My Teen’s Irrationally Funny Reason Why Matt Damon Bugs Her

Matt Damon Bugs Me 433 x 290
So then…I ask my teen daughter Chloe if she heard that one of her favorite actors proposed to his costar. Chloe says, “WHAT?! How did I not know that? Am I pooping in the wrong places?”

Did she ask me that because:
a) She always answers celeb questions with poop-related non sequiturs
or
b) She typically gleans her celeb news from the “academic journals” (People Magazine and Entertainment Weekly) that are strewn about the various bathrooms in the house – and must have missed that issue

Ding Ding Ding! We have a winner!

Believe me, we regularly discuss deep philosophical issues and topics of global import (cough cough) – but typically our conversations are more like this one from tonight:

Chloe, my 14-year old daughter, and I lie down before bedtime, chatting about our day.

Darcy: Oh! Can I tell you something about Matt Damon?

Chloe: Matt Damon bugs me.

Darcy: *

Chloe: What? He really bugs me!

Darcy: *

Chloe: Oh, OK, tell me about Matt Damon.

Darcy (indignant): I can’t believe you would say that about Matt Damon. I love him. First of all, he won an Oscar for co-writing Best Screenplay, so he’s smart and talented. He’s built an impressive acting career without landing in the tabloids as a drunken addict womanizer. And he could have had his pick of ANY hot babe, but he married a single working mom AND adopted her kid AND had a bunch more kids with her. AND he’s made funny videos with Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman. AND HE’S A HUMANITARIAN!

Chloe (sufficiently cowed): OK! OK! So tell me what you were gonna say about Matt Damon.

Darcy: OK, what I wanted to say (huffs loudly) was that I saw an interview with him today where he talked about building water treatment systems in third world countries. The new system in this village meant that the kids no longer had to walk miles and miles to collect water for their families. So he asked this 12-year-old girl what she would do with the 3 hours per day she USED to spend collecting water – would she spend it studying? And the girl laughed and said, “No, I’m already the smartest kid in my class.” Matt Damon smiled and said that he could tell by the way she said it, that she really WAS the smartest kid in the class. He asked her, “So what will you do with the extra 3 hours per day?” And she said, “I will play.” Isn’t that AMAZING?

Chloe: Wow, that’s cool.

Darcy: Exactly! We’re so blessed we can just turn a faucet and have all the water we want. And here these kids were spending 3 hours a day just collecting water!

Chloe (thoughtful): We’re really lucky.

Darcy: We truly are fortunate. We should really be grateful for all we have.

We ponder in silence for a moment.

Chloe: Matt Damon still bugs me though.

Darcy: OH MY GOD! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH MATT DAMON?

Chloe: He looks like Leonardo DiCaprio.

Darcy: But you love DiCaprio!

Chloe: Exactly. So sometimes I’ll see a movie trailer, like Monuments Men, and I’ll get all excited, thinking Leonardo’s in the movie and then I look again and see that it’s just Matt Damon.

Darcy: OH MY GOD! So the chief crime of Matt Damon, esteemed actor and humanitarian — is that he LOOKS LIKE LEONARDO DICAPRIO?

Chloe: Yes.

Darcy: *

Chloe: What?

Darcy: I am going to drown you in a village water treatment system.

(OK, I didn’t say that last line, but the rest of that conversation literally just happened.)

Honestly! I’m trying to teach that child about gratitude for all our blessings — and she’s fixated on Matt Damon’s apparently deliberately deceptive impersonation of Leonardo DiCaprio!

Sigh.

I am hiding ALL the “academic journals” from ALL the pooping places.

— Darcy Perdu

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Consider joining me in donating to awesome Matt Damon’s non-profit organization Water.com HERE.

(How do YOU feel about Matt Damon? Which celebs bug YOU?  Any teenagers who miss the point of your brilliant observations and meaningful lessons because they’re too distracted being…TEENAGERS?)

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50 replies on “My Teen’s Irrationally Funny Reason Why Matt Damon Bugs Her

  1. I share your love of Matt Damon – for all of the reasons you mentioned. Plus, I just really, REALLY admire the fact that Matt and Ben Affleck decided what they wanted — and then made it happen. I’d invite both of those guys to a party — they seem like a down-to-earth good time!

