What’s So Damn Funny?

What's So Damn Funny?  #award-winner #humor #hilarious #writing #blogging

So then…you ask, “What’s so damn funny?”

Apparently me! WooHoo!

I just won 1st Place in the National Society of Newspaper Columnists competition for the Category: Online, Blog & Multimedia Columns (under 100K monthly visitors)!

I’m so excited! Congrats to the other winners too!

Judge Mae Israel, veteran journalist who worked at The Washington Post for nearly 20 years said this about my writing:

“Darcy Perdu writes with wit and clear-eyed energy, with just the right pace and rhythm, eliciting hearty chuckles and nods of solidarity with her tales about raising children and family life. She packages her columns under the label “So Then…Stories,” and plunges lightheartedly into crisp storytelling like a friendly next door neighbor who stops you at the mailbox and lassos you with such engaging language and good humor that you look forward to the next day’s adventure.”

WOW!  Thank you, Mae Israel!  I’m literally blushing!

Can you believe it? I’ve entered 3 writing competitions since I started blogging 18 months ago – and I’ve won awards in all 3 of them! Humor BlogHer VOTY 2013, Humor BlogHer VOTY 2014, and now the National Society of Newspaper Columnists for Blog Category!

3 for 3!

With that winning streak, I feel like I’ll win EVERY contest I EVER enter for the REST OF MY LIFE!

(And I ALSO feel like I should NEVER enter another competition AS LONG AS I LIVE, so that I can maintain my 100% record!) Ha!

And I know what you’re thinking: “Darcy, honey, three humor awards? It’s time to quit your corporate job and write full-time! Focus on your hilarious blog stories, finish writing that uproarious murder mystery, polish up those funny sitcom pilots, pitch those freelance articles, and write the treatment for that kick-ass comedic travel TV series!”

OH.MY.GOD. That’s exactly what I was thinking too!

And if you’re ALSO thinking: “Darcy, honey, I believe in your writing talent SO much, I’ll happily send you enough money to pay all your bills while you’re pursuing your dream” – well, then, I WILL quit my corporate job and write full-time!

And I’ll be so grateful, I’ll have crazy-hot-sexy-time with you! (or just send you a thank you card, whichever you prefer)

But if you don’t have the financial net worth for that kind of patronage:

DO NOT DESPAIR!

There is STILL something you can do to support this worthy cause!

1) Rack your BEAUTIFUL BRAIN to think of any connections you might have in the publishing or entertainment world. Tell ‘em I’m frikkin’ hilarious and link ’em to So Then Stories!

Think hard – is your cousin’s barber’s mechanic’s parole officer’s fiancée a newpaper editor? Literary agent? TV producer? Screenwriter? Magazine editor? Book publisher? Network exec?

If so, let ‘em know that the (cough cough) award-winning humor writer Darcy Perdu is available for hire!   (darcy@sothenstories.com)

2) Press your FABULOUS FINGER on the Share buttons below my humor posts! The more you share my funny stories on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Google+, the more laugh-loving readers will find my blog, increase my traffic, and capture the attention of publishers and agents who like to see a large following when they choose writers.

3) Use your DARLING DIGITS to type in your email address right HERE so you can automatically receive 2 NEW funny So Then Stories per week. Then forward those emails to your friends/family/lovers/prison pen pals so they’ll start reading the blog too!

I wish I could have flown to Washington DC last week to accept the NSNC award and party with all those cool columnists, but my day job required me to – you know – work, so that I could afford to pay for – you know – food. (Damn that pesky food addiction of mine!)

For the NSNC Competition, each entrant had to submit 3 posts representative of our writing style. These are the 3 that I submitted, so please click the picture below if you haven’t read that one yet!

And THANK YOU for reading So Then Stories! I LOVE reading your COMMENTS!

Love & kisses, The (cough cough) award-winning Darcy Perdu

Most Outrageous Party Guest Ever! #funny #parties #birthday #party #events

Telling the Teacher a Big Fat Juicy Lie! #funny #teacher #student #lying

Oh, She Did NOT Just Say That! #funny #school #drama #volunteer #pta #pisces #cosmetics #hairstyle

 

I Write

So then…I write my first post on my brand new website, sothenstories.com.

But why?

Mainly because of conversations like this that I’ve been having for the last kabillion years:

When I meet someone new and they ask what I do, I typically say, “I’m meant to be a world-renown, best-selling writer!”

