Story Archives
Enjoy the hilarious humiliations, amusing anecdotes, and bodacious blunders of Darcy Perdu by clicking a story below – then post a related story from your own life – and read those of others! This way, we’re all sharing the funny, one story at a time.
So then…my friend Mindy sends me and her other pals an email asking if any of us have an outfit that her young daughter Amanda can wear to a school… read more
So then…I click on the headline, “Human Head Found in Bag,” because -- seriously, how could you not? The Los Angeles Times online article says: “The human head, housed inside… read more
So then…she puts her foot down – literally…and loudly. Loudly because the foot is encased in a cast, thanks to the fracture Chloe sustained at her 6th Grade Field Day.… read more
So then…I find the PERFECT Father’s Day Gift. A Colorful “C*ck Sock!” When my friend posts the above image on her Facebook page to playfully suggest these swimsuits for her… read more
So then…I open my backpack and untangle my jump rope from my friendship bracelets so I can reach my math workbook. In the kitchen, I grab two chocolate Ding Dongs… read more
So then…he says, “Listen, I have bad news.” “What kind of bad news, Sam?” I ask the broker on the phone. “Your client’s scheduled to move into one of our… read more
So then…I smile that “oh-I’m-so-happy-to-be-here-but-secretly-I’m-dying-inside” smile at my sister’s family as I settle down into the metal folding chair for my nephew Brian’s graduation ceremony from a large Florida university.… read more
So then…the little 2nd-graders march respectfully up the aisle and step up to surround the altar. They turn to face the congregation and we all smile at the girls in… read more
So then…I walk out of the store to my car -- and I see an advertising flyer stuck under my windshield wiper. I hate those. I don’t want it in… read more
So then…she nibbles the coconut-walnut brownie I baked and comments on how nicely Tucker and her son Andrew, both age 11, are playing basketball in our backyard. I beam because… read more
So then…my sister (who lives up north) and I try to find a week during the summer for us to get together with our kids. Here is our email exchange,… read more
So then…Chloe gleefully slathers the glue all over the “roof” of the cardboard box, while her 5th grade classmate Hailey meticulously presses small stones and rocks into the glue. The… read more
So then…they stop squealing and giggling long enough for me to ask, “Would you like to eat here or go out to lunch?” Chloe and her first-grade classmate Penny shout… read more
So then…I mock the other moms (aka the “Margarita Mamas”) for bailing so early after dining at a local restaurant. “It’s only 8:30! It’s too early to go home to… read more
So then…I give big hugs and kisses to Tucker, 7, and Chloe, 4, for their homemade Mother’s Day gifts and thank them for the gorgeous flowers in the vase next… read more
So then…Chloe, age 3, and Tucker, age 6, are dancing around the living room, singing at the top of their lungs: “I LOVE ROCK N ROLL! Put another dime in… read more
So then…the mom on the phone says that she saw our name on the “Interested in Carpooling List” for the middle school. “Yes,” I confirm. “We’d love to carpool, but… read more
So then…his hand shoots up and the neighborhood HOA president calls on him. My husband David stands up at the homeowners meeting and announces: “We've been robbed!” Two gasps and… read more
So then…I try to focus on the comments of the fire officer about the project site plan on the counter between us – but instead, I am staring at the… read more
So then…I wave the papers in my husband’s direction and say, “The lawyer wants us to answer some questions before we meet with him to fill out the living wills.”… read more
So then…she unpacks her backpack on the kitchen table and begins prattling about her school day. “So Mom, you know Mrs. Reed?” “Yep – 5th grade English, right?” I say… read more
So then…she curls her lip almost imperceptibly as she examines the heavy brocade drapes on my living room windows. As she lifts the thick fabric, dust motes fly up into… read more
So then…I open the freezer and see dead fish. Lots of dead fish. Not the delicious kind that you cook for supper like salmon or swordfish. No, these are dead… read more
So then…Tucker slides down the playground slide and lands with a satisfactory thud in the dirt. He beams and scrambles up the ladder to repeat the rush of the freefall.… read more
So then…I cradle the kitchen phone between ear and shoulder so I can spoon the whipped cream into the cream cheese, as the store clerk says he’s not sure if… read more
So then…we finish chatting about our children, and the talk turns to nannies. We’re grateful to have help with our tiny tots and toddlers and household chores while we’re working,… read more
So then…I adjust the shoulder strap of my leather briefcase. I’m taking an empty elevator back to my 28th floor hotel room after my business meeting on a sunny afternoon… read more
So then…she says “huh” and looks a bit perplexed. We’re sitting on the couch, surrounded by big comfortable cushions. We’ve just concluded “the talk.” My daughter is young still, so this… read more
So then…I stop at the light, yelp at a piercing pain in my leg, then feel my car gently bump the car in front of it. It’s just a tap… read more
So then…I scroll through the FAQ on the Disneyland website to prep for our upcoming trip. I notice that the section called “What items are not permitted in Disneyland Park”… read more
So then… she utters those words that strike fear into every travelling businessperson: “I need to talk to you about your expense statement.” My heart races just a bit –… read more
