Story Archives

Enjoy my hilarious humiliations, amusing anecdotes, and bodacious blunders by clicking a story below – then post a comment or related story from your own life – and read those of others!  This way, we’re all sharing the funny, one true story at a time!  Please pop your email address in here so you receive new funny posts twice a week!
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Darcy Perdu shares her escapades, encounters, and blunders – and invites you to do the same!

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F Elf on the Shelf
So then…I wake up at 3 am to the sound of click-clacking. I pop downstairs, peer round the corner, and see two tiny red felt feet scurry out of sight.… read more
F In Case of Fire
So then…the news article clearly states that, in case of emergency, we should flee the house ONLY with our humans and pets – NO material possessions. Oh, sure, that sounds… read more
F Lasagna
So then…I’m literally so excited about this lasagna I’m making, I text a photo to show the family how amazing dinner’s going to be! LOOK! Warm and delicious homemade food!… read more
F 5 Stages of Shopping
So then...I shout, "No! NO, Christmas, ya ain't gonna get me this time!" I shall plan.  I shall prepare.  I shall make lists and check them twice! I shall start… read more
F Raising My Daughter to be a Stripper
So then…I click the blinker, just as my daughter Chloe, age 15, says, “You remember how you taught me to shave my legs – the calves and thighs?” I turn… read more
F Insulting the Neighbor Who Saved My Ass
So then…I panic. I’m 3000 miles from home, helping my sister pack my Mom’s stuff to move to a new place in Florida – on the same day my daughter… read more
F What Chinese
So then…I read a ridiculous email from an exasperating client on my Iphone. I audibly sigh and roll my eyes – at the precise moment I’m passing the hallway mirror… read more
F He Whispers
So then…Bessie attempts a tumble -- stumbles, sputters, gasps, then dies. I drape my body across my dryer and murmur, “Oh Bessie, why hast thou forsaken me?” Time of death:… read more
F Boyfriends & Things That Go Bump in the Night
So then…I shout, “Fine!” And then he shouts, “FINE!” -- slams the door, gets in his car, and drives to work. I seethe. We’re in the middle of a big… read more
F Huge Surprise When I Opened My Baby Book
So then…I see the package on my front step and jump with excitement! My older sister Dawn’s helping our Mom clean out her attic, so she’s mailing my Baby Book… read more
F Is My Coworker a Robot
So then…Lou (our Finance VP), Henry (our Operations VP), and I approach the gate just in time to hear that our connecting flight home is delayed 30 minutes. My face… read more
Am I paranoid? Or is this guy totally messin' with me? #funny #tutor #homework #humor
So then…my son Tucker slips through the dining room door into the kitchen and whispers, “Mom, I think the tutor’s asleep.” I look up from the crockpot and whisper, “What?”… read more
F You're Gonna SNURKLE
So then…I snurkle – which, as everyone knows, is a cross between a snort and a chuckle. When you see why, I think you’ll snurkle too. I send this email… read more
F Chillin' with Martin Short
So then…we hustle inside the Paley Center in Beverly Hills for a private screening of two new fall TV shows. “Wow! Are you that well-connected in Hollywood?” Uh, no. I… read more
F When the Toddler Rats Out the Nanny
So then…David parks the minivan in the carnival parking lot, removes the key from the ignition, and pops the trunk. I unbuckle our son Tucker, age 2 and a half,… read more
F Jen Mann
So then…I’m just sittin' here, chillin’ with Jen Mann (writer of the uber-popular blog People I Want to Punch in the Throat and best-selling author with over 600,000 devoted fans… read more
F Vegas
So then…I pull my kid out of school for a couple days and hop a flight to Vegas for a concert of her favorite band. Yep, I’m that kind of… read more
F Well THAT'S a little personal
So then…he looks me over and asks, “Have you had sexual relations with anyone with yellow jaundice or viral hepatitis?” And I think, Omigod, do I look like someone who’s… read more
F Most Brilliant Craft
So then…I dart around the craft table, setting out supplies in a wild-eyed frenzy. It’s Group Playdate Prep Time -- and I’m a whirling dervish setting up the kids’ activity… read more
A Triple Darcy 10.9.13 Confused Happy Surprised Purple 429
Hey, pull up a bar stool and let's swap funny stories about our embarrassing kids, exasperating coworkers, vexing relationships, and the ever-perplexing public!  This is where I share my bodacious… read more
F Scale
So then…I open an email from one of the staff, Shelly, asking if she can purchase an item on the company credit card. I click the link and see this:… read more
F Shock, Awe and Outrage (all yellow)
