In Case of Fire, Flood, or Zombies, Which PRIZED POSSESSION Would You Save?

Quick!  Zombies are coming!  Tornado's headed to your house!  Flames are leaping, locusts are swarming!  What's the 1 ridiculous THING you save? #funny #disaster #zombies #cooking #humor

So then…the news article clearly states that, in case of emergency, we should flee the house ONLY with our humans and pets – NO material possessions.

Oh, sure, that sounds reasonable. But who’re we kiddin’ here? We all know we’re going to grab at least ONE prized possession.

So what’s it going to be for you?

Perhaps something SENTIMENTAL – like that hand-made quilt your great-grandmother crocheted at that Siberian refugee camp?

Or something SIGNIFICANT – like that coveted first place trophy you won in the state skiing tournament after recuperating from a nasty bout of scurvy?

Or something SPECIAL – like that rare first edition book you bought to celebrate making your first million after working your way through college as a stripper?

For me, it’s this bowl.

In Case - Bowl 429

This Orange Bowl.

This Orange Bowl is the most special, sentimental, significant material possession I own.

In case of fire, flood, or earthquake, I’m seizing the family, the photos, and this bowl.

Why?

Because I love this bowl. It’s irreplaceable.

There’s no other bowl in the world like it – and believe me, I’ve looked.

(Shhh, shhh, Orange Bowl, don’t get jealous – I’m not TRYING to replace you – I’m just checking out back-ups in case you meet a (sob) untimely demise.)

I bought this bowl about 83 million years ago from Tupperware, which has long-since discontinued it. And no other company makes one JUST like it.

Other bowls are too thin/too small/too big – or the shape is wrong – or they scoot around when you’re using the electric mixer.

My Orange Bowl is made of a strong plastic – thick and sturdy – with just the right heft to it. It is substantial. (If my bowl were an actress, it would be Meryl Streep. No Kristen Stewarts or Megan Foxes here. Just solid, outstanding, substantial Meryl Streep.)

I’m a baker (not by trade, just by passion) — so this bowl cradles all the ingredients for my cookies, cakes, brownies, and pies.

In Case - Recipe 429

It’s just the right size, height, and diameter for all my recipes.

It’s perfect for all my whisking & electric-mixing & batter-taste-testing!

It’s an irrefutable fact that recipes prepared in my other bowls simply DO NOT TASTE AS DELICIOUS as when they’re prepared in my ORANGE BOWL.

It also doubles as a mashed potato mashing bowl.

In Case - Size 429

And really, how more sentimental can you get than an item that holds the warm, loving memories of baked goods and mashed potatoes?

I guard this bowl religiously. It’s endured 47 million moves from state to state, home to home. It even survived a nasty altercation with an overly-aggressive scorching hot pot that left a mark on my poor baby.  It was clearly the pot’s fault.

In Case - Mark on Bowl with Arrows Final 429

Years ago, when one of the kids was very sick, David hastily grabbed the Orange Bowl from the cabinet to serve as a vomit-catcher.

A…VOMIT…CATCHER.

As he approached the child, I slow-motion-screamed “Nooooooooo!” as I slow-motion-ran toward him to knock the bowl from his hands!

“There are basins for vomit! BASINS! They’re under the sink! Not my bowl! Not my ORANGE BOOOOOOOOOWL!”

Both child and husband looked at me like I’d lost all sense of priority.

I cared not.

They took the basin — and I scuttled to the other room, cradling that Orange Bowl, caressing it and whispering, “My precious, my precious.”

So when the flames leap to the house – or the earth begins to shake – or the Apocalyptic Zombies shuffle toward our brains, I’ll grab my family, my photos, and my Orange Bowl.

What will YOU grab?

OK, out with it. I know you have that one thing, as inconsequential as it might seem to everyone else – you just gotta have it!

My Mom recently offered a $20 reward to anyone who could find her 99₵ pickle jar opener she lost in the move because IT IS THE ONLY EFFECTIVE PICKLE JAR OPENER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD! She went on and on about it for days!

We’d be unpacking and say things like, “Hey, here’s the box with Grammy’s silver!” “Oh, look, Dad’s Air Force medals.” “Here are the albums of baby pics of your five kids!”

And she’d say, “What about my pickle jar opener? Did you find that yet? I really need that pickle jar opener.”

I was like, “Geez, Mom, calm down, how MANY pickle jars are you OPENING anyway?”

Apparently even ONE without that spectacular thin little rubber mat pickle jar opener is ONE TOO MANY. Thank God, my niece found it at the bottom of a closet and the world has been restored to order.

So friends, we know in times of catastrophe, of course you’ll save your kids, pets, plants, loved ones, blah, blah, blah –

But what else do you hope to save? What’s YOUR Orange Bowl or YOUR Pickle Jar Opener?