So then…she says, “He’s a very bright boy.” I beam. She says, “And so creative!” I glow. “And I’m so impressed that he's only 7 and he types his spelling homework!… read more
So then…she asks, “Do you have a lifeguard on duty?” I look at my backyard. All the kids are on the sport court or grass. The pool cover is pulled… read more
So then…she says, “Maybe black lace? Or something colorful? Purple?” “I don’t know – maybe,” I respond. “But I do need a whole new wardrobe of unmentionables. It’s been so… read more
So then…my neighbor sends me this photo she took of interlopers on my front lawn. I respond, “How beautiful! We saw these deer the other night too. How cool that they… read more
So then…the server sets down the second round of drinks. As we toast Girls’ Night Out as carefree ladies for a whole evening, unencumbered by husbands and kids, it’s only… read more
So then…I answer the phone and a voice says, “Do you have a trampoline in your backyard?” Actually, I do. But now that someone’s asking, I’m suddenly, inexplicably nervous about… read more
So then…he says, “How about sushi?” and I respond enthusiastically, “Sure!” – because how could I not? He’s the interviewer and I’m the interviewee. Even though I’m 25 and live… read more
So then…he teeters toward the step down into the living room and I lunge for his little toddler legs in case he tips. He doesn’t. He waddles over toward his… read more
So then…I open the mailbox and find a little pillow – too big for a doll, but too small for a child. It is tye-dyed in dark swirly colors. It… read more
So then…I kick the dishwasher. And the dishwasher is singularly unimpressed. So I hop online and send an email to some of my friends in the neighborhood: Dear Neighbors: Did… read more
So then…I forage in the pantry for a mid-afternoon pick-me-up – chocolate being my addiction of choice. I score a handful of White Chocolate-Covered Oreos and a glass of milk,… read more
So then…I pick up my office phone in hopes that I can get some work done today. It seems everyone I call this afternoon is distracted by a meeting just… read more
So then…he raises his voice above the din and announces, “All right, no more trash talkin’ – it’s the moment of truth. Girls – 9; Guys – 9.” Andy raises… read more
So then…I swoop down the hill on my bike, zipping through the bike path at Mason Park, and just as I gracefully glide around a massive oak tree, I see… read more
So then…she peeks outside the curtain of the dressing room and whispers excitedly, “Is she back yet?” Chloe is literally giddy with joy. She is being fitted for her first… read more
So then…I hear the sirens and instinctively, I know it’s me. Of course it’s me. And on my 32nd birthday, no less! I pull over to the side of the… read more
So then…she offers me a tray of hors d'oeuvres – little warm puff pastries of cheesy-mushroom goodness. I pop a puff and say, “Wow – what a great Christmas party,… read more
So then…she politely avoids eye contact as she grabs my left breast and plops it on the plate. She yanks my left arm almost out of its socket and drapes… read more
So then…I cast a furtive glance at my young kids, hoping the dealer doesn’t spot them, as I place my chips on number 13 on the roulette table. Children are… read more
So then…he looks me over and asks, “Have you had sexual relations with anyone with yellow jaundice or viral hepatitis?” And I think, Omigod, do I look like someone who’s… read more
So then…I fake a ghastly gastro-intestinal malady to exit work early, grab a cab to my apartment, and throw together a couple ensembles appropriate for the flash and dazzle of… read more
So then…Carol and I exit the movies and agree that the Tex-Mex place across the street will be perfect for dinner and mojitos. But it’s a long block, so instead… read more
So then…he passes the sweet potatoes to me at the same time she slides the stuffing my way. I’m delighted to be deluged with delectable dishes. With my work schedule,… read more
So then…the server drops off our drinks and hands us the most impossibly long menus I’ve ever seen. Each menu is one extremely tall sheet made of beautiful parchment paper… read more
So then…the doorbell rings and I freeze. He’s here. The exterminator -- the pest control guy -- the man who will either give me the “all clear” – or notify… read more
So then…I try to gently, but urgently, stuff the four brand new dresses into my suitcase, but it.will.not.zip. (Mama says that proper ladies don’t sweat -- they glisten. Well, I… read more
So then…the alarm rings for the third time in my Manhattan apartment, indicating I’m very late for work, so I lurch out of bed and scurry to the shower in… read more
So then…he folds his skinny little arms over the covers, juts out his chin, and says, “But, Mom, I can’t make it 4 days without TV!” I stifle a smile… read more
So then...she hugs me close, exclaims, “I had a great time seeing you!” -- steps back to look at me -- then looks up, down, left, right and declares, “You… read more
So then…she shrieks, “The fly! The fly is on my food!” At age 5, Chloe is absolutely terrified of this fly that’s been menacing her for the past hour. I’m… read more
So then…I write my first post on my brand new website, sothenstories.com. But why? Mainly because of conversations like this that I’ve been having for the last kabillion years: When… read more
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Darcy Perdu shares her escapades, encounters, and blunders – and invites you to do the same!
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