Teacher’s Most Creative Punishment EVER!

Teacher's Most Creative Punishment Ever!  Hilarious Consequence Imposed by the Teacher!  #funny #school #teacher #kids #punishment #humor

So then…I accidentally overhear my daughter and her pals talking about a school incident. Now I don’t mind freely admitting that I frequently and deliberately eavesdrop on my kids – (gots to make sure they’re not cookin’ meth or prank callin’ the Pentagon) – but in this particular case, it really is accidental.

I’m in the pantry, with the door closed, all the better to sneak a snack – but I can’t find the damn Double Stuf Oreos. (And BTdubs, Oreos brand manager, buy another “f” for God’s sake – that “Double Stuf” is just the white trash snack name equivalent of “Brandi with an i.”)

I could’ve sworn I hid them in the crockpot, but they’re not there.

Did I forget where I hid them – or did someone discover them and re-hide them from me? Between my poor memory and my crafty kids, this pantry’s like one big Where’s Waldo? of Sweet Treats.

Just as I’m peeking inside the rice cooker, I hear my daughter and her 8th grade friends tumble into the kitchen outside the pantry door:

Daughter: Did you see how mad Mr. Briggs got in class today?

Friend 1: Oh yes!

Friend 2: Wait, I was with my advisor so I missed class today — but let me guess – was it Danny?

Friend 1: Yes! It’s always Danny!

Friend 2: Danny drives Mr. Briggs crazy! He’s always talking and disrupting the class.

Daughter: Yeah, so you know how the teacher sends him out of the classroom for a few minutes to calm him down?

Friend 2: You mean to calm the teacher down?

They all laugh.

Daughter: Yes! So today, Mr. Briggs sent Danny outside the classroom and told him not to come back inside until he “finds a pregnant ant!”

Friend 2: WHAT!?

Friend 1: Seriously! We all heard it! “Don’t come back until you find a pregnant ant!”

Friend 2: Omigod, that’s hilarious!

Hilarious? That’s GENIUS!

The girls tumble on through the kitchen back up to my daughter’s bedroom.

I find the Oreos behind the pasta boxes and chow down on the tasty treats with a cool glass of milk.

I have a new-found respect for Mr. Briggs.

What a creative consequence for disruptive behavior!

What a daunting challenge to give a rambunctious 13-year-old boy!

So many things to think about:

1) Surely Danny could locate some ants on the blacktop sport court outside the classroom – but how would he know which are pregnant?

2) How could he even determine if the ants are female? (I can barely tell the gender of most pets or lizards, so I’d need a high-powered microscope and a high-res anatomical ant diagram to determine that li’l insect’s sexual category!)

3) Did Danny rush out of the room, shouting “CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!”

4) Or did he spend hours hunched over the blacktop picking up ant after ant, looking closely, then placing it back down? “Nope.” “Nope.” “Oh, MAAAAYbe? Aw, nope.”

5) More to the point, what if Danny walked back into class with an ant and CLAIMED that it was pregnant? How could Mr. Briggs disprove it?

(Would they have to wait the average gestational period of an ant to see if indeed it did give birth!? I picture all the students and Mr. Briggs gathered around the lab table, intently staring at the ant waiting for it to pop out baby ant eggs! Perhaps wagers would be placed – DID Danny find a pregnant ant? What’re the odds? Will she give birth before class gets out? Perhaps kids belt out guesses as crumpled dollar bills and candy bars change hands.)

I quickly Google “ant pregnancy,” almost spilling my milk in the process, cheeks still full of Double Stuf(f) goodness.

“Ants go through complete metamorphosis: egg, larva, pupa, adult. However, only the queen ant lays eggs.”

Holy Shizznit! Danny has to find the QUEEN ant!?

“The queen ant stays in the nest. The worker ants walking around are all sterile females.”

Oh for God’s sake, now Danny has to find the NEST where the ONE PREGNANT QUEEN ANT is hiding out, with her feet up, watching “Ellen,” eating Double Stuf(f) Oreos – while her sterile female servants are out doing all the work?

Does Danny know this? Of course not! They probably cover this in Science class, but he’s too busy being thrown out for talking!

