Murderers Trying to Break into My House

Funny - Murderers Trying to Break into My House
So then…I cock my head and freeze.

Is someone outside? Is someone OUTSIDE the house trying to get INSIDE?

My heart is pounding. I will my ears to hear…harder!

It’s not quite dark outside, but I’m a nervous wreck. My boyfriend has been out of town all week so I’m all by myself in this new rental house – and I’m managing to freak myself out at the slightest sound.

I’m a full-grown woman in my 20’s but sometimes I feel completely vulnerable when I’m alone too long. Especially if I’ve been watching too many scary movies.

I hear crunching noises, then steps. No one should be here! I’m literally frozen in the hallway.

Loud knocking at the door!

I peek out of the side window and I see two men!

NO WAY am I gonna open the door for two men when I’m all by myself.

I pretend I’m not home.

They loudly knock AGAIN!

How do they know I’m here?

I have to send them away! But I need an excuse why I won’t open the door.

The first thing that pops into my head is THIS, which I say in a high-pitched little girl voice:

“My Mom won’t let me open the door when she’s not home.”

WTF?

WHAT am I thinking?

If these are murderer-rapists, that is EXACTLY what they’re hoping to hear! Young girl? Check. Alone? Check. Parents not home? Check. Let’s do this.

My heart is beating so loudly – I’m in full panic mode.

THEN THE DOORKNOB TURNS!!

THEY ARE TRYING TO GET INSIDE THE HOUSE!!

I run to the back bedroom and lock the door. I grab the phone. I look for a weapon of some kind.

I strain to hear what’s going on outside. Nothing. All is quiet. They are obviously plotting to come back after dark to torture and murder me. I ain’t staying for that!

I run to the kitchen to grab a butcher knife, my keys, and the phone. I don’t see them outside so I make a mad dash to escape.

As I slam the door behind me, some papers fall to the ground…

religious papers…

Jehovah’s Witnesses literature…

that they had rubber-banded to my doorknob…

to help me find the right path to the Lord.

These men were not here to KILL me.

They were here to SAVE me.

***

Now I know what you’re thinking: “Don’t you feel pretty silly, Darcy?”

No. No, I don’t.

Because you know what, Jehovah’s Witnesses can be torture-murderers too. Whom am I to profile certain religious groups to assume that they AREN’T torture-murderers? Huh? That’s just discrimination, people. And I am no discriminator.

— Darcy Perdu

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(Are there times that you get absolutely freaked out or paranoid too? Any situations you thought were dangerous, but turned out to be harmless? Share in the Comments!)
Funny - Murderers Trying to Break into My House