So then…I grab a seat, wedging myself between two other passengers on the subway car, as we barrel toward midtown Manhattan. It’s not too crowded, so everyone has a seat… read more
F Oh - the sunglasses on my boobs
So then…I’m standing there, minding my own business, slaving over an impressive gourmet dinner (aka checking the crockpot) – when my tween daughter Chloe enters and asks, “Would you rather… read more
F Embarrassing & Funny Thing My Mom Made Me Ask the Nun
So then… she says “Absolutely not,” with an air of such finality, it would stop Attila the Hun in his tracks. Because when my Mom says, “no,” she means “NOOOO!”… read more
F When the Popular Chick
So then… I glance nervously at my watch as this bathroom line of high school girls inches its way slowly toward the stalls. Our Marching Squad Captain only gave us… read more
F Did This Dad Make a Playdate Faux Pas
So then…I plop on the hotel bed, moving my files over so I can chat with my 9-year-old daughter Chloe back home. Me: I’m so happy I’m almost done with… read more
F Funniest Way to Get Out of a Ticket
So then…I wince and mutter some expletives, as the sirens wail and the lights flash. I pull over. Busted for speeding. Dammit, I’m going to be late for work at… read more
F Justin Bieber Forbids Me to Do WHAT
So then…we head to the bar to slake our thirst. And thanks to the brutal Vegas heat, we’re truly in need of genuine hydration – so we buy 4 bottles… read more
F Hilarious Reason
So then…my friend Lily spears a shrimp from her salad and says ruefully, “My husband’s mad at me.” My head snaps up from my pasta dish, my brow furrowed. “Why?”… read more
F How to Make Friends at a Lady Gaga Concert
So then…I hop a flight to Vegas for the Lady Gaga ART POP Ball – ‘cuz that’s how I roll. Actually, that’s how my niece rolls! And since she wanted… read more
F Hungover in WHOSE Heels
So then…just as I settle in to sip my soda and peruse my academic journal (People Magazine) at 20,000 feet -- I hear the passenger behind me ask the flight… read more
F What's So Damn Funny 2
So then…you ask, “What’s so damn funny?” Apparently me! WooHoo! I just won 1st Place in the National Society of Newspaper Columnists competition for the Category: Online, Blog & Multimedia… read more
Funniest Hotel Conversation Ever
So then…I strain to see outside my car window as I’m zipping home, searching for a nice hotel in the neighborhood to recommend to my friend Natalie when she visits… read more
Surprising Secret My Boss Revealed One Night
So then…our boss Kate packs some files in her bag and says, “Hey, are you free for drinks after work tomorrow? I want to talk to you guys about something.”… read more
F Look, I'm Not SAYING She's an Airhead
So then…I hear our office manager clip-clopping down the hallway with the newest receptionist to introduce her around to the staff. I roll my eyes because history has proven that… read more
The Secret the Nun Told Me
So then…I perk up as soon as I hear the opening notes of my favorite song. I immediately stop fidgeting with my blue plaid Catholic school uniform. I grin widely.… read more
F Winning Humor Award
So then…I win another Humor Award! What the what what?! Yep, I entered the BlogHer competition in 2013 and 2014 – and I won a Humor VOTY both times! So… read more
F When The Entertainer Invites You
So then…the comedian announces, “For this next bit, I need a young lady to join me on stage – who will volunteer?” The audience in this dark little New York… read more
F Be Very Careful What You Ask Your Teen Daughter
So then…I take a bite of Pralines & Cream at our little neighborhood Baskin-Robbins shop and ask my daughter Chloe, age 13, “So what do you think I should cook… read more
F Hooters
So then…I pop another chocolate at work and pause mid-contract when it hits me: “Oh, shizznit! Did I forget to RSVP to lunch tomorrow with my friend Lindsey?” I dash… read more
F Smackdown
So then…we shriek with laughter, pounding our fists on the table, slapping our thighs – with tears rolling down our faces. The diners at the tables near us turn to… read more
F My Coworker's Compliment MIGHT Be Back-Handed
So then…I push open the doors to the hotel pool and see that some of my co-workers also took our boss’ advice to relax a bit before we need to… read more
F He Disagrees But I Insist, So Hilarious Disaster Follows
READ the story below -- or click Green Arrow below to HEAR the story! So then…he snorts. “The ‘Park After Dark?’ That doesn’t make any sense,” says my husband David,… read more
F Completely Embarrassed at the Doctor's Office
So then…my daughter Chloe, age 14, and I enter the lush plush offices of Dr. Blake, dermatologist extraordinaire, with some trepidation. Oh, don’t get me wrong – I LOVE Dr.… read more
F Please Mamas Stay Off the Pole
So then…I smile when I open the colorful invitation to the Hawaiian Luau-themed Mother-Son Dance at the elementary school – but I do a double-take when I see the large… read more
F Facepalm