— Darcy Perdu

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(Quick! The Zombies are coming! The tornado is whipping toward your house! Flames are leaping, locusts are swarming! What do YOU grab?)

The Shitastrophy

So excited that my friend Alyson who writes the hilarious blog The Shitastrophy is posting one of my stories on her site today!  So if you pop over there to read my post, An Awkward Intercourse, please stick around to read some of Alyson’s funny posts like:

The Brazilian Wax from Hell

Top Stupid Boy Names

Check her out to see why her life is just one hilarious Shitastrophy after the next!

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If you LAUGHED -- share it TWICE!

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55 replies on “In Case of Fire, Flood, or Zombies, Which PRIZED POSSESSION Would You Save?

  1. This is a tough one.
    Probably my computer.
    Or maybe the cat. It depends if he pooped in the bedroom again that day (the cat, not the computer, I couldn’t ask for a better behaved computer).

    • Jamie, you crack me up! Glad your computer is well-behaved!

      • Confirmed. Definitely the computer, the cat has, this morning, totally shredded the bottom of the couch. F*ck that cat.

  2. I have the requisite number of grandmother’s quilts (including the first quilt I ever made WITH her when I was 12), but what I’d really grab is a lamp with a glass base filled with shells I collected on the beach as a kid. That lamp reminds me of beach vacations with my parents every time I look at it. I can’t imagine not having it nearby.
    Cassandra recently posted..Thanksgivings I Have KnownMy Profile

    • That shell-filled lamp sounds so cool! And what great memories! Definitely a keeper!

    • Hmm, good point. Maybe I can use it to whip up some delicious brain cookies for them!

    • Julie said:

      Come on! The orange bowl is clearly magic, I believe it would double nicely as an anti zombie helmet!

  3. I actually went through this process, only less dramatically last summer. A forest fire was getting fairly close to my home, and I was on the other side of the country. There was nothing I could do, so I put together a list and asked a friend to go grab a few things. It didn’t have as immediate of an effect, because there was time. The house wasn’t ACTUALLY on fire (and the firemen did eventually get it contained, so all was fine).

    My list consisted of a couple of quilts my Mom made, some jewelry, my firearms, a few childhood treasures, and a couple of books that my great-grandfather published.

    But if I was in immediate danger and had to make that split-second decision? Top three would probably be the quilt on my bed, the books, and my grandfather’s shotgun.

    I know we’re not supposed to be attached to possessions, but honestly? Some things DO matter!

    • Kristina, I love your list!
      At first it’s all sentimental and sweet — handmade quilts, great granddad’s books — and then — “oh, yeah, and grab the shotgun!!”
      And I do agree with you, some things DO matter — especially your list since they’re connected to people you love!

  4. Amanda said:

    My dad has that same tupperware bowl, also the bigger orange one as well. They are definitely perfect and irreplaceable! There are too many things I’d want to save so I’d probably just burn up in the fire trying to grab photos and Nana’s quilts.

    • Amanda, are you SERIOUS!? Your Dad ALSO has this Orange Bowl? I thought mine might be the last one on Earth since I’ve had it so long! Your Dad is obviously a discerning connoisseur of plasticware! We might need to start an Orange Bowl Fan Club! :o)

      • Amanda said:

        Yep! He sure does! I miss tupperware. It’s so sturdy and nothing comes close to being as good!

  5. Judy P said:

    The laundry basket, with the dirty laundry in it. Why? I learned from my friend whose house did catch fire and her mom ran in and out saving a few things. She said the most brilliant thing her mom grabbed was the dirty laundry basket because that is the clothes you wear all the time and love.

      • Judy P said:

        The other thing her mom grabbed up is a pile of dress shoes my friend had in her closet in box. They were piled there because they were the shoes that hurt, the ones that squeaked, etc but she could never part with them. After the house burnt that’s all she had. She said she learned her lesson not to keep things you don’t like or don’t use because someday that might be all you have left.

  6. caitlin said:

    Of course I would save the china, dogs, etc. But my irreplaceable thing would be my cricket bat. A friend brought it from England after much begging and it has a place of honor on the wall. It is the ultimate whacking tool for pinatas or smoke detectors that won’t stop beeping. I could fend off marauders or zombies for days with it.

  7. Paul said:

    Fun post, Darcy. I remember my Mum having plastic bowls the size of your Orange Bowl – except I think they were green and yellow. By the way, didn’t they name some football tournament after your bowl – the Orange Bowl?
    I have this old clock radio that I bought one day when I needed a clock for my room. It was only $9.00 and is cheap plastic. It is about 20 years old now and keeps excellent time and the radio works great. All the tags identifying the knobs and buttons have long since fallen off. It’s moved with me from home to home, been in my office, survived through thick and thin. I’ve even tried getting rid of it a few times and it keeps coming back. I’ve grown rather fond of it and might grab it if I had to bail. I know that whatever disaster happens – it will survive, so I should keep it close so I survive too. Ha! I’m sure if the building burnt down, it would remain untouched sitting proudly in the wreckage, still playing the latest tunes and advertizing the time for all who are interested…

    • That’s a hell of a clock radio! Sounds like it was made back when products were built to last! I have some items that perform well year and year and I love ’em!

