So then…I read a ridiculous email from an exasperating client on my Iphone. I audibly sigh and roll my eyes – at the precise moment I’m passing the hallway mirror – which means I can see the reflection of my furrowed brow.
I already mourn the loss of my line-free, wrinkle-free, smooth-as-a-baby complexion.
And I barely made peace with the fact that a small indented line forms between my eyebrows whenever I make my “annoyed” face.
But now THAT line has sprouted MORE lines!
…shooting in SEVERAL directions!
I lean in closer to the mirror.
What is HAPPENING here?
The size and location of my new brow lines seem to be forming…some sort of Chinese character!
There’s one big line down the middle, with little offshoots at angles – just like a Chinese symbol!
What does it signify?
I can only assume my poor puckering brow line is forming the Chinese character for:
I check online to confirm my theory.
My creases and crinkles don’t match any of those noble words.
What could it be then?
Maybe I should figure out what makes me furrow my brow in the first place.
It’s usually when I’m baffled, annoyed, or exasperated:
1) Like when my teen daughter Chloe chops the asparagus in half and throws out the tops and only eats the bottoms – because the “tops taste weird.” No, honey, YOU’RE weird. Honestly! What’s next? Peeling an orange to toss the orange and eat the peel? Brow furrowed.
2) Or when my teen son Tucker signs the back of his birthday checks with a squiggle comprised of the initials of his first name, last name, and NICKNAME – all stacked on top of each other!
Me: “Tucker, the bank needs your signature, not your stacked initials!”
Tucker: “But that symbol IS my signature!”
Me: “Who are you – Prince?”
Brow furrowed, eyes rolling.
3) Or when I walk into the kitchen to see that David can never seem to put his dishes IN the dishwasher. They’re always dishwasher-adjacent. I mean, he was right there. What prevents him from opening the dishwasher? Is he afraid bloodthirsty zombies will pop out and devour him? Furrowed brow – and frowny face.
4) Or when my coworker asks me to forward her the same attachment that I’ve emailed her four times already, because she can’t keep track of her documents (or her brain). Brow furrowed, head shaking.
5) Or when someone’s in such a hurry that she cuts ahead of me in the school’s car pick-up line, but then holds up all the cars behind her so she can chat extensively out her car window with another mom walking by. Brow furrowed, profanity muttered.
The Chinese character my furrowed brow is forming is not:
What the Fuck?
Yes, that’s exactly it!
When I furrow my brow, those creases and lines form the Chinese character for these words in bright neon lights:
What the FUCK are you DOING?
What the FUCK are you TALKING ABOUT?
Who the FUCK ARE you?
I suppose the WTF expression could be a bit off-putting – and even alarming – to the people surrounding me, especially since I seem to be brow-furrowing all day long – (I’m looking at YOU, telemarketers, over-zealous classroom moms, and guy at work who interrupts every.single.meeting with off-topic questions/complaints) so perhaps I should conceal my obvious displeasure in some way…
Otherwise, my white-hot smoldering Wrath of Khan stare might smite people right where they stand. And if they happen to read Chinese, they’ll know what my brow is saying.
HOW TO CONCEAL YOUR “WTF” BROW FURROW:
This would conceal my furrow – but also 90% of my facial expressions, so um…no.
I’d look cool, but if I wear them indoors or at night, it would make other people furrow their brows – like “what’s up with that weird chick wearing her sunglasses 24/7?”
No. Just no.
If I pop enough pills, nothing will bother me enough to furrow my brow in the first place! But then again, potential drug addiction…so, no me gusta.
5) Masquerade Mask
Now here’s an intriguing and unique way to hide my furrowed brow. I love it! I’ll buy an array of colors and styles so I can wear these everywhere – the office, school pick-up, Target, the post office…
And when you see me in the grocery store 10-items-or-less checkout line, in my fancy masquerade mask – just when someone darts in front of me with CLEARLY 16 items and an out-of-state check – you can rest assured my brow is furrowed. Oh it is FURROWED, my friend!
So now YOU tell me:
1) What makes you furrow YOUR brow?
2) And what Chinese character does YOUR furrowed brow form?
— Darcy Perdu
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