They smile expectantly and nod encouragingly, like…and?

I say, “But I understand you have to write something first.”

They frown, perplexed.

And I say, “I know, right?  What a hassle!  Do you know how long it takes to write a book?  And they won’t even consider publishing it until you’ve written the whole damn thing.  I could write screenplays instead, but everyone’s writing a script!  Hollywood execs literally burn screenplays for fuel to heat their hot tub parties with sexy starlets!  And don’t even get me started on the market for poetry!”

Then they look confused.  So I tell them what I actually do for a living and we carry on.

But it’s a shame, really.  I would be such an AWESOME world-renown, best-selling writer!  I love to write!  And ever since childhood, I could totally envision myself on late night talk shows, chatting away about my books – sharing amusing anecdotes – engaging the audience – charming the host.

I had my endearing grin nailed.

And I wouldn’t be one of those celebs who complains about fame — or whines about fans invading their privacy.  I would revel in their adulation!

I would totally sign autographs for anyone

anywhere

even in the bathroom.

Even if they didn’t ask for an autograph!

Occasionally people follow up on my stated desire to write – and the conversation usually goes something like this:

They ask me, “Well, then why don’t you write some books and try to get them published?”

And I sigh and list the 57 reasons why this is simply not possible, what with my full-time, high-pressured job; the care and maintenance of my two adorable children; business trips; room parent duties; photos albums to organize; cleaning out the garage–

Then they look at me with disappointment and say something like, “Really?  Those are your excuses?  Didn’t J.K. Rowling write the Harry Potter series by candlelight in her trailer while supporting her daughter on welfare?”

I say, “Well, I’m not sure if it was really by candleli—”

Then someone else says, “And didn’t that John Grisham guy work like 70 hours a week as a lawyer and still write tons of books?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” the first person says.  “Lots of working lawyers write legal thrillers.  And doctors with full caseloads write medical thrillers!”

Full caseloads,” the second person says admiringly, shaking his head.  “Saving lives – and still finding time to write.  Remarkable.”

I shift uncomfortably.  I don’t like the direction this conversation is going.  It’s less about how fabulous I could be – and more about how fabulous other people actually are.

“Remember that Michael Crichton guy?” asks first person.

Jurassic Park?” says second person.

“Right, Jurassic Park, Disclosure, lots of stuff.  He sold like 200 million books!  And he started writing books while he was still attending Harvard Medical School.”

“Oh.  My.  Well, that is impressive,” I concede.  “But you know, not everyone can find the time to—”

“The key is time management,” says second person.

“Right — time management.  Lots of these writers are parents, work a busy career – but they get up at 5:00 in the morning to write,” says first person.

“Yeah, why don’t you get up at 5:00 in the morning?” the second person asks brightly.

“Hmm – mm, well,” I stammer.  “Five o’clock is awfully earl—”

“Oh,” they say in unison.  They exchange a look.  A disappointed look.

“Well,” I splutter quickly, “I just mean that I, ya know, it’s so hard to – ya know, with work and kids and –”

“Oh, no, no, that’s fine,” the first person assures me, holding up a hand to halt my attempt to explain.

“Yeah, totally,” the other person says kindly.  “We get it.”

“Yeah, we get it,” the first person says.  They sip their drinks and look at me quietly.

Their judgmental expressions whisper slacker, slacker, slacker.

And then I feel really bad.  And then I don’t do anything about it for 100 years.

And then I say to myself, Well, I certainly don’t have the writing talent of a Grisham or a Crichton or a Rowling, but I’ll be damned if I let a time management issue be my excuse for not doing something I love to do.

So then…I write.

And it’s not a whole damn book or a whole damn screenplay.

It’s just a story.

A story from my life.  Because that’s what I can handle right now.

A few stories a week.

And I’m putting them out there in the hopes that you might find them amusing, or intriguing, or enjoyable, or at least relatable.  And I’m hoping you’ll write your story and post it next to mine so I can enjoy your related experience too.  And I will laugh or chortle or snort.

Because I love to laugh even more than I love to write.

And we will share the funny, one story at a time.

And who knows, if enough people read my stories and enjoy them, maybe one day someone will ask for my autograph — in a bathroom – and I will toss my hair and flash my endearing grin – and gratefully sign that toilet paper:  “Darcy Perdu, Writer!”