Honestly, CONTROL Yourself

Honestly CONTROL Yourself
So then…I hear the guy sitting next to me say to his companions, “Did you see Trey at the club last night? What the hell was on his neck?”

I slide my eyes over in his direction, while pretending to continue scrolling through my phone. I’m sitting in the waiting area at the Las Vegas airport and the conversation to my left is much more interesting than my work emails.

What was on Trey’s neck? A hickey? A ruby necklace? A boa constrictor?

Until the flight boards, I listen in on their conversation while they trash Trey, debate the merits of two dancers they met at an after-hours club, complain about their hotel, and dish about their co-workers.

I am fascinated. Of the three guys, Bobby, in particular, is my favorite since he’s funny, irreverent, and gregarious. The whole time they’re talking, he is ripping off pieces of a gigantic blueberry muffin that is literally the size of his head.

It is the most ENORMOUS muffin I have ever seen.

He rips a piece, eats it, then joins in the verbal banter, rips a piece, eats it, and so on.

This goes on for 20 minutes, then finally he has eaten the entire muffin except for one last teeny tiny little piece on the paper plate.

Honestly Control Yourself Crumbs

He looks down, dramatically wraps the plastic wrap over the plate, and pointedly says to his companions, “They say you should always leave something on your plate; don’t be a PIG.”

He tosses his head, smiles smugly, and sits back in his chair.

All of us bust out laughing.

I don’t even try to pretend I’m not eavesdropping.

Bobby gives us all a fake “what? what?” look, then joins in the laughter too.

Now whenever I am down to the last tiny bite of a HUGE plate of pasta or a GIANT piece of cake, I think of Bobby and demurely push aside that last teeny bit, so that I “always leave something on my plate” lest someone thinks I’m being a piggie.

— Darcy Perdu

(Do you leave a little on the plate – or polish off every last bite? What’s your best method to control yourself while eating, drinking, shopping, gambling, sexing? Ever overheard something funny in an airport? Do tell in the Comments Section!)

Honestly CONTROL Yourself P