So then…I round the corner of our uber-plush offices on my way to a staff meeting, still pinching myself that I made it all the way from down-home Louisiana to… read more
F How to Mishandle an HR Situation
So then…I clutch the phone tightly, heart hammering, as the HR person utters those words I’ve been desperately yearning to hear: “We’d like to offer you a job when you… read more
F Suspicious Laptop Behavior
So then…a friend mentions she'd missed this true story the first time around since it was posted when the blog first started -- and that she was dying laughing, so I figure… read more
F Shut That Shit Down
So then…I gratefully grab a seat in a tiny chair in the 1st grade classroom, along with three other Moms who also missed last night’s Back-to-School event. The teacher, Mrs.… read more
F Teacher's Most Creative
So then…I accidentally overhear my daughter and her pals talking about a school incident. Now I don’t mind freely admitting that I frequently and deliberately eavesdrop on my kids –… read more
F How Cool My DAUGHTER Thinks I Am
So then…my grinning tween daughter Chloe says, “Oh, Mom, you’re so aDORable!” (a bit patronizingly, if you ask me) “What? I am not!” I say. “I’m a ‘hip, cool, with… read more
F Matt Damon Bugs Me
So then…I ask my teen daughter Chloe if she heard that one of her favorite actors proposed to his costar. Chloe says, “WHAT?! How did I not know that? Am… read more
F Overheard in the Oscar
If you enjoyed what I "overheard" in the Oscar Loser Lounge, then you'll definitely like: YIKES! Just Found a "Weed" in My Lady Garden! Telling His Teacher A Big Fat… read more
F Communion
So then…I tap my car blinker, round a corner, and catch Chloe’s eye in the rear-view mirror. “What’s wrong, honey? You look worried,” I say to my 6-year-old daughter. My… read more
F Deciphering Last Night's Drunken Deeds
So then…I fumble for the washcloth through bleary eyes. My head’s throbbing as I soap up my arm, my chest, my breast – hey, what is this? What’s this big… read more
F When Divorced Parents Try to Top Each Other
So then…my friend Lila thrusts a glass of wine in my hand and pulls me over to a couple who are sampling appetizers in her living room. Ever the fabulous… read more
F I Don't Mean to be All Judgy
So then…the kindergarteners sing the last note of “You Are My Sunshine” and the classroom erupts with applause from the parents sitting on little chairs in the back. The teacher… read more
F My Tween - Freshman 15
So then…she pops a Parmesan Bread Bite in her mouth and says, “I’m so mad!” I pop a couple Bites myself and ask, “Why?” “Well,” says my tween daughter Chloe,… read more
F Just How Neighborly
So then…I clamber down from the kitchen stool and dejectedly place the flour and sugar on the counter. “What’s wrong?” asks my little sister, Della, age 7. I sigh with… read more
F Dead Hookers
So then…I notice the guy in front of me keeps turning around to stare at me. Normally I don’t shy away from “unwanted male attention” – (in fact, I consider… read more
F Ode to Teacher's Thinking Chair
So then…I rustle through some files looking for a document, when I stumble upon a note that I wrote to my son’s pre-school teacher back when Tucker was an "energetic"… read more
F Ravenous Businessmen and the Lone Sushi
So then…he raises his chopsticks to pluck sushi from the tray in the center of the conference table, but then realizes -- it is the very last piece of sushi.… read more
F I'm Possessed
So then…the lovely and talented writer Kathy Radigan at My Dishwasher’s Possessed interviews me! An INTERVIEW?  I’m all atwitter! Flustered and flummoxed! It’s my moment to shine! I’m ready for… read more
F Caught in the Act
So then…I slooowly slide a cigarette out of the pack in the drawer, careful not to make any noise that might alert my brothers or sisters or parents to my… read more
F Oh, Don't Think I WON'T! 2
So then…we come barreling down the hall just as the gate agent is about to close the gangway door. “Wait! Wait! Can we get on this flight?!” I shout. My… read more
F Best-Worst Advice for the College Bound
So then…my funny, smart, gorgeous niece with long flowing blonde hair zips upstairs. I turn to my sister Della and say, “I can’t believe she’s going off to college next… read more
F Now That's a Breach in Security
So then…I scoop more corn on their plates and triumphantly finish my lecture about online safety with this reassuring conclusion, “So remember, NEVER EVER share ANY personal information online, no… read more
F Falling Off the Wagon
So then…a tiny window of time pops up during my role as Chauffeur to the World’s Youngest Passengers Who Never Tip, Sometimes Fart, and Always Giggle. I have an hour… read more
Inappropriate Holiday Party Behavior
So then...I bound off to celebrate the holidays with eggnog copious amounts of wine, chestnuts s'mores roasting over an open fire, cherubic children surly teens, and a big fat man… read more
