The One Thing Disneyland INSISTS You Do NOT Bring to Their Park

The ONE Thing Disneyland INSISTS You Do NOT Bring To Their Park  #funny #Disneyland #Disney World #humor #vacation

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So then…I scroll through the FAQ on the Disneyland website to prep for our upcoming trip.

I notice that the section called “What items are not permitted in Disneyland Park” contains a few things you’d expect:
• Alcoholic beverages
• Illegal substances
• Weapons

BUT they also list:
• Items that may be disruptive (e.g. laser pointers, slingshots, stink bombs, air horns)

(Thank goodness. Can’t tell you how many times our enjoyment of It’s A Small World has been ruined by a nasty stink bomb. Although to be honest, some of those have been human-made by our own party.)

Disneyland’s list clarifies:
• Weapons of any kind (including guns, knives, billy clubs, brass knuckles, nunchucks, stars and other martial arts equipment)

(Nunchucks? Really? Are lethal Ninjas flinging nunchucks at unsuspecting Disneyland tourists?)

The forbidden list also includes:
• Restraining devices (e.g., handcuffs, zip ties) or any suspicious items (e.g., box cutters, razor blades, duct tape, wire)

(Um…duct tape – handcuffs – zip ties? So basically, don’t bring your Rape Kit to Disneyland.)

You also can’t bring:
• Masks (unless you are dressing up for a particular event)
(So is someone thinking: “Well, I WAS going to dress up for my Forced Sexual Abduction — but hell, if I can’t even bring my Rape Kit, there’s no point in bringing the Mask. Damn you, Disneyland, you take all the fun out of a day at the park!”)

But the item that really caught my eye on the list of items you cannot bring is:

Cremated remains (e.g., urns, vases, boxes)

In other words, DO NOT BRING YOUR DEAD FRIENDS AND FAMILY TO DISNEYLAND.

This is completely true. Go to the FAQ on Disneyland’s website.

They list rolling devices (bikes/trikes/motorbikes) plus 19 other things, for a total of 20 forbidden items.

So does this mean that out of the 15 million people who visit Disneyland each year — enough of them brought HUMAN REMAINS to the park that it made the list of Top 20 Items You Cannot Bring To Disneyland?

Can that be right?

Are people sneaking in urns of cremated friends and family to simply SHARE THE EXPERIENCE? As in: “Grandma loved Disneyland. Didn’t seem right to make the trip without her. Kids, strap her in good – these teacups get a little wild!”

Or are people planning to arrive with their cremated loved ones – BUT DEPART WITHOUT THEM? As in: “OK kids, you know how much ol’ Uncle Ricky loved Space Mountain, so just before we start the 5-story drop, open the urn, spread those ashes, and let him loose!”

But if Disneyland IS the Happiest Place on Earth, why wouldn’t they allow people to lay their relatives to rest there?

In fact, I see a huge untapped market for Disneyland! Might I suggest some slogans?

Welcome to DisneyCrypt – the Happiest Resting Place in the After Life.
Come be a Forever Sleeping Beauty in our Magic Castle Coffins.
Blast into the great beyond with Buzz Lightyear’s fully-functioning Rocket Casket.
Enter Neverland in your own Peter Pan Pod.
Ashes to Ashes, Fairy Dust to Fairy Dust – Check out Tinkerbell’s Tomb.
Jump down the ultimate rabbit hole to a true Wonderland in our Mad Hatter Urn.
Enjoy your Eternal Rest in Belle’s Burial Chamber.
Two for One — This Week Only, at Mickey’s Mausoleum
Put the FUN back in FUNeral with Goofy’s Graves!

But then I suddenly realize that this crafty entertainment conglomerate already has the burial market covered! Check out their description of the Pirates of the Caribbean Ride:

“Drift into the Dead Man’s Grotto, where the skeletons of past pirates litter the…haunted ship whose crew drank themselves to death. Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!”

Yo ho, yo ho – a Disney burial’s the death for me!

— Darcy Perdu

(Of course, there was that one time we went to Disneyland that I was READY TO COMMIT MURDER BECAUSE…)

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(Any funny slogan ideas to promote Disneyland as a final resting place — or another park like Universal Studios Tour, Six Flags, Wizarding World of Harry Potter? Any puzzling DOs & DON’Ts at an amusement park, school, pool, restaurant, camp?)

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45 replies on “The One Thing Disneyland INSISTS You Do NOT Bring to Their Park

  1. Darcy,

    Go to youtube and search for After Ever After-Disney Parody. You’ll love it.

    Another great post!!