    PS — aren’t conversations with kids the best? Unless they are being surly — then maybe not so much.
    Jana recently posted..Bite My Ass!My Profile

    • Fortunately Chloe isn’t surly — just odd. :o) And I’d definitely invite Matt and Ben to a party too! Send me their numbers! Ha!

    • Yep, Mercy, these kids come up with some funny stuff!

  2. fondaweb said:

    I like Matt Damon. He looks nothing like LDC. Neither does Nicole Kidman, but she bugs me. Don’t know why. She’s a very good actress, but I would never see a movie just because she’s in it.

    • Yes, I could see how Nicole Kidman would bug you. For some reason, I’ve never been a fan of her friend Naomi Watts. Not sure why, but she bugs me!

  3. First of all…I LOVE MATT DAMON!! For all the reasons you stated. He’s a class act.

    This was so funny! I love kid logic.

    I read the part about Matt’s convo with the girl to my sons, and my 6yo said, “when I grow up to be a rock star I’m going to give all my money to those people. Like a hundred dollars.”

    haha!

    haha
    Beth Teliho recently posted..BlogygamyMy Profile

    • Beth, how ADORABLE! I love that your son plans to be a humanitarian rock star!

  4. Okay, first of all, Matt Damon doesn’t look anything like Leo. But perhaps I’m biased because I think Matt is way better looking than Leo. And the fact that he seems like a grounded person and devoted family man makes him sexier than Leo. I think it’s funny, tho, that Chloe chooses to focus on his resemblance as a reason to be irked.
    Gina Jacobs Thomas recently posted..When the Going Gets ToughMy Profile

    • Right? What a bizarre reason to be annoyed with someone: they look like that other guy! So funny!

  5. william kendall said:

    Maybe a passing resemblance… but Damon can keep in shape, unlike DiCaprio, who looks eternally bloated. I like Matt’s work in films.

    I can’t say the same for DiCaprio, who I wish would just go away and never come back. And he can take Will Ferrell with him.

    • Yes, DiCaprio can look a bit worse for wear. And that’s interesting that you mention that about Will Ferrell — I know several people that are bugged by him. He was funny in Old School but some of the other movies…hmmm.

  6. I am a huge Matt Damon fan, Darcy! I fell head over heels in man/actor love with him in “Good Will Hunting”. I like what you said here,”I’m trying to teach that child about gratitude for all our blessings.” Love the dialogue between you and Chloe! How ironic as I gave DiCaprio a funny part play in my latest post :)
    Mike recently posted..The Morning My Hot English Lover And I Had Our Party CrashedMy Profile

    • I agree, Mike! He won my heart in Good Will Hunting too!

  7. Lmao Matt Damon is hotter hands down. He looks like a better overall human being so your daughter needs to get over it! :) There are definitely a lot of things we take for granted it’s good to get kids to understand that while they’re young. Have a great one Darcy! -Iva
    AwesomelyOZ recently posted..The Good and the BadMy Profile

  8. Paul said:

    Ha! Funny conversation Darcy. I actually survived two teen-agers (a girl and a boy) and at about 14 they are so self-centered (and dramatic) it can be quite funny. If you told them there was a disaster somewhere in the world they would complain that their favorite TV program was moved to make room for reporting and bemoan that this always happened to them (those dastardly disasters). But they are very empathetic if they are faced with the real person or situation – even more so than an adult. They’ll see and feel the pain of others and defend them selflessly (even if the hurt person is in the wrong) but only if they can actually see or reach out and touch the person. Any situation that requires intellectualization will inevitably revert back to how serious it inconveniences the teen. If the building down the block fell down – they would complain about the bricks on the sidewalk and how terribly inconvenient it was and how it had to happen today of all days just when they were in a hurry – “and this always happens to me”! They do grow out of this, trust me. Meanwhile it can be quite funny and at that age, it can be most amusing to tease them about it. God, I hate him because he looks just like a guy I like. Can you believe the nerve?

    • great example of teen reaction to building falling down ruining their day — that’s teenagers for ya! :o)

      • Paul said:

        Darcy, I actually read a journal article once that reported the results of a study of teens’ brains (not kidding!) and the result was interesting. Apparently they have more neural connections at that point than at any other time in their lives. The problem is that the connections are not all valid and as they grow, their brains gradually weed out the invalid connections and rewire.

