She’s SO Wrong – But Oh, How I WISH She Weren’t!

So funny!  My tween suddenly discovers a SHOCKINGLY HARSH TRUTH!   #ohtobeyoung!  #humor #college #weight #sothenstories

So then…she pops a Parmesan Bread Bite in her mouth and says, “I’m so mad!”

I pop a couple Bites myself and ask, “Why?”

“Well,” says my tween daughter Chloe, “You know how everyone talks about the ‘Freshman 15’ that happens in your freshman year of college?”

“Yeah.”

“Well,” she says, “I just found out it means you GAIN 15 lbs!”

I nearly choke on my soda. “What did you think?!”

“I thought it meant you LOST 15 lbs! I’ve thought that for years! I was so excited!” she says, waving her Bread Bite around. “I had all these plans to pig out the summer before I went to college! I was gonna eat pizza and donuts every day, knowing that I’d lose 15 lbs. as soon as I got there!”

She looks deeply aggrieved, like we’ve all been in on this conspiracy to deliberately mislead her.

I’m dying laughing. Could you imagine?

(If the “Freshman 15” means you LOSE 15 lbs., I’ll enroll in college again right now! Then I’ll deliberately fail all my classes so I can re-enroll as a Freshman every year!)

I smile and shake my head as I gaze upon this crazy little daughter of mine.

She’s actually quite bright, but sometimes she says embarrassingly hilarious things like this that make me wonder if I dropped her on her head too many times as a baby. (How many times? I dunno. Why are you being all judgy?)

But I suppose she comes by it honestly. I remember when I found out everyone in the WHOLE WORLD (except for me) was in on a HILARIOUS, HORRIFYING SECRET!

Yep, we’re two peas in a pod, just tryin’ to navigate the harsh realities of life…one Parmesan Bread Bite at a time…

— Darcy Perdu

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(Did you GAIN or LOSE the “Freshman 15?” Did you or your kids have any similar misperceptions about common sayings or concepts? How many Parmesan Bread Bites can you eat in a single sitting?)

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36 replies on “She’s SO Wrong – But Oh, How I WISH She Weren’t!

  1. Kristina said:

    Your daughter should be in charge of the way the world works.

    • our colleges would be packed! education would escalate! smarter people means smarter workers! the economy would rise dramatically!
      take heed, scientists! figure out how to make this Freshman 15 LOSS a reality — the future of the world depends on it!

    • Ha! I agree, William. Bless her little pea-pickin’ heart.

  2. MmM the Parmesan bread bites made me hungry – Parm is my fave type of cheese. :) college was definitely the exception for me as I did lose 15 lbs but I went to a HUGE University and getting from one building to the next required hiking at its finest. Lol So tell her if she wants to drop pounds: go to a large institution. :) Happy Monday Darcy! -Iva
    AwesomelyOZ recently posted..Being Dismissed is NOT OKMy Profile

    • Good tip, Iva! Makes note to self: attend HUGE universities only!

    • Ha! Love the way you immediately shoot for the Ivy League, baby! If you’re gonna lose 15 plbs, why NOT at a prestigious university? I’m all for it! Meet you at Pepe’s Pizza!

  3. Wow, you are so right, if you can lose 15 pounds going to college sign me up right now!! Heck I can always learn something new!! Lol! This is great! And it should be true too!!! :)
    Kathy Radigan recently posted..Isn’t it RomanticMy Profile

    • lol, let’s sign up together, Kathy, and be sorority sisters! :o)

    • Seriously? That’s so funny! I’ll tell Chloe she’s not alone! :o)

    • ha! these Parmesan Bread Bites seem to be Kryptonite to high metabolism!

  4. Paul said:

    This story is actually about a friend’s children and definitely involves a conceptual misperception. Joan is a young single Mom of twin 7 year old boys who works as a waitress at a restaurant where I eat occasionally. I was having lunch there the other day and she was my server. I asked how her boys were doing and she gave a big sigh and rolled her eyes. She told me that she had recently gotten fed up with how long they were taking to get ready in the morning – especially when she worked the breakfast shift and dropped them at their grandmother’s before school. Soooo, she came up with a plan – time to get them organized (my experience is that organizing 7year old boys is like trying to herd squirrels, but I’m always up for the amusement factor when someone else wants to try). Anyway, to continue, she sat down with them and in a very democratic process, she got them to list each item that they needed in the morning – boots, coats, mittens, scarves, homework, hats, etc. Then she had them make a list on the computer, with the items down one side and a series of checkboxes across the paper, a column for each school day for the rest of the month. She was determined that this was going to be a learning opportunity as well as an organizational debut for her boys. And when the finished product appeared, she was very proud of their efforts. She made it clear that they had to check each box off the night before and then they would be ready for the morning.

    So, the first night she questioned them if they had checked off their boxes. They confirmed and she checked and sure enough, they had all the boxes checked. Again she was so proud of their efforts and figured she had this problem beat. The next morning, they were tight for time when the first call for help came;

    “Moooom! Have you seen my boots?”