F Embarrassing Mom Fail at the Book Club Meeting
So then…I say sweetly into the phone, “Of course, no problem, Ashley -- I completely understand.” I hang up and scowl at the phone. (No, I do not understand, Ashley.… read more
F Who Says It's Christmas Bribery
So then…he pours another glass of wine and asks, “Did everyone else get the anti-Christmas letter from Wal-Mart?” We look up from our rubber-chicken dinners at this industry event --… read more
F SERIOUSLY, Playdate Mama
So then…I toss a couple toys behind the couch and shove the countertop contents into the junk drawer, just as the doorbell rings. “They’re here! They’re here!” I shout, racing… read more
F Bring Cash, Tell No One, Be Cool
So then…he whispers into the phone, “I’ll bring the package to you, but you must bring cash.” “OK, OK,” I say. “But dude, why are you whispering?” Pause. “I don’t… read more
F Calling All Smug Tweens
So then…I plop on the sofa, nearly toppling 3 tweens in the process, as I balance my plate of delectable desserts from the buffet table. I toss a couple Lemon… read more
F That Dirty Little Traitor
So then…she gently adjusts my bib and slowly reclines the plush leather chair, so I can more easily see the ceiling-mounted TV. Tina, the new hygienist, hands me the remote… read more
F Stalking a 20 Foot Tall Turkey
So then...we fly cross-country in search of a 20-Foot Tall Turkey, gigantic Shrek, and enormous SpongeBob.  That's right -- we're in New York City for Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, Broadway… read more
F She Did NOT Just Say That
So then…Janice, the Cast Mom for the 8th Grade production of “Annie,” asks for volunteers to work the 4 show nights – snack bar, ticket takers, and congratulations telegrams. But… read more
F What the Hell Just Hit Me
So then…the music soars to a crescendo as the actors scurry about the Broadway stage -- which my boyfriend and I can see perfectly from our fantastic theatre seats. Just… read more
F Meet Me at the DMV -- Naked
So then…my friend Gina invites me to join her and our mutual pal Lindsey for lunch. It’s important to know that Gina's email is sent to us on February 18,… read more
F Super Bad More Like Super Mad
So then…I shout, “Fine!” And then he shouts, “FINE!” -- slams the door, gets in his car, and drives to work. I seethe. We’re in the middle of a big… read more
It's My Birthday Gift Cards
So then…I announce the winners of the Blog Birthday Giveaway of $400 in Gift Cards! Chloe and Tucker are excited to pick the random winners, but truth be told, I’m… read more
F It's My Birthday Mary 10.23.13
So then...I find out that on your blog’s 1st birthday, custom dictates you’re supposed to GIVE gifts – instead of RECEIVE gifts! WTF? That’s crazy! But -- always one to… read more
F That Lying Little
So then…my husband’s navigational system says: “Turn left here.” David looks at me smugly and smiles, proudly heeding the advice of his new car as he turns left with a… read more
F Ya'll Don't Come Back
So then…she stomps into the backyard with her son Jeremy and demands, “Is this a drop-off party?” I glance at my 6-year-old birthday boy Tucker cavorting with his friends on… read more
F Slipping Stockings
So then…I pop open my suitcase to pull out my special outfit for the big client presentation on my four-day whirlwind trip to Hong Kong. I need to look my… read more
Funny - F Doctor
So then…she opens the door ever-so-slightly, revealing a shaft of glowing light that hints at the promise of miraculous cures that lie within. Everyone stares at her expectantly. She glances… read more
Funny - Your Noisy Work is Bothering Me
So then…I complain to my friends, in a completely loving way, of course, that my husband simply sits in the family room watching TV while I clean the kitchen. “I’m… read more
F Who's Calling the Shots
So then… my friends start passing their homemade dishes to the dozen of us guests assembled around their dinner table. When I turn to the 2-and-a-half-year-old seated on my right… read more
F I Shall Staple
So then…I check the emails from the other school parents to see who’s sending in money for the upcoming 7th grade class party we Room Parents are organizing, and I… read more
Funny Vagina Awards Blue Rinse
So then…I come face-to-face with my own mortality. (Well, face-to-"face" might be a misnomer. It's more like face-to-  um...hmm…well...here's the visual): I'm fresh from the shower, naked in all my… read more
Funny - Wild Abandon
So then…my neighbor Denise emails me to check on available space for her mahjong (maj) game at the community center in our neighborhood. Our center has lovely, decorated rooms with… read more
Funny - When Your Outrage Dissolves
So then…I dial again -- gritting my teeth; furrowing my brow; panting in short, sharp breaths. No, not preparing for an obscene phone call. Just trying to reach my bank.… read more
F Trying to Save Face
