So then…he says, “Listen, I have bad news.”
“What kind of bad news, Sam?” I ask the broker on the phone. “Your client’s scheduled to move into one of our office buildings next week. He’s already signed the 7-year lease, so he can’t try to renegotiate terms now.”
“Well, no, it’s not the terms. It’s my client. Philip told me this morning that his company can’t lease your building,” the broker says.
“What? Why?” I ask.
“Well, the FTC shut him down, seized his documents, and froze his assets for allegedly advertising fraudulent government grant programs,” he explains.
“Are you kidding me, Sam? You’re his broker. You vouched for him. You gave us references who vouched for him. We’ve already paid your commission out of his deposit – but now we lost this tenant and have to start over looking for a new one? How could you not know he’s running an illegal operation?” I ask.
“Oh, he’s totally innocent,” says Sam. “But you know the FTC – if they can’t find evidence against ya, they’ll just falsify documents to prove you guilty.”
(Oh, yeah, I did hear that about the FTC – in Communist Russia — in the 50’s! Not. Since when does the Federal Trade Commisson have a reputation for framing businesspeople?)
If I ever get arrested, that’s what I’m going to say: “Oh, I’m totally innocent — but you know the cops, if they can’t find evidence on ya, they’ll just plant it.”
(Hmmmm. Well, actually, that defense DOES work. As long as you’re a celebrity.)
— Darcy Perdu
(Anyone try to give you a lame excuse to get out of a deal? Ever been accused of fraud by the FTC — or Russian Communists? Ever planted evidence on someone – like a sibling, perhaps!? Post a comment!)