  8. I’d have to burn to death. No way could I leave behind my grandmother’s antique table, my antique plates, all my photos, my laptop, my iPads, my phone, and all my chargers.
    Theresa Wiza recently posted..Talent vs. SkillMy Profile

    • Well, make sure fire sprinklers are up to date! Can’t afford to lose all of that PLUS you!
      And I love how your list contains the most antique — and the most modern — things you own! Awesome!

  9. Lizzy said:

    I think I have too many young kids to even think of myself. My very first thought was to make sure that every kid had their blanket/stuffed animal/scarf/ whatever luvie.
    Because honestly I’d be having to commit murder if I had to listen to my children cry and carry on about losing one. Truly the world would need to suffer with me.
    So yes, thumper and quilt for oldest. Bixbie and green ‘yankie’ for second. Clifford, pluto, and colored blankie for third. And 2 scarves that she calls mama (appropriately named since she stole them from me) for the youngest.

    • I love the names of your kids’ luvies! Those are adorable! And how precious that the smallest one carries your SCARVES around and calls them “mama!” So yes, by all means — save the kids and save their luvies!!

  10. I’d grab my favorite shoes. Years ago the firemen grabbed our photo albums and Sven’s guitar as our house went up in flames. I stood out in the snow in my steel toed boots because I’d just raced home from work. Those steel toed suckers were the only shoes I owned for a few days and they just don’t go with anything.

    • Oh no, so sorry to hear about your house! At least they rescued the photo albums and guitar! Hopefully there are no more disasters, but just in case, keep your favorite shoes handy!

  11. SophieS said:

    I totally know where you’re coming from, I’ve already called dibs on my mum’s popcorn bowl. It’s THE popcorn bowl. The bowl that fits a bag of popcorn perfectly, is the perfect size for making beer-batter for fritters, it’s THE bowl to have in our house. It’s survived many moves and our house wouldn’t be the same without that brown glass bowl!

    • Ah, a woman after my own heart! I totally get it, babe! Those perfect bowls are priceless!

  12. Kel P said:

    I always laugh at people with their answers to this question. I used to be the same way. I would grab my precious pictures or my computer that has everything. Well that was before 12/6/2006. Now I will tell you when you’re living in a two story house turned into an apartment and the apartment above yours goes up in flames, your computer and precious pictures are the last thing on your mind. I was 8 months pregnant and had my three other daughters. I saw smoke from my back yard window and went to investigate. I saw the upstairs apartment on fire. By the time I got back into the house, people were starting to run towards me so I started to throw my kids at them. I grabbed one child so fast by the arm I had a handful of her hair with it and just tossed. I grabbed the house phone and called 9-1-1 when they asked what the emergency was I said my house is on fire. When they asked for the address I again said my house is on fire. I then finally calmed down and gave them my address. I then tossed the house phone to a stranger. ***THIS IS WHERE THE QUESTION GETS ANSWERED. So I had my house phone and what do I go back in for. Not clothes for the babies in diapers, not shoes since I was barefoot. I went in for my cell phone to call my husband to let him know that my house was on fire.

  13. Lora in Lou-a-vul said:

    That Bowl- is a thatsabowl from Tupperware and yes it was in green. My Nana had that one- yes HAD it, I have it now. I also have the 1980’s orange one and the 90’s version white one!

    Christmas cookies are ONLY made in that bowl!

    Yes I have bowl issues.

    Love your blog – by the bowl full!

    • Ellen said:

      I had the yellow and the cranberry colored ones. Actually I’m not sure what happened to mine, but it even had the melted burn spots like Darcy’s. Hmmmm? Darcy just where did you get my bowl, I mean your bowl from?

    • Julie said:

      I have the huge white thatsabowl. I think much bigger than Darcy’s beloved orange one. My mom had the bowls that went before- like from the 60’s. I think there were 4 of them and they all fit together. There was a yellow, green, orange and blue.

  14. BAHAHAHA! PERFECT! I love this. I have strange sentimental attachments to material possessions as well. In a fire, I’d have to choose my baby blanket that is so holy and threadbare that it barely constitutes a blanket. BUT I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT!
    Sarah (est. 1975) recently posted..the big book of parenting tweets: top 12My Profile

  15. Samm said:

    This is going to sound incredibly stupid, but check etsy for your bowl and check often. I’ve seen old Tupperware on there before!