    Becki

    • Becki, That youtube clip is amazing! What a talented and hilarious guy! I know I’m going to spend the next 15 minutes checking out his other videos! Thanks!

  2. Mark said:

    Not listed on the Disneyland website as restricted that you should totally take with you – a bag full of mousetraps.

    Also — Becki beat me to recommending the Youtube clip.

  3. “Ashes to Ashes, Fairy Dust to Fairy Dust – Check out Tinkerbell’s Tomb”
    This is my favorite slogan. You should seriously send this to them! :)

  4. functional art said:

    Why do they need a rule about bringing in human remains? You would be amazed. As a former employee of the Big Mouse, we would run into people ALL THE TIME who were bringing the cremains of loved ones back to scatter their ashes. While the gesture does seem touching, there are several reasons not to do it. From a practical standpoint, there is no good spot for it. Grandma is going to get blown around and that is seriously unsanitary for people trying to breathe in the area. Second, the park is swept and hosed off ever single night, top to bottom. It’s a little less romantic to picture little Timmy’s ashes being sucked up by the giant street sweeper machines or running into the drainage system. The Haunted Mansion probably had the most problems with the scattering of ashes (no surprise.) Most of the time it was really obvious; there would be a small pile of ashes to the side of the tracks. And the cast would come in with a shop vac and that was that. Even if you choose a more…airburst style delivery hoping to scatter the evidence, the entire ride is cleaned frequently top to bottom. Even the fake cobwebs are vacuumed off, because real dust look way worse than fake dust.
    That said, I do still think there is an untapped market for leaving a bit of your loved one behind. Maybe for a fee, you should be able to have a teaspoon of cremains mixed into the ingredients of a paving brick or something equally subtle/weird.

    • OMIGOD! I am so excited that you actually worked at Disney — and that you can confirm that people DO try to bring human remains to the park!! I am fascinated by your comments! I had no idea so many people really were trying to scatter the ashes of loved ones at the Happiest Place on Earth! The visual of a Disney employee with a shop vac sucking up a little pile of ashes at teh Haunted Mansion just slays me! And I LOVE your idea of offering people the opportunity to mix a teaspoon of ashes into a brick or something so their loved ones are a part of Disney history forever! Let’s jump on that idea! Halfsies on the profits, ok?
      Darcy recently posted..The One Thing Disneyland INSISTS You Do NOT Bring to Their ParkMy Profile

  5. Becky B said:

    I always get a kick out of the old “Do not attempt to stop chainsaw with hands, feet, or genitalia.” Seriously?? How often does that happen that you need to specifically address it in the instruction manual??

  6. This reminds me of the time we picked my daughter up from the bus and spotted a list of things that you have to pay extra for to take with you on the bus. Amoungst other strange and wonderful things, there was “tractor tyres.” I am going there today – I must remember to take my camera with me – really funny.
    Vivian recently posted..Sorry BobMy Profile

    • Vivian, I guess someone driving their tractor got a flat tire, so they had to hop on a bus (presumably WITH the tire) to get home for a new one. And thus the rule was born. What I love about this is that the bus company is not saying you CAN’T bring tractor tires ontheir bus — you CAN, you just have to pay extra for it! Love it!
      Darcy recently posted..The One Thing Disneyland INSISTS You Do NOT Bring to Their ParkMy Profile

      • Lisa said:

        The bus my son rides to school has a rulebook that states that bowling balls are not allowed on the bus.

        • Bwahaha! I’m DYING to know what prompted THAT rule! You KNOW somebody went rogue with a bowling ball down the bus aisle or something crazy! Ha!

  7. DWP said:

    This story reminds me of an occurrence from the other end of the life cycle. I worked in a California hospital and one of our expectant mothers was a tried and true Texan. She had a bag of dirt shipped to her, which she placed under her hospital bed, so that her baby could be born “over Texas soil.” :-D

  8. Clearly most people don’t bother to read the FAQ’s…they do say the most often told lie on the Internet is “I’ve read and agreed to the terms” lol

  9. Hazel Rude said:

    Darcy,

    This “So then…” story is beyond hysterical. You covered alot of “DO NOT’s,” but the ones that also caught my eye were: Fire Extinguishers and Pots and Pans. Yep, I usually carry a fire extinguisher wherever I go, so good tip from Disneyland! But the funny thing is: it didn’t say you couldn’t bring in a smoke alarm. Perfect! Now I know there would be no need for my handy/dandy fire extinguisher. Good to know. Or, DO NOT bring in pots and pans. But that begs the next question, “Can I bring in a stove?” — Hazel

      • I can. You’d be shocked at the audacity of people. I worked in Disney World for three years. If you thought,”no way a person would ever do it,” there is a person that would, and feel good about it as well.