    And from the other: “Mooom! I can’t find my coat!”

    Pissed off, she went and got the new chart and stomping out to the entry-way demanded, while shaking the chart; “You checked off every one of these items last night! Why can’t you find them now?!”

    The boys looked at her, puzzled. So she elaborated; “This chart says that you guys found and organized each item last night. Why can’t you find them now?”

    Then one piped up with; “But you only said we had to check the boxes. We did, we checked all the boxes. You mean we have to check the boxes AND find each item? That’s a lot of work.”

    Apparently there was a slight conceptual misperception involved with the purpose of the chart.

    • Love it!! And I totally side with the boys! Checking off all those boxes is hard enough! Ha!

      My sister likes to tell the story of how anxious her teen daughter was that the homework assignment in writing class was that each student had to follow a journalist. She worried she wouldn’t be able to follow them much since she had school all day and didn’t have much access to a car after school. My sister had to explain that the teacher probably meant “follow a journalist” as in follow them on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, blogs, the online newspaper — NOT literally stalk them in person!!! Ha!

      • Paul said:

        Well, it has been recently brought to my attention that you CAN stalk on Facebook – naive as I was (I think I may have just had my first bite of the forbidden Facebook fruit -Yikes!) Have you read Aussa Lorens recent guest post on Long Awkward Pause? (http://longawkwardpause.com/2014/01/29/facebook-stalking/ )Do not, whatever you do, let your sister’s teenager see it, even if it means destroying all the computers in the house! Ha!

        • Yes, I read her post the other day and I cracked up — especially when she advises to show up where ever the person you’re stalking is dining so you can show him how “fabulous and sane” you are! Ha!

    • Ha! I laughed at your geography discovery at 19!
      For some reason I thought Las Vegas was next to Chicago for years! In fact, I think it WAS there, then they moved it closer to LA.

      • Julie said:

        SHHH! Darcy!! It isn’t a well known fact that we moved Las Vegas.

  5. Ha! Oh, I totally gained the freshman fifteen and the sophomore seven and on and on. I also gained more weight after getting a desk job. Grrrr… at least I got a decent pair of knockers out of the deal though.

    • Ha! And tell me about the desk job! Me too! I have a severe case of Rumpus Expandus!

  6. Yup, most freshman gain that 15 pounds from eating and drinking junk, but I did lose weight the first year of college. Probably because I didn’t eat much as I scammed meals from my roommates who had paid for the food plan on campus. I lived off plenty of cheap beer and 10 cent wings at the local pub!
    Phil recently posted..This Drunken Munkey is causing a ruckus in NYC!My Profile

    • ahh, the old “beer-and-wings” diet plan! :o)

  7. Another funny story Darcy: )
    I lucked out and somehow missed the fact that I was about to gain 15 lbs. I only made it through one year of college, but, had I learned this prior to my enrollment, I would have been filling out all of my documents through out my life like this: 12 years of high school education. Instead of being able to add this: 1 year,UW of Wisconsin, Madison.

    • Madison? ooo, chilly! it’s essential to bulk up in that kind of weather! If I went to freshman year in Madison, I would have gained the Freshman 45! :o)

  8. Julie said:

    I stayed at home and commuted to a very nice nearby private college. I never really felt like I fit in, as the majority of them came from substantial money, or at least it appeared so. There was no weight issues for me till after my 2nd baby. I guess there really aren’t weight issues now either. I feel kinda hefty these days but if I mention it I get laughs. I guess since I spent most of my life as a poster child for some starving nation having some weight on me feels like a lot.

    • Interesting — maybe the Freshman 15 don’t appear if you don’t go away to college.

  9. Melanie said:

    I was in line for the cafeteria in college when I overheard a conversation between a girl and her friends. They were lamenting the bad food and how they had gained so much weight since the beginning of the school year. One girl said “I know! I’m already halfway to the Freshman 50!” There was a beat of silence and her friend said, “Missy, it’s the Freshman 15, not 50.” The color drained from her face and she ran from the cafeteria. I was torn between feeling bad for her and being horrified at the idea that she thought a 50 pound weight gain was just part of college life!

    • YIKES!! The Freshman FIFTY? Yowza!
      Now the PREGNANCY 50 — that’s perfectly reasonable.
      I hope so, cuz that’s about what I gained for my first pregnancy!
      And yes, I’m still trying to get the baby weight off. And yes, he’s in high school now. What’s your point?
      lol!

  10. Michele said:

    Haha! I would LOVE to have stuck with the freshman 15! Due to nasty food in our cafeteria, I lived on bagels and baked potatoes my freshman year…and ended the year 25 lbs. heavier than when I started. I had been underweight when the year started, so I was average weight when the year ended, but still!

    • Ha! Bagels and baked potatoes! I would’ve gained the Freshman 45 with THAT kind of meal plan!