  16. Hilarious! I hope your niece scored $20 for her find. I honestly don’t know what I’d take. I’ve moved so many times and had to get rid of so much stuff that I don’t think I care about anything I have. Oh! Wait. I would take my French visa because that thing was a sonofabitch to get and if I lost it, it would be hell to get another one.

  17. I would grab my tote of all the kids baby things I think. Although my paring knife would come in a close second! Besides I would be so busy trying to get momma to put stuff down I probably wouldn’t have time and I’d be left with a picture of my little brother playing with a Barbie (at least I could probably bribe him for some quick cash)!
    Rena McDaniel recently posted..WHAT ABOUT GIVING THIS TUESDAY?My Profile

    • I totally understand the paring knife! I have a favorite knife that works way better than the others too. AND it’d be handy to fight off the zombies!

  18. OMG Darcy, I don’t know! After the kids, it would be the pugs. (Of course, I say this assuming that Kevin is getting himself out.) Probably one of my guitars so I can sing sad songs about impending doom via natural disaster or zombie invasion. And not for nothin’, the orange bowl could be used to knock a zombie out cold. One substantial blow to the skull and you’re golden.

    • Oh my good God — they have LIDS?????
      My head just exploded! This would be EXTREMELY convenient for putting half the cookie dough back in the fridge to nibble on it later!
      Chilled homemade raw cookie dough is the ULTIMATE snack!
      Can’t believe you found these, Laura!

      • You’re welcome. I was stoked when I found them.

        My husband, however, was not as excited. Because during the search I also found all the vitage tupperware I miss from my childhood and simply have to have.

        He says I need to learn the difference between “have to” and “want to”.

        I say his unwillingness to understand my (perfectly normal and rational) needs is making him slip down the list of things I save in a fire. :)

  19. I feel you, mama. I had a perfect green mug that held the same significance. Unfortunately it died an untimely death and I have mourned and been dissatisfied with its replacements every day since. RIP green mug.

  20. KMC said:

    I have the SAME bowl! I can totally relate. If it died, I would need therapy.

  21. fuchsia said:

    I have that exact same bowl!!!! (no you can’t have it cause it’s too awesome)

    • We are so lucky! It is the most AWESOMEST bowl ever!

  22. Dana said:

    My dental guard, that protects my teeth, when I grind them in my sleep.

    • At first I pictured a man dressed as a dentist standing guard by your bed, protecting your teeth from whatever calamities might befall your teeth in the middle of the night. But then I realized you meant a “dental guard” like a retainer-type device that fits over your teeth — and it suddenly made a lot more sense.

      Although, now that I think of it, I’d like to have MY type of Dental Guard stand watch over my bed at night! Ha!

  23. Darcy, My husband started reading your blog and came across this one. He told me to start reading as well & to just read a few before telling me about this one. I have little ones and kept forgetting to look it up. Every day for 2 weeks he’s asked me if I’ve started reading you yet. Every day I say, “no, what was it again?” And he says, “you’ll really like her.” and nothing else.

    Tonight he asks me again. I say no, but sit down shortly after putting our kids to bed and start reading. I’m laughing out loud sitting next to him on the couch & he asks why. So he tells me to look up this story.

    I LOVE IT! And I love that Orange Bowl! I would grab it for the same reasons. Did you know (I know you do) that the shape of the bowl was designed to match hand mixer beaters so that you never have to scrape the sides of the bowls as you’re mixing?

    Except….I wouldn’t have to grab it. Because I. Am. A. Tupperware. Lady.
    So I can get one every time it comes out…which is every couple of years. I might even have a brand new, never-before-used Orange Bowl here in my garage!

    I am happy to be your Tupperware insider!

    • Alyssa – omigoooooooooood! I feel like I just met my own crack dealer – and my crack is that orange bowl! If they make that bowl again — or if you find one in your garage that’s hermetically sealed and never touched by human hands, I will gladly buy it! My orange bowl would love a companion! But it must be EXACTLY like my current orange bowl! You know us Tupperware purists — we’re fanatical! Ha!

      And PS, I’m so glad your husband enjoys my blog and that it brought you some good laughs too! That’s so cool!

  24. Kelly said:

    I would have grabbed my husband’s urn. I had a fire last year. It started in my bedroom. My husband’s urn was in there. I would have gotten it out if I could have. Realized the next day that it broke open – the ashes were in a nice neat little pile. The fire lieutenant said that it was a higher power that they were not lost in the fire.

    • Sorry to hear about the fire, but that’s amazing about your husband’s urn – and how nice what the fire lieutenant said about the higher power looking out for you in regard to your husband’s ashes.

  25. Shari said:

    Toilet Paper. I can live without almost everything else, but no TP? The horror!

    • Practical and brilliant. I shall befriend you during the Zombie Apocalypse. I’ll need practical and brilliant people on my team!