I wish I could text Danny this info. This is critical intel for him to have if Mr. Briggs gives him this assignment again!

I’m so worried about Danny, I corner my daughter later and grill her about the situation. She assures me that Danny’s not being picked on, has no issues, and is only sent outside for a few minutes at a time to gain composure and quit goofing off in class. I’m relieved.

(If he’s tasked with this again, I hope Danny’s clever enough to ask all the pregnant teachers on campus, “Do you have nieces or nephews?” If yes, he can grab her by the hand and introduce her to Mr. Briggs as a “pregnant aunt.” He’d surely get points for creativity!)

Meanwhile, I am PRAYING someone is disruptive in our next staff meeting. I CANNOT WAIT to throw out a similar challenge to one of our employees! “Kevin, step outside this moment! And don’t return until you find a pregnant ant!”

“Don’t come back until you find a diabetic turtle!”

“Don’t return until you find a dyslexic squirrel!”

“Huh? What?”

Oh, the look on his face would be PRICELESS!

— Darcy Perdu

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(What’s the most creative punishment you’ve heard from a teacher, parent, or babysitter? Any clever ones of your own? How would YOU find a pregnant ant?)

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58 replies on “Teacher’s Most Creative Punishment EVER!

    • Thanks, Suzanne! Danny needs me on his strategy team!

  1. hahaha I never thought I could make light of Turtle Diabetes, but I’m cracking up at the mental image of one checking it’s blood sugar.
    p.s. When you DO write to Oreos about the spelling? Could you ask them to help a Mother out and make the bag LESS noisy to open?? Thanks!

    • Ha! Joy, laughing out loud at your suggestion to make the Oreos bag quieter to open! That’ll help our stealth snack-sneaking operations!

      • Paul said:

        I never thought in my lifetime I’d ever say this but they DID make Oreo packages noise free here in Canada! I bought a pack the other day and you lay it on its back and there is a thumb sized tab that protrudes close to the top. You pull on that tab and a wide flap opens in the front of the package from top to bottom. You can reach in and remove all the Oreos without disturbing the crinkley packaging. And the best part is that the edges are sticky like sticky notes so you can just put the flap back down and it seals!

        • Paul, my packages open like that too, but they make a big “RIIIIIIPPING” noise when I pull that flap up!
          (Perhaps I’m just opening them with too much enthusiasm and glee!)
          I shall try to be a bit more discreet and lady-like about it — so as not to set off the alarms to all the zombie-eyed children in the house who instantly start shuffling toward the sound, with arms extended, murmuring “cookiecookiecookiecookie…”

          • Paul said:

            Sorry, it was the first time I’d seen one and I was so excited. I should have known you’d have it in Calif, before we’d get it. You could always open it under a blanket (in bed or otherwise) to deaden your enthusiastic opening technique.

          • ha! thanks for the tip — will bring blanket into pantry from now on — in fact, may even bring a pillow and make a little comfy nest in there!

    • Just jumping in to say that a loud, well-timed cough can cover a multitude of opening sounds in the kitchen. I can get away with opening bottles of soda or bags of chips!
      Rabia @TheLiebers recently posted..A Much Needed BreakMy Profile

      • HA! Thanks for the tip! I’ll have to remember that the next time I’m skulking around the pantry sneaking cookies!

  2. OMG – I’m dying laughing at this. Even though I know that he had to find the Queen — because I am up to date on my Wild Kratts episodes that my 2 daughters love to watch…and….drat! there went my chance to use this.
    still, brilliant.
    Rorybore recently posted..Tuesday Coffee Chat: I Must Ask YouMy Profile

    • lol! I hope Danny watches Wild Kratts too! I’m pullin’ for that guy to meet Mr. Briggs’ challenge!

  3. Oh my word! I thought you were going to get mad at the teacher for saying it! I love a post that turns out differently than I expect! So, the only punishment I can think of is the brother and sister (or whatever gender siblings) that can’t get along and the mom or dad put them in an adult sized white t-shirt and make them stay in the one shirt until they can get along!
    dawn recently posted..Spring craft with old crayons for kidsMy Profile

    • Ha! That share-the-shirt idea is pretty inventive! Perhaps bickering spouses could share a sexy nightgown ’til they get along…

      • My hubby would look so good in a lacy baby doll. Now to find one that would fit the both of us.
        Mercy recently posted..PackingMy Profile

        • HA! Now that sounds like a fun Saturday night!