So then…he asks me a question and 10 eyeballs stare straight at me – all 5 executives wait intently for my answer. Now normally, I LOVE to be the center… read more
Funny - Telling His Teacher
So then…I open an email from Tucker’s 6th grade teacher that says: “Tucker did not have his homework today; he told me this was because there was a termite infestation… read more
F The Pilot I Almost Ejected
So then…I enter the airplane with trepidation. I quickly glance at my preferred seating section by the emergency exit, but all those seats are taken! My heart speeds up a… read more
Funny - Hairy Hair-Raising Humiliation
So then…my 9-year-old daughter Chloe lets loose a shriek so piercing, it could wake the dead two towns over. She thrashes about, SCREAMING and WAILING. And all because of me.… read more
Funny - Awkward Moment
So then…we head off to see the psychiatrist because… well… because we live in CALIFORNIA – and as soon as you move to this state, you’re automatically issued a shrink,… read more
Funny - Darcy Surprised
So then…she presses her pudgy little hands on either side of my face and smushes it together, bringing her little nose directly to mine, and says, “Mommy, SERIOUSLY, Mrs. Trent… read more
Funny - Communion
So then…Dani Ryan from Cloudy with a Chance of Wine invites me to write a guest post for her series called Priceless Mom Moments – which must mean she thinks… read more
Secret Accomplishment - No Photo Allowed
READ the story below -- or click the Play button to HEAR it! So then…I poop a Q. An amazing, perfectly-shaped Q. It is truly a remarkable thing to behold,… read more
Funny - He Has All the Social Grace of a Rhinoceros
So then…I drive Tucker home from school, just as he receives a text from a classmate. “Sienna invited me to a swimming party at her house on Saturday.” “Oh, that… read more
Funny - Snubbed by a Hose Holder
So then…my tween daughter Chloe and I pedal our bikes around a corner, exploring more new streets in our neighborhood. In the distance, in the front yard of a brown… read more
Funny - Is She Hitting on Me Stairs
So then…my friend Lindsey follows me upstairs to my bedroom. (Oh, git yer mind out da gutter! It ain’t THAT kinda story!) I want to show her the 8 giant… read more
Most Unlikely Culprit in this Mystifying Mystery
So then…I try to gently, but urgently, stuff the four brand new dresses into my suitcase, but it.will.not.zip. (Mama says that proper ladies don’t sweat -- they glisten. Well, I… read more
Tucker at Fridge
So then…he slings his backpack on the counter and pops open the fridge for a snack. “How was the first day of 10th grade?” I ask. A muffled “fine” floats… read more
Funny - Chloe in Panic
So then…my daughter Chloe clutches her tummy, writhes about in bed, and complains about a stomach ache AGAIN. 1st Diagnosis: This is probably her wily way of prolonging snuggle time.… read more
Funny - Darcy Confused
So then…my boss says those four words that signal I have officially arrived in The Corporate World -- even though I am only 23 years old: “You can hire staff.”… read more
Funny - Meth Cat Sketch
So then… the plane shudders and moans – and my stomach flops and churns. I’m usually a pretty calm traveler – but the plane makes a SUDDEN and SHOCKING DROP!… read more
Funny - Murderers Trying to Break into My House
So then…I cock my head and freeze. Is someone outside? Is someone OUTSIDE the house trying to get INSIDE? My heart is pounding. I will my ears to hear…harder! It’s… read more
Funny - Seriously - Have You MET Me
So then…I open an email from one of my older relatives, a sweet Southern woman, who is sharing a video clip with her friends and family. The video shows that… read more
F A Mother Always Knows
Examples of School Pics from Around the Country So then…I slide some of the framed 8” x 10” school photos of my kids aside, so I can reach the book… read more
Drunken Tumbles
So then…I watch intoxicated women fall in the most spectacular fashion. Wineglasses and beer bottles go flying, high heels teeter, skirts fly -- women of all shapes and ages go… read more
My Daughter & The Fiery Pits of Hell
So then…Chloe, age 9, tiptoes into my home office, stands before me, twisting her hands into pretzels. She can see that I’m answering work emails -- and certainly the frenzied… read more
Funny - That's Not A Threat
So then…I peek through the Church door with excitement as I prepare for my Grand Entrance. Our friends and family have gathered from round the globe to witness our wedding.… read more
They Do WHAT on Page 6 P
So then…I set up camp on a lounge chair on the glorious pool deck on the roof of my downtown hotel. We’re so high up, you can’t even hear the… read more
Funny - My Biggest Fear About BlogHer
So then…panic grips me. It completely devours the excitement I'd been feeling about attending my first BlogHer conference with 5,000 other bloggers in Chicago later this week. My BIGGEST FEAR… read more
