Oh, She Did NOT Just Say That

So then…Janice, the Cast Mom for the 8th Grade production of “Annie,” asks for volunteers to work the 4 show nights – snack bar, ticket takers, and congratulations telegrams.

But then her emails take a strange turn…

Cast Parents:
If you’d like to volunteer for ANNIE and haven’t responded yet, please let me know since some parents are working all 4 shows.
Janice

Janice:
Could I help with telegrams for the Saturday night show?
Darcy

Darcy:
All spots for telegrams are taken. I think we’re in good shape… unless you want to help with hair and make-up, which for some reason doesn’t seem like your thing?
Janice

Oh, no – she did NOT just say that!

“unless you want to help with hair and make-up, which for some reason doesn’t seem like your thing?”

What? Why doesn’t hair and make-up seem like my “thing?”

What exactly is she trying to say here?

Is she implying my hair’s a mess and my make-up is shoddy?

Or am I such a bumbling fool, she’s afraid I’ll put lipstick on their eyelids and mascara on their lips?

Or does she think I’m such a skank, I’ll tart up the little orphans to look like transvestite hookers?

Honestly!

That’s like saying, “We’d ask you to bring something to the potluck, but cooking doesn’t seem to be your thing.”

Or “We need field trip chaperones, but parenting doesn’t seem to be your thing.”

Imagine your date saying, “I’d invite you upstairs, but sex doesn’t seem to be your thing.”

So just as I’m about to whip myself into a self-righteous frenzy about her veiled insult…

I take a breath and realize she’s probably just like me – chasing kids, working, juggling a million demands from a million people. PLUS, she’s the Cast Mom, so she’s dealing with all the students and the Drama Mamas – and she’s probably staying up past midnight every night just like me to get everything done – so her remark was probably unintentional.

So, as usual, I decide to find the funny – and I start giggling.

Janice:
I am laughing so hard right now — is there something about MY hair and make-up that suggests I wouldn’t be skilled at helping others with theirs?

I’m cracking up because that’s probably NOT what you meant — but the truth is — I am TERRIBLE at hair and make-up and you’re right — it is definitely not my thing!

I can help with selling snacks if you need it.

Or eating snacks. I’m good at that.
Darcy

Darcy:
LOL!!!
I did not intend any implications other than…
<<<LOL – can’t stop laughing!!>>>
It’s just that you are a fellow Pisces and it is SO NOT MY THING either!
All right then, I will put you down for eating snacks on Saturday night.
Janice

Of course I’m delighted to learn her comment wasn’t intended to cast aspersions on my grooming skills.

But now I’m perplexed as to how she knows I’m a Pisces?

And since when has that astrological sign been burdened with a reputation for inferior cosmetology and hairstyling?!

Makes me wonder what my daughter and her daughter discuss at rehearsal.

Is my daughter Chloe confiding to her classmates, “Ahh, my mom is HOPELESS at hair and make-up. (sigh) But you know, she’s a Pisces. What’re you gonna do? It’s in their nature.”

— Darcy Perdu

Artwork by Dixie Allan

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(Ever receive an odd comment or email that seemed like a veiled insult? Any funny stories about volunteering for the school play, field trip, class party, or dance? Is hair and make-up YOUR thing? Or are you a Pisces too?)

Oh, She Did NOT Just Say That!  #funny  #school #drama #volunteer #pta #pisces #cosmetics #hairstyle

A Mother ALWAYS Knows

School Pictures: Telling My Kid the COLD HARD TRUTH - It Ain't Pretty, Kid!  #funny #school #kids #humor

Examples of School Pics from Around the Country

So then…I slide some of the framed 8” x 10” school photos of my kids aside, so I can reach the book on the top shelf that my daughter Chloe needs.

There are literally years and years of 8” x 10”s cluttering the shelves. For the most part, they are gorgeous — and they are my children, so I cannot bear to put them away.

So I display literally every school photo they have ever taken.

As I hand Chloe the book, I gesture to one particular school photo of her and say, “I’ve always hated that picture.”

Chloe, curious:     Why?