        • That is interesting — and I’m impressed you’re reading scientific journals like that!
          Teenager “brains gradually weed out the invalid connections and rewire” — unless they start SMOKING weed, in which case their brains just atrophy into a haze of video games and Cheetohs — so keep ’em off the weed and keep ’em off the pole!

  9. I guess I don’t dislike Matt Damon at all. I mean Good Will Hunting was pretty great.

    I was going to ask you if you’d ever seen the F*cking Matt Damon videos! Too funny!! Lol.

    I met Sean Astin (sp?) once and he was a really nice guy. I wrote a post about it because he made me chuckle.
    donofalltrades recently posted..Happy Birthday Me – a FTSFMy Profile

    • Yes, I love those videos that Sarah & Matt made — then the response videos from Jimmy Kimmel and Ben Affleck — so funny!

  10. I thought I was the only one that used to confuse those two! I love your defense of Matt. I could use much of your defense for the love of my life, George Clooney.

    And I frigging hate Gwyneth Paltrow. Don’t know why. She’s never done anything to me. Just can’t stand her. And I hate that just because she’s famous, she got to cut a record with that thin voice of hers. Booooooooo!

    • Ha! Love George Clooney — and I can see why you’d feel that way about Gwyneth. I’m sure she’s nice but she seems a bit superior in my opinion!

  11. That is SO funny. I don’t really think they look alike?! Hmmm….. I feel like I see random people roundabouts that look like Matt Damon though. He has one of those faces!
    Aussa Lorens recently posted..File of Awkward: All User AbuserMy Profile

    • He does have that kind of face — like an everyman kind of guy!

  12. That is a funny conversation : ) Your daughter is so wrong, but I know how she feels. Matt Damon is WAY cuter than Leonardo. I sometimes get bugged when I think there’s going to be a Matt Damon movie on and then it turns out to be DiCaprio instead.

    • Millie, you’re hilarious! I’m going to tell Chloe you said that! She’ll be appalled that you’d rather see Matt than Leo! Ha!

  13. I love Matt Damon! He seems like a regular guy. Leo not so much in fact before your daughter pointed it out I never realized that Leonardo DeCaprio bugs me!!

    • ha! that’s hysterical! (of course, Chloe would think that’s sacrilege!) lol!

    • I could see that — they do have some similarities!

  14. I like Matt Damon better than Leonardo DiCaprio, but neither one has achieved Jason Bateman level status in my head.

    • Ooo, good choice! I LOVE Jason Bateman! He’s good looking AND funny AND smart! Great combination!

  15. I never thought Matt looked like Leonardo. Interesting. Matt is WAY hotter (and if you want to start an argument, you can tell your daughter I said that).
    Cary recently posted..Like a Baby Arm Holding an AppleMy Profile

  16. This is too funny.
    I have always always admired and liked Matt – both for the chap that he is and for his acting. As for Leo – well he’s grown on me. First saw him in Titanic and I felt he was far too young for the role (!) Then was blown away by his “Catch Me if You Can” bit and then got my socks blown off by his “Wolf of Wall Street.” In my books he should have won this year’s Oscar. As my 18 year old observed “Matthew M – lost weight. Leo – acted outside of the box.”
    Kelly McKenzie recently posted..Plumbing Problems That Aren’tMy Profile

    • I thought he was to young for Titanic too! Loved him in Catch Me If You Can! Such a great movie!

  17. Chloe said:

    PSA TO ALL THOSE WHO THINK MATT DAMON IS HOTTER THAN LEONARDO DICAPRIO:

    you are wrong.
    have a nice day!
    and don’t forget to subscribe to so then stories ;) (you’re welcome mama)

    • ha! I guess my teen is not swayed by those of you who feel Matt is hotter than Leo!
      And thanks for encouraging people to subscribe to the blog, honey! :o)

  18. I’m a fan of Matt too.

    Since I like him better I’m going to say Leo bugs me for looking like Matt. Matt is older after all so if anyone looks like anyone else Leo is the guilty party. That’s science! You can’t argue with science.

    • HA! I agree with you, Dr. Veronica, PhD in All Things Science! That makes perfect sense!

    • Yep, these teens make me shake my head in wonder (or awe or confusion or horror).