        If they thought they could get away with starting a fire and cooking lunch in the middle of the park, they would do it in an instant.

        Add that into the fact that you’ll see tourists from almost every country on earth, and their customs absolutely will not line up with ours. So our “wtf” is a common, normal part of their every day life.

  10. I actually used to work at the haunted mansion at WDW. It’s not common, but occasionally someone would dump ashes in the ride. It’s disgusting. Disney World has about the same rules as Disneyland as far as bringing things into the park goes. They don’t allow remains for a number of reasons. Mostly because it’s unsanitary. They don’t want guests or cast members breathing that in. Also, we already have 999 happy haunts at mansion. We don’t need anymore.

    • I’m starting to realize why Disney has this rule! People really ARE bringing their dead friends and relatives to the park! Yikes!

  11. Disney… Where ALL of your dreams can come true… once you are dead.

    Come share the magic with your loved one’s soul…

    lol great post!

  12. A disabled man in a wheelchair was just awarded $8K for being stranded on a Disneyland ride for thirty minutes. Most of his stress was mental because he had to listen to, “It’s a Small World” over and over. He was babbling incoherently when they finally freed him.

    The Disney folks aren’t as sharp as they used to be. They should have checked the mechanics involved necessary to move the ride along. They quite possibly could have found a large tooth or other poorly cremated remains binding a gear.
    Ben Swilley recently posted..A Better Class of Criminals!My Profile

  13. When I worked for Disney’s Fairy Tale Weddings, we had a running joke that we should start a division called Disney’s Fairy Tale Funerals and sell cemetery plots at the Haunted Mansion. You KNOW that people would buy those! And they could sell coffins with pictures of the characters on them, lined with satin Mickeys or Minnies. Morbid, sad and distasteful–Yes. But would it sell??? You betcha!
    Leslie recently posted..Pope WalterMy Profile

  14. Leah said:

    “Put the FUN back in FUNeral” I laughed forever on that one!

  15. Leah said:

    “Enter A Whole New Underworld with Aladdin’s Crypt!”

  16. Pingback: Weekly Wrap Up – May 5 | My Life and Kids

  17. Adam Alcantara said:

    Interesting factoid, the reason you can’t bring cremated remains into the park is because one woman who lost her son spread his remains about the Haunted Mansion attraction, his favorite ride. A bit fitting I guess, but there’s your reasoning!

    • I wondered why that rule was started, so now I know!

  18. So much for having my ashes scattered at Disney when I die. What a crock! I also wonder if the bondage kits are verboten if staying on property at Disney World? It would be embarrassing to be asked to leave my hotel room because of a little bondage play.
    mike recently posted..Hanging out (those things could kill someone)My Profile

  19. This was an E ticket ride! You are a complete riot!! I love the slogans! Just think, “Rest In Peace…. With Beauty & the Beast!” The cast sings “be our guest, put our (funeral) service to the test!”

    Ironically, I wrote a Disneyland post around this same time called “the happiest place on earth depresses me.”

    Ps. That is the coolest thing you have an audio reading…. “Blogs on Tape!”
    Stephanie Lewis recently posted..The Doctor Is In – – But I’m Out… (of my mind!)My Profile

    • Thanks, Stephanie! Love the Beauty & the Beast tagline and song!

  20. Jenny said:

    You realize that the fact that it is listed there means that at some point someone scattered grandma off the top of Magic Mountain….

    • Ha! Yes! Some of the Disney employees are even chiming in to confirm this is a common occurrence! So crazy!!

  21. Linda said:

    In fact, lots of people bring the remains of loved ones to spread their ashes around the park, especially in the Small World and Pirates rides.

    • I could understand the Pirate rides, but It’s a Small World too? Wow, I’ll look around a bit when I’m there next!

  22. You’d be surprised. They’ll be people who want to lay their loved ones to rest in Disneyland, I would have thought. We had a huge problem over here (New Zealand) with people laying their loved ones’ remains to rest in the rose garden, and it was killing the roses. They now have to have signs up to try to stop people from doing it. Weird but true.
    Clare Jaurigue recently posted..Easier to Wrangle a Vampire at a Blood Bank than a Kid at a Grocery StoreMy Profile

    • How awkward! I can just imagine tastefully-inscribed little signs between the rose bushes: “Please don’t sprinkle your dead people here.”