The Topic is TABOO — But They Give Me a Humor Award Anyway!

I Won An Award 430
So then…I win another Humor Award!

What the what what?!

Yep, I entered the BlogHer competition in 2013 and 2014 – and I won a Humor VOTY both times!

So now I think I’m all that.

And I shall be insufferable and insist on a human umbrella holder to accompany me at all times – even indoors. I shall demand that no one look me directly in the eye or breathe in my direction. I shall require Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream to be served at all my meals…BY Ben and Jerry themselves.

So what’s a VOTY? BlogHer communications and media organization invites writers and bloggers to enter a competition for Voices Of The Year in 4 categories: Humor, Heart, OpEd, and Exploration. The winners are celebrated at the annual BlogHer conference.

Out of thousands of entries, they choose 25 VOTY winners in each category – and I’m VERY EXCITED to be a winner in the 2014 Humor category!

And I’m especially thrilled that it’s for one of my favorite posts!

My Secret Accomplishment is about an AMAZING feat that should probably REMAIN secret since the topic is a bit…indelicate for polite company. But hells bells, people, we ain’t polite!

So here’s the winning post in all its inappropriate glory!

My SECRET Accomplishment
(Photograph-Forbidden)

So then…I poop a Q.

An amazing, perfectly-shaped Q.

It is truly a remarkable thing to behold, but I cannot think of even one person that I can show.

It’s not exactly the type of thing that you can point out to a co-worker –

Like “Hey, Brenda, come look at the Q I pooped! Come quick! It’s an UPPER CASE Q!”

And probably not the type of thing to gather the family round for a group viewing –

Like, “Hey, kids, look what Mom just made!”

It’s one of those things I will have to keep to myself.

I consider taking a photo.

But I couldn’t text it to anyone. And I couldn’t post it.

And I certainly wouldn’t want the Costco photo guy to have to print it out –
or for some relative to stumble across it years from now in a faded photo album and say, “What the hell is this?”

Or DO I?

It is a pretty incredible accomplishment.

“That’s the time I pooped a Q!” I’d say proudly.

“No shit?” they’d say admiringly. And we’d have a good laugh at the unintended pun.

I check my exquisite sculpture and marvel again at its uncanny resemblance to the letter Q. I almost wonder if perhaps tomorrow I will produce another letter – and if, in fact, someone is trying to send me a message.

Since today is a Q, the rules of spelling would dictate that tomorrow’s letter would need to be a U, so I’m wondering what letters would come next. Over time, would I be spelling out Queen?

Quail?

or

Quick, Get Me Outta Here – I’m Trapped in Your Lower Intestine!

My God, that would take weeks to spell out. But you can be sure that I’ll be checking to see if such a message is forthcoming.

I’m not entirely sure when I first began examining my output. I know there was a time when I wouldn’t have given a thought to checking the bowl – just take care of business, wash hands, and out the door.

But at some point awhile back, I started the habit of a quick glance.

I’m not sure if it is curiosity – or a health check – or just that my daily life is so devoid of real accomplishment that my confidence needs the occasional boost from creating a successful bowel movement. Sort of a Defecation Celebration, if you will.

But oh today, I am quite proud. I’ve produced a perfect Q — and with no conscious effort!

This was not deliberate, I assure you. Don’t envision me intentionally leaning, rotating, gyrating to create this letter – this was all perfectly natural. And a delightful surprise!

And yet, there is no way to preserve my masterpiece. No bronzing. No shellacking.

A quick flush and it will be gone forever.

I can only write about the existence of it in this post – with no evidence to support my claim.

But I assure you, it is a perfect Q.

– Darcy Perdu

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(Comments: I seriously considered not allowing comments on this post since I usually encourage you to post a RELATED story – and I’m not quite sure I can handle reading lots of comments about YOUR poop, your KID’S poop, and your PET’S poop that resemble other letters, shapes, states, and celebrities. BUT…you were gracious enough to read about my Q – so bring it on – deluge me with stories of your funny feces! Keep it as clean as you can!)

Voty-Announcement-2014 430
FOR SOME GREAT LAUGHS, click 2014 BlogHer Voices Of The Year Winners to read the winning entries of my fellow Humor Winners — and check out the Winners in Heart, OpEd, Exploration, and Photos!

In the Humor category:

Aussa Lorens from Hacker.Ninja.Hooker.Spy receives the People’s Choice Award for Humor for 7 Ways Your Life Is Like High School , and the readers for Humor will be:

If you smiled -- share it!
If you LAUGHED -- share it TWICE!

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38 replies on “The Topic is TABOO — But They Give Me a Humor Award Anyway!

    • I laughed out loud at your comment! And yes I know EXACTLY what you mean!

    • WHAT? A 4?
      That is some serious complicated shit, there! I’m very impressed!