  4. Of course, it becomes much more complicated if the ant nest he goes out to is full of red ants. Those little bastards bite.

    • Oh lordy YES! I once had a red ant bite that made my whole foot swell! Must text Danny immediately: steer clear of RED pregnant ants!

  5. Paul said:

    This story is happier than a punishment, but equally innovative. When you mentioned dyslexic squirrel, it popped to mind. When I was about 8 years old, my Dad did retail door to door bread delivery. I went with him one hot summer Saturday in the truck to “help.” His route was partially in a low rent area and the people were kind but sad – very beat down. We would take a tray of various breads and cakes, knock on the door and usually walk in announcing ourselves with “Breadman!” We went into one particular duplex, did our business and when we came out there was a young boy about 5 years old sitting on the front step. Beside him was a black and white cat. They turned around as we came out and both were cross-eyed. This blew me away and I couldn’t understand it so I asked my Dad why in the truck. He explained that the young boy was waiting for an operation and meantime his parents bought him a cross-eyed cat so he wouldn’t feel so alone.

    • Wow! That IS innovative! Cool parents to find that cat for that kid! What a sweet story!

  6. Very intelligent teacher. Maybe I should tell that to my hyper son when he is bouncing off the walls. But I could have told you that only the queen lays the eggs. It is that way for most of the insect kingdom.
    Mercy recently posted..PackingMy Profile

    • I’ve always wanted to be a Queen — but apparenty not in the insect world if they’re the ones who have to pop out all the babies! I’ll be content to be the Insect Court Jester!

  7. Technically every ant is pregnant. Pregnant with work. Pregnant with thought. Hell, they’re even taking pregnant pauses in their conversations. So pregnant most people don’t even realize they’re having conversations.

    • Danny needs you on his team! With your theory, he could bring ANY ant to Mr. Briggs! Score! Bloggess Double Unicorn Success Club!

  8. Julie said:

    I was all over the finding a pregnant woman who has nieces or nephews!

    You know, the “Danny’s” of my classes would have just skipped out. Not seen nor heard from for the rest of the day. When questioned the next day the response would have been “Mr Briggs said…” (if he came back the next day)

    • Ha! Good point! I guess that would be pretty awkward. Cops interviewing Mr. Briggs about a missing Danny: “Who was the last person to see him and what was said?” Mr. Briggs (pale, nervous): “Um what happened was…OK…well, see he was being REALLY talkative…so I told him…um…I suggested that he…uh…go find a…um….pregnant ant.” Cops: ? Mr. Briggs: “So maybe you could like put out an APB on any expectant insects in case Danny’s there…?” Cops: ?

  9. I imagined Danny having to find an ant hill out in the yard, then digging up the hill in search of the Queen. So the teacher basically said: go out and destroy a tiny ant civilization. Harsh for the ants! ~Catherine

    • yep, poor ants — colony in jeopardy ‘cuz Danny’s too rambunctious in class! :o)

  10. Lol that’s awesome – I don’t know how teachers put up with half the ish they do, especially now a days. Kids are so out of line with their teachers compared to just one decade ago. I mean seriously 50 years ago you’d get smacked for some ish and your parents would smack you again and back up the teacher. Patience is a virtue! Happy Hump Day Darcy! -Iva
    AwesomelyOZ recently posted..GTFO: The Worry Wart ParentMy Profile

    • lol, Iva, you’re right about the “smackin’ up side da head” in the old days!
      I admire the patience of teachers — I’m sure I’d be the one tossing kids from class saying things like, “And don’t come back ’til you find a Starbucks coffee and Tylenol for my headache!”

  11. Ohhh…your post was a twofer — entertaining AND educational. It makes me feel far less guilty for spending hours online reading blogs when I can legitimately say I was busy learning stuff!

    • lol! glad to pass along some knowledge from the animal kingdom/insect world/ant colony!

