie. They’re just about to spill some gossip, so listen up.”
Julie laughs and says, “Well, I was just going to tell Lila about the birthday party we attended for Jake, one of our son’s friends. It was a little…over the top.”
Lila snorts. “Ha! Over the top? His family’s loaded! So spill – what was the party like?”
Keith says, “Apparently Jake had mentioned to his Mom that he misses having a real winter because we all live out here in sunny Los Angeles—”
“So she had truckloads of snow delivered to their house!” interjects Julie.
“Really?” I say. “I’ve heard of schools and carnivals out here trucking in mounds of snow for hundreds of kids to enjoy – but just one family financing their own Snow Day? Wow!”
Keith says, “It was amazing. They have a huge house and gigantic yard, so it took tons of snow to cover everything. They even had enough for a little snow HILL for the kids to sled down—”
“And enough for the kids to build SNOWMEN!” interrupts Julie.
“Oh my God,” says Lila. “That’s incredible!”
“It was pretty cool,” agrees Julie. “The Mom had hot chocolate carts, outdoor fire pit for s’mores, full buffet, music, snowball fights — everyone walking around in jackets and mittens. The kids had a blast!”
“OK,” says Lila, her eyes dancing merrily. “So what did his Dad do?”
“His Dad?” I ask, sipping my wine.
Keith says, “Oh, the parents are divorced. Not amicably. So he hosted his own separate birthday party for Jake.”
“Seriously?” I ask. “What? How old is this kid?”
“He’s 10,” says Julie. “So the Dad hosted his own birthday party for Jake at his house the very next Saturday.”
“And you were invited to that party too?”
“Yep,” says Keith. “And the Dad doesn’t want to be outdone by the Mom, so he—”
“Trucks in SAND!” shouts Julie.
“No!” Lila and I shout in unison.
“Yes!” Keith and Julie shout back, laughing.
Some of Lila’s other guests look over to see what all the commotion is, but we go right back to our wine-slinging and gossip-mongering. (I ain’t proud – I’ll admit it! We’z gossipin’ all up in here, y’all!)
Lila and I pop some appetizers from the table while Julie fills us in.
“The theme was Egypt or something, so he trucks in tons of sand to cover his whole yard,” says Julie. “Palm trees are poking out of the sand – tents are set up everywhere – catering people dressed like pharaohs are serving platters of Egyptian-Middle Eastern food.”
“Are you serious?” asks Lila.
“This is all for a 10-year-old’s birthday party?” I ask incredulously. “I mean, his SECOND birthday party, after the Snow Day birthday party?
“Wait, wait, the best part is coming,” says Julie. She turns to Keith, grinning.
“Right in the middle of the birthday party — in come CAMELS and BELLY DANCERS!” says Keith.
“Get the HELL out!” I say.
“No way,” says Lila, laughing. “Camels and belly dancers?”
“Yes!” says Julie. “Camels for the kids to take rides — like a freakin’ PONY ride, except it’s a freakin’ CAMEL! And belly dancers for the –”
“Dads!” says Keith, grinning.
“Oh my God, that’s insane. In-SANE,” I say, smiling and shaking my head.
“I knew they’d go overboard,” says Lila, laughing. “But I never dreamed they’d throw a blow-out Snow party and a blow-out Sand party within a week of each other!”
I think a moment.
“Wait,” I say to Keith and Julie, “You guys attended both parties?”
“Yeah,” says Julie. “Our son was invited to both.”
“So, tell me,” I say, “Did your son give Jake two presents since there were two parties?”
“Oh, hell no,” says Julie. “We gave one gift. We don’t want Jake to get spoiled.”
We all DIE laughing.
Like literally, we all fall down and die laughing at that.
Ahh, poor Jake. Poor little rich boy with the over-compensating competitive parents.
Not to be judgy and all – but DAMN, those parties make my fiesta forays look positively paltry!
However, my parties do have a few things in common with Jake’s parties – one time we served SNOW cones – and another time, we had a craft table where the kids filled glass vases with colored SAND – and thanks to my chocolate addiction, my big BELLY always DANCES!
— Darcy Perdu
Why don’t ya pop your lil ol email address rightcheer so ya kin git all my funny true stories in yer dadgum inbox?
(What are some of the wild and unique parties you’ve attended (or hosted)? I love to hear cool party ideas! Any examples of divorced parents trying to outdo each other – or perhaps some competitive moms in your class or neighborhood who try to one up each other on playdates, parties, or gifts? Do tell!)
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