I Don’t Mean To Be All Judgy On This Chick, But REALLY…

I Don't Mean to be all Judgy on this Chick -- But REALLY! #funny #moms #class #kids #students #school

So then…the kindergarteners sing the last note of “You Are My Sunshine” and the classroom erupts with applause from the parents sitting on little chairs in the back.

The teacher announces, “OK, parents, that concludes our parents’ program. It’s noon, so you can just take your kids home with you now – or let them stay at school until 3:00.”

Who SAYS that? Right in front of the kids?

That’s like telling a 5 year old, “Here’s a BRAND NEW PUPPY JUST FOR YOU! – unless your Mom says no.”

So now kids are tumbling over to their parents asking to go home now – and many of the Moms are wearing that conflicted expression of “Ahh! I had hoped to have another 3 hours of peace and quiet – but I’ll be the worst mom ever if I don’t take my kid home now.”

The air is thick with guilt.

Some of the kids are clueless, though, like my daughter, who’s happily pressing Valentine’s candies into her cupcake with her friends. She knows I need to return to the office and she loves her school pals, so I’m good to go.

Meanwhile, I overhear this exchange:

Mom 1: Are you taking your son home now or having him stay ‘til 3?

Mom 2, blowing nose: I don’t know…I’m sick today, so I was thinking of having him stay.

Mom 1: Oh – well, if you don’t feel well, why don’t you take my son home with you too – and he can keep your son company while you rest!

Mom 2: *?*

Who says THAT?

Seriously! Not “since you’re sick, why don’t I take YOUR son home with ME so you can rest” — she actually suggested the sick mom take another kid home with HER!

Just what a sick mom needs – TWO 5-year-olds running around her house creating havoc!

Not to mention, why would you want to send your kid to someone’s house when they’re sick? (We generally try to avoid close contact with sniffling, slobbering, sneezing people so we don’t get sick too.)

I try hard not to be judgy of Mom 1, but I am literally thunderstruck by her audacity.

And she’s not backing down. She’s telling Mom 2 that the kids will have so much fun together at Mom 2’s house! She’s really selling it! Very enthusiastic! Mom 2 wavers, looking uncomfortable.

As mentioned, I have to get back to the office, so I can’t even offer to take Mom 2’s kid off her hands for a playdate – and I don’t know either of the Moms well enough to interject with an alternate plan (or a swift kick to the rear).

So instead I flash a look at Mom 2 that says, “Ermagerd, she is cray-cray if she thinks yer gonna take her kid home too – you stay strong, gurl, don’t let this chick railroad you into a forced playdate!”

Just then, Chloe zips over to show me her candy-cupcake creation, so I don’t know how the situation resolves between Mom 1 and Mom 2, but I hope that mama stayed strong!

Have you ever?

— Darcy Perdu

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(Honestly, I was stunned by this woman. How about you — any similar situations where you just thought, “I can’t believe they just said that!” Any funny stories about Moms, playdates, school parties, or teachers who sell you out in front of your kids? Do tell!)

SPONSORS WE LOVE

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I’m delighted to welcome Birth With Balance as a sponsor of So Then Stories! The lovely Chelsea Ann Wiley has created a warm, wonderful website chock full of amazing birth stories from women all over the world. These true accounts of birthin’ babies include stories that are hilarious, suspenseful, touching, heartbreaking, and joyous. As a labor and delivery nurse, Chelsea noticed that many women entered the maternity ward not knowing what to really expect — or clinging to a birth plan that unfolds a bit…differently than planned. Chelsea created the Birth with Balance website so that “through storytelling, active discussions, and supportive listening, we create a collaborative opportunity to connect women around the world and contribute to positive childbirth experiences.”  Naturally, my favorites are the funny ones like “Ready or Not Here I Come” and “Childbirth Advice.” Click those links, then poke around on Chelsea’s site to find more great stories — then ADD YOUR OWN! Be sure to share the site with others, especially moms-to-be! Thanks, Darcy Perdu

Seriously — WORST Carpool Ever!

WORST Carpool EVER!  #funny #parents #carpool #school #kids #humor

So then…the mom on the phone says that she saw our name on the “Interested in Carpooling List” for the middle school.

“Yes,” I confirm. “We’d love to carpool, but our 7th grade son needs to be at school an hour early every day because he’s in Concert Band.”

“Great,” she says. “Our son’s ALSO in 7th grade and ALSO in Concert Band, so he has to be there at 7:00 each morning, just like your son.”

Booh-yah!

“That’s terrific!” I say.

(I’m so excited! The middle school is a half hour drive from our home, so it will be awesome to take turns enduring the one-hour roundtrip drive with another mom whose child has the same schedule as ours.)

Then she says, “I should tell you though, that we have three other children that we need to drive to their schools so we can’t actually drive to our son’s school.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, we can drop our son off at your house so you can drive him and your son to school by 7:00 am, but we won’t be able to take turns driving to the school itself.” She laughs a little. “So I guess it’s not really much of a ‘carpool’ situation, is it?”

(Um, no. I’d have to agree. That’s not much of a “carpool” situation – that’s more of a “chauffeur” situation.)

So basically she’s calling to ask if we can drive her son to school every day!

And because I’m a sap — and I feel sorry for her that she has so many other kids to drive to school — and I’m hoping maybe her son and my son can enjoy bonding time and become friendly on the drive each day – and I figure it’s good for the environment — I say yes.

I consider wearing a little chauffeur’s cap, opening the door for her son, and greeting him each day with “Mornin’, Guvnor, where to?

But instead I delegate the driving to David so he can enjoy “father&son&son’s-bandmate bonding time” on that drive to school each day.

Booh-yah!

— Darcy Perdu

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Original Illustration by Mary Chowdhury for So Then Stories

(Any strange carpool situations out there? Or other moms who try to take advantage – or who don’t pull their fair share? Share your funny “parent volunteer” stories from school events, carnivals, and fundraisers!)