Me:                       Your hair is dirty.

Chloe:                  What? My hair is “dirty?” That picture was taken 4
years ago!
How in the world can you tell if my hair
was dirty that day!?

Me, curling lip:      Oh, I can tell.

— Darcy Perdu

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(Can you tell when YOUR kid’s hair is dirty in school photos? Or when they’ve worn that shirt twice in a row?  As much as you love your children, are there some photos you really DON’T love? What’s your favorite of the 6 fun photos above?  I LOVE the “Crown of Hair” in the upper left corner!)

My Daughter, the Italian Truck Driver

My Daughter, the Italian Truck Driver P Clear
So then…I confirm I’m available for dinner with the other three Margarita Mamas a week from Tuesday, but I add a P.S. to the email, directed to one of the Moms who is known for meticulous and enthusiastic grooming for herself and her daughter.

I write:
Kate, I can’t believe I’m asking this question because my daughter is only 12 years old, but she has the big bushy eyebrows of an Italian truck driver. Where do you take your daughter for her eyebrow waxing/shaping — and once you start, do you have to go weekly to maintain it? If so, that’s too much money and I will just change Chloe’s name to Emilio the Hairy-Eyebrowed Truck Driver.

My Daughter, the Italian Truck Driver Movie Star                   (the eyebrows look a little something like this)

Mindy chimes in:
I know Kate has a place she likes, but you can also consider xxxxxx Salon. Going every 2 weeks should be fine – or teach her how to pluck! Poor Emilio…

Kate writes:
My daughter and I go to xxxxxx Salon. We go every two weeks and it’s about $20. You may not have to take her that often. Good luck!

I respond to all THREE Moms, jokingly:
Thanks, Kate & Mindy, for your referrals for eyebrow shaping. Sherry, where do you take Jack?

Sherry responds:
You’re hilarious! I was cracking up when I read the first e-mail. Jack wears his hair so long, I think he’s going for the “Cousin It” look. I’m not even sure if he has eyebrows…

I respond:
Love the Cousin It remark! I literally had to bribe Tucker to get a haircut and to shave his long sideburns and wispy hair that is growing along his jawbone. He wanted to “grow it in to see if it would become a beard.” The hair stylist and I told him it would take CENTURIES to grow those wisps into a beard — and it would just be a beard UNDER his chin, so he’d end up looking like one of the Appalachian hill people! Lord help us!

Sherry replies:
Ugh, boys and their hair. I thought my daughter would be way worse, but my son’s the difficult one. Yet, he still wants me to comb his hair every morning. I asked him if I’d be getting a key to his apartment when he moves out — or should I just move in next door, so I’d still be able to comb his hair in the morning. He just gave me “the look.” My daughter laughed. But him, not so much. As for Tucker, I would love to have seen him before the haircut and shave. What “style” station are they watching that they think it’s a good look for them? National Geographic – Neanderthal/Appalachian Style Network…?

I respond:
That’s hilarious about you possibly having to live next door to your adult son so you can comb his hair each morning! As for Tucker, when his hair grows – it grows OUT – not DOWN — so he looks like he has a poofy big-hair coiffure like a 1960’s librarian. I was so relieved he consented to cut it short!

My Daughter, the Italian Truck Driver Librarian                                   1960’s Librarian Hairstyle

Click here to see photos of overgrown eyebrows of Chloe (aka Emilio the Truck Driver)
Click here to see Tucker’s 1960’s librarian hairstyle and Appalachian wispy under-chin beard

(NOTE: If photo links do not work, it’s possible my children have disabled my linking capabilities and hidden all photos of themselves, lest they be publicly humiliated.)

— Darcy Perdu

(Any fun follicle follies to share about YOUR kids? Anybody who shuns haircuts, eyebrow waxing, and beard shaving to live a more hirsute lifestyle? With our Italian-Irish heritage, our family’s soooo lucky that our dark bushy hair really POPS on our pale alabaster skin! I practically have to shave my legs HOURLY! Share your hair tales in the Comments Section!)

My Daughter, the Italian Truck Driver P