Random Roving Psychic You Need To ___ (Shelly 7.16.13)
So then…my son Tucker toots and the minivan becomes rather unpleasantly aromatic. He grins and says with relief, “Oh, man, I’ve been holding that in at school all day!” We continue… read more
F Making a Bodacious Blunder
So then…she starts rattling off all the things we need to do on the day of the big benefit, so I scribble notes as quickly as I can. This is… read more
Funny F What the Hell
So then…David and I eat breakfast at the kitchen table. David: Did you see that detective show the other day? Me: The one with the red lamp? David: Yeah. Me:… read more
My Daughter, the Italian Truck Driver Young Crop
So then…I confirm I’m available for dinner with the other three Margarita Mamas a week from Tuesday, but I add a P.S. to the email, directed to one of the… read more
F Boobalicious New
So then…I gasp. And gape. And gawk. And giggle. I am literally in shock as I see the images that pop up when searching “Why Middle-Aged Women Shouldn’t Be Allowed… read more
F Honestly Control Yourself
So then…I hear the guy sitting next to me say to his companions, “Did you see Trey at the club last night? What the hell was on his neck?” I… read more
F I Won A Freaking Award
So then…I scream, “HOT DAMN & HALLELUJAH!  I WON!  I WON!” I dance a little jig -- my goofy grin beaming. I am so excited!  Blogher just announced the Voices… read more
How To Get Your Freak On
So then…I totally crack up. My friend Mindy, whose husband produces TV commercials, sends this genuine email to me and a bunch of her friends to request something for her… read more
How Facebook Helped Me Dodge a Bullet - 3 Bullets
So then…my sister Della urges me for the 52nd time to look up people from the past on Facebook so I can catch up with all my old friends from… read more
Influence Vampire Eric Allie
So then…he takes a bite of a fresh-baked cookie and says with a sigh, “I’m probably so tired today because I’m an insomniac.” He’s 11. I stop scooping dough onto… read more
And You Are - Image
So then…I answer the phone with a cheerful hello, and I hear my 5-year-old daughter’s voice saying, “Hi Mom, it’s me, Chloe, your daughter.” I laugh at her thorough manner… read more
Harvard Tennis Player
So then…my neighbor Dan asks me to send an email to our neighbors to see if anyone would like to host a recent college grad at their home next week.… read more
Poodle Skirt
So then…my friend Mindy sends me and her other pals an email asking if any of us have an outfit that her young daughter Amanda can wear to a school… read more
Human Head Louis Vuitton Bag
So then…I click on the headline, “Human Head Found in Bag,” because -- seriously, how could you not? The Los Angeles Times online article says: “The human head, housed inside… read more
Bathtub Featured
So then…she puts her foot down – literally…and loudly. Loudly because the foot is encased in a cast, thanks to the fracture Chloe sustained at her 6th Grade Field Day.… read more
Men swimsuits
So then…I find the PERFECT Father’s Day Gift. A Colorful “C*ck Sock!” When my friend posts the above image on her Facebook page to playfully suggest these swimsuits for her… read more
Young Darcy Panic 5.25.13
So then…I open my backpack and untangle my jump rope from my friendship bracelets so I can reach my math workbook. In the kitchen, I grab two chocolate Ding Dongs… read more
F I'm Sorry -- Who Planted
So then…he says, “Listen, I have bad news.” “What kind of bad news, Sam?” I ask the broker on the phone. “Your client’s scheduled to move into one of our… read more
Betrayed By My Family
So then…I smile that “oh-I’m-so-happy-to-be-here-but-secretly-I’m-dying-inside” smile at my sister’s family as I settle down into the metal folding chair for my nephew Brian’s graduation ceremony from a large Florida university.… read more
Funny - Communion
So then…the little 2nd-graders march respectfully up the aisle and step up to surround the altar. They turn to face the congregation and we all smile at the girls in… read more
What the Truck Crop
So then…I walk out of the store to my car -- and I see an advertising flyer stuck under my windshield wiper. I hate those. I don’t want it in… read more
Funny - International
So then…she nibbles the coconut-walnut brownie I baked and comments on how nicely Tucker and her son Andrew, both age 11, are playing basketball in our backyard. I beam because… read more
Parade Vagina
So then…my sister (who lives up north) and I try to find a week during the summer for us to get together with our kids. Here is our email exchange,… read more
Stone House Crop 5.16.13 Stefano Marchio
So then…Chloe gleefully slathers the glue all over the “roof” of the cardboard box, while her 5th grade classmate Hailey meticulously presses small stones and rocks into the glue. The… read more
Playdate 31 Flavors
