Stalking a 20-Foot Tall Turkey

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So then…we fly cross-country in search of a 20-Foot Tall Turkey, gigantic Shrek, and enormous SpongeBob.  That’s right — we’re in New York City for Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, Broadway Shows, and hugs and giggles with relatives!

(Yes, Burglars, we DO have people house-sitting our California home while we’re away.  And yes, they ARE heavily-armed.  Mostly with turkey legs — but still — armed nonetheless.  So don’t even think about robbing our house.  We took all the cash and jewelry with us anyway.  All 12 bucks and the faux ruby ring.)

So this week, I’d like to spotlight a few funny true stories that you haven’t read yet — because I posted them before you started reading my blog!  (If you’ve been reading the blog since the very beginning, then either you love me so much you won’t mind I’m repeating — or you’re so dang old, you don’t remember that you read them already! — or both!)

You can read these one story per day — or gobble them all up at once, then cheerfully fall into a Tryptophan slumber.

He Was Naked When I Met Him

The Walls are SCREAMING at Me — and it’s all My Sister’s Fault

Thanksgiving — and the Horrified Hostess

Well, THAT’S a Little Personal!

Enjoy!

– Darcy Perdu

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19 replies on “Stalking a 20-Foot Tall Turkey

  1. I read ALL the stories–& loved them. Happy Thanksgiving, Darcy!!

    • THANK YOU! and Happy Thanksgiving to you too, fishducky!

  2. Paul said:

    Hey! I didn’t get notification of this post in my e-mail! System Failure!

    Welcome to the East Coast. We don’t see you often (although I’m in Ottawa and not likely to see you – still, you’re on the right side of the continent). Be careful while you’re here – the ocean will likely bring out The Blue Octopus. I did some research and it seems your ancestors are the Kraken – huge, ship-eating sea monsters that roamed the North Atlantic in the 1700’s. Obviously the hot, sexy, powerful Blue Octopus is a major genetic refinement on her ancestors but still, the link is there. If you doubt the link, try a shot of Kraken spiced rum. It is named after your ancestors and I think you will appreciate your history with a sip.I will watch the media for articles about a mysterious crime fighter operating in New York this Thanksgiving. Happy Holidays!

    • Watch the Macy’s Parade on TV — I heard the inflatable Spiderman has been overtaken by a rogue enemy agent determined to destroy the world, so The Blue Octopus may have to strangle him with her mighty tentacles…

    • Tais said:

      Ha! I’ve been meaning to comment about The Blue Octopus for a while, but I keep forgetting it and my tablet didn’t cooperate with me and now I can’t remember what I’m sure would have been a brilliant and funny commentary about this amazing superhero that I would totally root for, and what was I saying anyway? Oh, are you writer? Because though I don’t really remember what you wrote last post, I think I remember that I really liked it. Your stories about The Blue Octopus are fascinating, can’t wait to read what will be her next adventure!
      And HEY, I didn’t get the notification either. Good thing I’m always around here.

      • Tais, that’s a good question for Paul — so do tell, Paul, are you a writer? Do you have a blog, book, or graphic novel we can read? We hope so!

      • Paul said:

        Thanks Tais for the compliment! It is really Darcy (aka The Blue Octopus) who provides the catalyst – I’m Ed McMahon to her Johnny Carson. She is the inspiration. The short answer to your question is No, I don’t have anything published. I did write a number of short stories when I was younger but I was not pleased with the outcome. I’ve spent most of my years in a business environment (sometimes owning my own) and although I enjoyed it and did well, there was always that niggling drive to write. I did not pursue it much (although I did scare a few bosses with reports that were pretty politically incorrect and didn’t toe the corporate line) mostly due to lack of time (I actually did not even have a TV for 10 years – no time). When I did my Masters entrance exams, I aced the written/comprehensive section so much so that the graders accused me of cheating – even though that was farthest from the truth – I was scared shitless and was anal about going by the book. (They did give me full marks because it really isn’t possible to cheat because of the test structure.) I’m in a bit of a hiatus right now – a break from the corporate world – and it is very relaxing. I read voraciously and decided to look around in the blog world to see what “voices” were out there that might give me a clue as to how I should approach perspective. Darcy is one of the best (for me). I can play off her perspective: expanding, elaborating and taking different views. She is one of the few bloggers to ask commenters to match her story for story – many only want comments on their post: a much narrower response pattern. She is very shy about her alter ego – The Blue Octopus – and I am pleased to be able to bring this hot, sexy, powerful superhero out into the public consciousness. After her creation by being struck with a radioactive sandbag at a Miss Saigon performance, The Blue Octopus has been tirelessly fighting crime with little or no recognition. And of course, her frustrations in her “normal” life when she is tempted to morph to The Blue Octopus superhero to solve her problems (I can just see Janice’s high-heels protruding from the maw of the Blue Octopus for suggesting Darcy’s make up was poorly done). But she is strong and resists the temptation. So, remember when The Blue Octopus becomes a household word – you read about her here first!

        • Thanks for all the kind words, Paul. I enjoy writing funny true stories — but I really LOVE reading the funny true stories of you and the other readers! I crack up so much when I read the comments!

          And you should definitely start your own blog — you’re very funny and engaging! Tais and I will be your first followers!

          • Tais said:

            When I started reading his comment I already had a big grin, and knew I was going to have a nice time. So write away sir, and do let us know if you ever start a blog, – or a book – I’ll definitely want to read it.

  3. William Kendall said:

    Thanks for the links! Enjoy the holiday.

    We’ll try not to break into your place.

    At least we’ll try not to leave any evidence behind.

    • Ha! I’ll warn the SWAT team to be on hyper alert for you!

  4. Gee said:

    Hey I just wanted to say: thank you!

    I’ve just had a really bad break-up and luckily I discovered this blog. My recovery regime has basically been a box-set of Frasier DVDs and reading back through your whole archive. You’ve made me laugh when I’ve been feeling pretty crappy and I am so glad to have that.
    Happy Thanksgiving and hope you keep on blogging for a long time!

    • Wow! Your comment made my whole month! I am seriously blushing over here!!

      I’m sorry to hear about your break-up, but clearly it is their loss! You are a spectacular person — and based on your comment above, you clearly have exquisite taste! :o)

      I’m delighted that Frasier and I have made the recuperation period a little lighter for you. Onward and upward, my new friend!

  5. ROTFL the one where the walls are screaming and the horrified hostess had me gasping for air! Just yesterday, you know Thanksgiving, my sister was “critiquing” my Caramel Apple Cheesecake.. haters gon’ hate, Darcy! Shake em’ off! I think it’s also hilarious that you were the one that made the point about the silverware being used that were on the floor that were rejected: OWNED!! Great stuff, hope you had a great Thanksgiving! Have a great one! -Iva

    • thanks, Iva, glad you enjoyed the stories! and I bet your Caramel Apple Cheesecake was AWESOME!!

  6. Nothing says “Thanksgiving” like a post with the word “Naked” in the title… I’m off to read now. Could hardly post this comment for the eagerness of clicking that link…

  7. Hi Darcy! I just recieved the gift cards today. Thanks so much for the other one, as well as for sending them all the way to Australia!

    • Congrats on winning one of the Birthday Blog prizes, Keely! So glad it arrived in Australia safely!