  1. Personally, I have never checked for numbers or letters before, but this is pretty darn funny. The poop topic is a frequent one here…I don’t know why. The boys think anything to do with poop, farts, or disgusting smells is pretty funny, and my daughter will play along with them when she’s in the mood. I don’t know how it got so out of control here. Congrats on the humor award…you so deserve it! I needed a good laugh today. :)
    Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life recently posted..Chocolate Chip Granola Bar CookiesMy Profile

    • Thanks, Michelle! And glad to know this topic is not so taboo at your house! Your kids are my kind of people!!

  2. Julie said:

    Congrats on the award Darcy! I enjoyed the post as much as I did the first time. Poop remains a big topic at my house. Shame you didn’t get a picture…

    • Exactly, Julie! I might need to hire a sketch artist to recreate my creation!

    • A 10-foot pole would be advisable — and a hazmat suit.

    • Sorry to be so indelicate, my little buttercup!
      But when a woman poops a Q, she’s gotta shout it from the rooftops! Hollah!

  3. CONGRATULATIONS on the win!! So exciting!
    I would spontaneously combust if I had to talk about it!!!

    • Ha! “spontaneously combust!” You’re so funny!

  4. My daughter pooped and called me in to show me her poop looked like “a seal with a bean for an eye.”
    I think that is pretty good competition for your perfect Q.
    My Special Kind of Crazy recently posted..One Proud MommaMy Profile

    • omigod, that is INCREDIBLE! and detailed! and now I’m very jealous.
      Will start trying create my own animals with distinguishing features. Tell your daughter, “It is ON!!!”

  5. Omg, you kill me! I just love you and all your alphabetic creations, including your poops but especially your posts! (Just realized I kind of just said I love your poops but that’s not exactly true. I don’t even KNOW your poops. Maybe someday, if I got to know them better. Right now, I just love YOU)!

    • Ha! Thanks, Ashley! My poops ARE pretty lovable…!

    • Thanks! Very excited about the awards — but even more so, my letter! Gurl got skillz, yo!

  6. I’ve read a lot of your stuff Darcy, but never seen this one before… You totally should have papped it and shared it on your blog….

    Anyway, congrats on the award, well deserved =)

    • HA! Next time, I’m taking a selfie with that shit!

  7. Reading your poop. I think that’s a thing now, isn’t it? Like reading tea leaves or sheep guts or whatever? I wonder if they have poop shamans?

    Congrats on the award. Well deserved. I’ll carry your umbrella.
    Manicmom recently posted..Techno touristsMy Profile

    • omigod, YES!! Poop readings! I LOVE this idea! That’s brilliant!
      I want to be a poop shaman! I could make a fortune!
      I live in LA — do you KNOW how much I could charge for that shit? LITERALLY?

  8. AinOakPark said:

    Seriously, this just goes to show you that bathroom humor is here to stay! Congratulations on knowing your p’s and q’s.

    When my 6-years-younger sister was going through potty training, she did a big job and when she saw it, exclaimed, “Holy Cow!” and that’s what we called it from then on.

    Of course this spawned phrases like, “It was a holy cow moment.” It was also easy in the early days for my mother to delicately ask, “Do you have to holy cow?” And my sister got lots of holy cow birthday cards. Yes, you’d be surprised at how many of those there are.

    • I LOVE the Holy Cow euphemism! That’s hilarious!
      And I laughed out loud when you said “knowing your P’s and Q’s!” Damn STRAIGHT I know my Q’s! Ha!

  9. Hi Darcy–

    I shared this with the men in my life, and this comment came from my brother-in-law:

    Sounds like it was a soft serve chocolate ice cream poop. She got me in the Defecation Celebration paragraph. That was good. Layered with meaning and self-deprecating (or defecating) humor :-)

    Thanks for the laughs.
    Suzanne
    Suzanne Vince recently posted..Life Lessons from a PrincessMy Profile

    • HA! “Self-DEFECATING” humor! I LOVE THAT!!

  10. Julie said:

    OMG. Darcy. That list of humor winners? Thank you so much for sharing that. Really really some funny stuff there. I have just a couple places I frequent, and I fear you just made that quite a bit larger…..

    • So glad you found some more funny folks, Julie!

  11. Well, well….I finally got the “scoop” on which post won! Ya couldn’t “dupe” me for long! I can see why all the “hoop”la from the BlogHer “troop!” And then braced myself for a “group” of interesting comments. All about Poop!
    Ps… My best guess is the next letter woulda been a “P” so you could say that you “mind your P’s and Q’s”. Oh that was bad… but I get a little leeway after a long BlogHer wknd, right? Love your blog!
    Stephanie

    • Thanks, Stephanie! So nice to meet you at BlogHer — congrats on your Humor VOTY too!

  12. Jennifer M said:

    The only time I impressed myself with a poop is when I pooped so much in one sitting that the poop breached the surface of the water by a great deal. And I wasn’t even sick.

    • Damn, girl, that IS impressive!
      OK, then — challenge accepted! This is my new goal!