So then…they stop squealing and giggling long enough for me to ask, “Would you like to eat at home or go out to lunch?” Chloe and her first-grade classmate Penny… read more
F Just Another Tame Night Out with the Girls
So then…I mock the other moms (aka the “Margarita Mamas”) for bailing so early after dining at a local restaurant. “It’s only 8:30! It’s too early to go home to… read more
Mother's Day Cake Pans
So then…I give big hugs and kisses to Tucker, 7, and Chloe, 4, for their homemade Mother’s Day gifts and thank them for the gorgeous flowers in the vase next… read more
Dime and Juice Box
So then…Chloe, age 3, and Tucker, age 6, are dancing around the living room, singing at the top of their lungs: “I LOVE ROCK N ROLL! Put another dime in… read more
F Worst Carpool Ever
So then…the mom on the phone says that she saw our name on the “Interested in Carpooling List” for the middle school. “Yes,” I confirm. “We’d love to carpool, but… read more
F We've Been Robbed
So then…his hand shoots up and the neighborhood HOA president calls on him. My husband David stands up at the homeowners meeting and announces: “We've been robbed!” Two gasps and… read more
Fire-1-300x200
So then…I try to focus on the comments of the fire officer about the project site plan on the counter between us – but instead, I am staring at the… read more
F His Flippant Words May Come Back to Haunt Him
So then…I wave the papers in my husband’s direction and say, “The lawyer wants us to answer some questions before we meet with him to fill out the living wills.”… read more
Funny - Darcy Happy Featured
So then…she unpacks her backpack on the kitchen table and begins prattling about her school day. “So Mom, you know Mrs. Reed?” “Yep – 5th grade English, right?” I say… read more
F Funny Design Tips
So then…she curls her lip almost imperceptibly as she examines the heavy brocade drapes on my living room windows. As she lifts the thick fabric, dust motes fly up into… read more
F How His Gift Ended Up
So then…I open the freezer and see dead fish. Lots of dead fish. Not the delicious kind that you cook for supper like salmon or swordfish. No, these are dead… read more
F What to Say When Your Son
So then…Tucker slides down the playground slide and lands with a satisfactory thud in the dirt. He beams and scrambles up the ladder to repeat the rush of the freefall.… read more
Funny Triple Darcy
So then…I cradle the kitchen phone between ear and shoulder so I can spoon the whipped cream into the cream cheese, as the store clerk says he’s not sure if… read more
F New Nanny's Surprising No-No
So then…we finish chatting about our children, and the talk turns to nannies. My friends and I are grateful to have help with our tiny tots and household chores while… read more
Funny Triple Darcy
So then…I adjust the shoulder strap of my leather briefcase. I’m taking an empty elevator back to my 28th floor hotel room after my business meeting on a sunny afternoon… read more
Funny - Confused Featured
So then…she says “huh” and looks a bit perplexed. We’re sitting on the couch, surrounded by big comfortable cushions. We’ve just concluded “the talk.” My daughter is young still, so this… read more
Funny Double Darcy
So then…I stop at the light, yelp at a piercing pain in my leg, then feel my car gently bump the car in front of it. It’s just a tap… read more
F The One Thing Disneyland Insists You Do Not Bring To Their Park
READ the story - or HEAR it by clicking the Play Button! So then…I scroll through the FAQ on the Disneyland website to prep for our upcoming trip. I notice… read more
F Hey You Can't Expense That
So then… she utters those words that strike fear into every travelling businessperson: “I need to talk to you about your expense statement.” My heart races just a bit –… read more
Funny - Confused Featured
So then…she says, “He’s a very bright boy.” I beam. She says, “And so creative!” I glow. “And I’m so impressed that he's only 7 and he types his spelling homework!… read more
Party Doomsayer
So then…she asks, “Do you have a lifeguard on duty?” I look at my backyard. All the kids are on the sport court or grass. The pool cover is pulled… read more
F My Red Lace Panties on Her Head
So then…she says, “Maybe black lace? Or something colorful? Purple?” “I don’t know – maybe,” I respond. “But I do need a whole new wardrobe of unmentionables. It’s been so… read more
Funny - Oh Deer
So then…my neighbor sends me this photo she took of interlopers on my front lawn. I respond, “How beautiful! We saw these deer the other night too. How cool that they… read more
Funny - Confused Featured
So then…the server sets down the second round of drinks. As we toast Girls’ Night Out as carefree ladies for a whole evening, unencumbered by husbands and kids, it’s only… read more
F Complete Invasion of Privacy
So then…I answer the phone and a voice says, “Do you have a trampoline in your backyard?” Actually, I do. But now that someone’s asking, I’m suddenly, inexplicably nervous about… read more