  12. OMG I so need laughter right now and I about flipped out my chair backwards laughing at this, Darcy! That is one creative teacher. I laughed even harder at your turtle and squirrel possibilities. Brilliant! I’m telling my retired teacher step mom this story…actually I’m going to read it to her. She will love it… :)
    Mike recently posted..Top 10 Tom Cruise Movies, Show Me The Money!My Profile

  13. You are a little young to be suffering from, ‘hiding in the pantry hallucinations.’Sometimes the light deprivation will do it but I suspect too much sugar made you slip into a light coma and the sugar also made you fantasize about diabetic turtles. We have diabetic turtles in the south. They are made with pecans, caramel and chocolate. We also have dyslexic squirrels. They can never find their nuts and they leave holes all over the yard looking for them.

    • Ben! You crack me up! First of all, I LOOOOOOVE those Southern turtles of pecans, caramel, and chocolate! My mama used to serve them to her bridge club in Lousisiana so my siblings and I found a MILLION excuses to traipse through the living room to snag us some turtles!!

      And second of all, I laughed so hard at the image of your dyslexic squirrels looking everywhere for their nuts (edible or otherwise!)

  14. You always make me laugh: ) I wonder if Danny ever did look for that pregnant ant. Something tells me the poor boy has been sent on more than one wild goose chase in his life. He proabably just played in the dirt. That’s what I would have done.

    • Ha! Me too! It would’ve been funny if the principal had happened along and asked, “What’re you doing?” Danny: “My teacher told me to look for a pregnant ant.” Principal: “What the what what?”

  15. Jenn R. said:

    Foolproof Oreo Stealth Consumption:

    1. Open Oreo bag and put contents into a ziplock bag. No more crinkle sound.
    2. Purchase a repulsive bran cereal that no one will touch.
    3. Open cereal box, discard crappy cereal, insert ziplocked Oreo goodness.
    4. Enjoy all the Oreo’s.

    • Jenn, you are BRILLIANT!! This is GENIUS!! Mission accepted!!

  16. Susan said:

    Most creative punishment I’ve ever exercised? When my son’s 1st grade teacher called me at work to tell me he wrote s-e-x on his paper I knew I needed a punishment that made a lasting impression. I sat him down, took a black sharpie in hand, and began to write on a blank white t-shirt. As I did so I began, “..You say you don’t know what that word means so (pause) since its okay to write on your school work you hand in to your teacher (crying begins) then it must be okay to write it on your (“Mom, NO!! I see what you’re doing. PLEASE don’t do that! Just spank me! PLease!!”)shirt so that everyone can see it.” By then he was on the floor begging. I wrote the word on the t-shirt and made him wear it for twenty minutes. I even made him wear it in the car while I ran an errand. I don’t think we’ll be having a problem with profanity in this household.

    • Wow! That IS memorable!
      I’ll bet some teen boys will be less likely to sext their private parts via cell phone, if they knew their moms would draw those private parts on a shirt and make them wear it all day! Hilarious!

  17. Ha– that’s terrible/hilarious. I can’t think of any good punishments right now… but I do recall that when I was a freshman in high school my Political Science teacher would force kids to wheel the overhead projector with them to the bathroom as the “hall pass.” It ensured you REALLY had to go before asking him and putting yourself through the trouble and embarrassment.

    • Ha! I haven’t thought of many creative punishments either. One time my young son urged me to take away video games for a week instead of TV, which was highly suspicious — so then I found out the video game console was broken. That little wily rascal!

    • Ha! On my way now! Looking for a turtle surrounded by M&Ms and Skittles!

  18. Alex said:

    The best teacher imposed punishment is one I saw on the internet – a teacher took an iPad from a sixth grader and gave it back with a sticky note saying something like “I changed the passcode – do NOT bring it again.” The passcode? The answer to a very complicated maths equation the teacher wrote on the sticky note. Brilliant!

    • Ha! That’s ingenious! What a clever teacher!

    • Ha! A de-stinked stink bug would be a REAL challenge!

  19. Sarah said:

    if the queen ant lays eggs then it wouldn’t be pregnant…

    • Yikes! Poor Danny — he’d have to go searching again! Ha!