F The Snap Heard 'Round the World
So then…he says, “How about sushi?” and I respond enthusiastically, “Sure!” – because how could I not? He’s the interviewer and I’m the interviewee. Even though I’m 25 and live… read more
F I'd Be a Better Mother If I Had 6 Kids
So then…he teeters toward the step down into the living room and I lunge for his little toddler legs in case he tips. He doesn’t. He waddles over toward his… read more
Funny Double Darcy
So then…I open the mailbox and find a little pillow – too big for a doll, but too small for a child. It is tye-dyed in dark swirly colors. It… read more
Funny - Darcy Happy Featured
So then…I kick the dishwasher. And the dishwasher is singularly unimpressed. So I hop online and send an email to some of my friends in the neighborhood: Dear Neighbors: Did… read more
Funny - Confused Featured
So then…I forage in the pantry for a mid-afternoon pick-me-up – chocolate being my addiction of choice. I score a handful of White Chocolate-Covered Oreos and a glass of milk,… read more
F What is Mark hiding Why do you ask
So then…I pick up my office phone in hopes that I can get some work done today. It seems everyone I call this afternoon is distracted by a meeting just… read more
F Porno Pictionary - The Funniest Difference
So then…he raises his voice above the din and announces, “All right, no more trash talkin’ – it’s the moment of truth. Girls – 9; Guys – 9.” Andy raises… read more
Funny - Happy Featured
So then…I swoop down the hill on my bike, zipping through the bike path at Mason Park, and just as I gracefully glide around a massive oak tree, I see… read more
Funny Triple Darcy
So then…she peeks outside the curtain of the dressing room and whispers excitedly, “Is she back yet?” Chloe is literally giddy with joy. She is being fitted for her first… read more
F Cop Flat Out Refuses My Offer
So then…I hear the sirens and instinctively, I know it’s me. Of course it’s me. And on my 32nd birthday, no less! I pull over to the side of the… read more
F Larceny at the Christmas Party
So then…she offers me a tray of hors d'oeuvres – little warm puff pastries of cheesy-mushroom goodness. I pop a puff and say, “Wow – what a great Christmas party,… read more
F Boobie-Trapped
So then…she politely avoids eye contact as she grabs my left breast and plops it on the plate. She yanks my left arm almost out of its socket and drapes… read more
When Parenting Lessons Go Wildly Awry
So then…I cast a furtive glance at my young kids, hoping the dealer doesn’t spot them, as I place my chips on number 13 on the roulette table. Children are… read more
F Well, THAT'S a Little Personal!
So then…he looks me over and asks, “Have you had sexual relations with anyone with yellow jaundice or viral hepatitis?” And I think, Omigod, do I look like someone who’s… read more
Funny Madcapping
So then…I fake a ghastly gastro-intestinal malady to exit work early, grab a cab to my apartment, and throw together a couple ensembles appropriate for the flash and dazzle of… read more
F Funny Run-In with Cops
So then…Carol and I exit the movies and agree that the Tex-Mex place across the street will be perfect for dinner and mojitos. But it’s a long block, so instead… read more
F Our Hostess Turned Bright Red
So then…he passes the sweet potatoes to me at the same time she slides the stuffing my way. I’m delighted to be deluged with delectable dishes. With my work schedule,… read more
Funny Triple Darcy
So then…the server drops off our drinks and hands us the most impossibly long menus I’ve ever seen. Each menu is one extremely tall sheet made of beautiful parchment paper… read more
F Mister Please Mouth Photo
So then…the doorbell rings and I freeze. He’s here. The exterminator -- the pest control guy -- the man who will either give me the “all clear” – or notify… read more
F Naked Stranger in my Shower!
So then…the alarm rings for the third time in my Manhattan apartment, indicating I’m very late for work, so I lurch out of bed and scurry to the shower in… read more
F Don't Do The Crime, If You Can't Do The Time, Kid
So then…he folds his skinny little arms over the covers, juts out his chin, and says, “But, Mom, I can’t make it 4 days without TV!” I stifle a smile… read more
F Funny Design Advice from Unlikely Source
So then...she hugs me close, exclaims, “I had a great time seeing you!” -- steps back to look at me -- then looks up, down, left, right and declares, “You… read more
Funny - Chloe in Panic
So then…she shrieks, “The fly! The fly is on my food!” At age 5, Chloe is absolutely terrified of a fly that’s been menacing her for the past hour. I’m… read more
Funny Triple Darcy
So then…I write my first post on my brand new website, sothenstories.com. But why? Mainly because of conversations like this that I’ve been having for the last kabillion years: When… read more
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