Hungover in WHOSE Heels?

Hungover in WHOSE Heels?  #funny  #travel #flight #Boston #heels

So then…just as I settle in to sip my soda at 20,000 feet — I hear the passenger behind me ask the flight attendant, “What’s the weather like in Boston?”

WHAT THE HELL?

This flight’s going to Washington DC!

She says, “Oh, it’s nice in Boston tonight. A little cool.”

I pop up and tap her on the shoulder. “Um, where did you say this plane was going?”

“Boston,” she replies.

“No, Washington DC,” I say slowly.

“Noooo. Boston,” she says.

We stare at each other.

One of us is wrong.

And it’s possible the one who’s correct about where the airplane is going is the airplane employee.

Ah, dammit!

To be candid, I hadn’t wanted to go on this stupid business trip anyway. I love my New York job but what 24-year-old wants to cut their weekend short to fly to DC for a Monday morning conference?  Not me!

“I thought I was on the plane to DC?” I say hopefully. Maybe the pilot can make a U-turn?

Um no.

“Sorry,” she says. “We’re headed to Boston. But let’s see what we can do.”

Angel that she is, she radios down to the airline supervisor who hooks me up with a free flight to DC first thing tomorrow – and a free hotel room in Boston tonight!

SCORE! I’m thrilled I don’t have to pay for it myself — or miss the conference — or admit my blunder to my boss.

When I unpack my overnight bag in the hotel, I realize I brought my business suit, blouse, stockings – and NO SHOES!

I only have the sneakers I wore on the flight tonight!

I can’t possibly attend a professional business conference in a suit, stockings, and SNEAKERS! And of course they don’t sell high heels in the hotel gift shop! And certainly not in a size 10! (Yes, I have feet the size of surfboards!)

Brainstorm!

“Hello, Kim? Guess which of your favorite cousins just landed in Boston and desperately needs to borrow a pair of your size 10 heels? I’ll buy you massive amounts of cocktails in exchange for borrowing your shoes!”

So my big-hearted (and big-footed) cousin Kim drives over to the hotel and dumps 7 pairs of heels on my hotel bed! We pick a pair, then head to the lobby bar for libations.

We laugh, talk, cackle, eat, drink — and drink some more — and finally stumble back up to the room in the wee hours of the morning.

The next day, my head’s splitting as I slip on her shoes, hug her goodbye, and dash off to the airport for my early morning flight.

An hour later, I land in DC – hungover in borrowed heels.

I suffer through the conference – taking a few notes to share with my boss later.

Then I zip back to NY, so relieved that no one need know about my slight detour.

A week later, I receive a note from the accounting department saying, “Your receipts included an airline ticket stub from NY to Boston – and from DC to NY. Please advise how you got from Boston to DC.”

Ah dammit.

I wonder if I can say, “Hey, dudes, chill. It didn’t cost the company any extra money – and just never you mind how I got from Boston to DC. Just be cool, accountants, be cool.”

Probably not.

I figure I’d better “advise” my boss before I “advise” the accounting department.

I’m mortified, of course. At 24, I want to appear professional, well-prepared, and competent.

I hesitantly confess.

My boss bursts out laughing. “You got on the WRONG plane?”

She hops up and pokes her head out the door to yell: “Did you hear that? Darcy got on the wrong plane! She was supposed to go to DC but she went to BOSTON! Bwahahaha!”

My coworkers pop up from their cubicles to cheer, clap, and laugh.

I hang my head on the Walk of Shame back to my cubicle.

Henceforth, I’m mocked mercilessly whenever I go somewhere:
“Have a great trip to Denver, Darcy – or where ever you end up.”
“Need a map to your apartment?”
“Can I help you find the bathroom?”

And THAT’S how I earned the nickname, “Wrong Way Darcy!”

— Darcy Perdu

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(Ever end up in the wrong place? Take the wrong road – get lost – hop on the wrong plane/train/bus/boat? Any other delicate flowers out there with Sasquatch-size feet?)

Hungover Letter to President

Hungover Letter FROM President

Although I’m mercilessly mocked for my wayward ways, I have the good Southern manners to write a thank you note to the President of Eastern Airlines (as shown here).

I share the story of the free flight and hotel room, then write, “I was delighted with the kindness and concern of your employees. I salute your generosity and understanding. Should I ever wander on to the wrong plane again – I hope it’s one of yours!”

Yep, these are actual excerpts between me and the President of Eastern Airlines over the airplane snafu!

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50 replies on “Hungover in WHOSE Heels?

  1. This one is hilarious. The best part? That you know your cousin’s shoe size. I don’t think I know a shoe size other than my own. As far as my consciousness is concerned, other people don’t even own feet.

    I’ve never hopped on a plane to the wrong place, but if it makes you feel any better I have woken up from a night-long blackout six-hundred miles from home. Another reason I quit drinking.

    • 600 miles from home? Yikes!
      As for knowing my cousin’s shoe size, when you’re rockin’ a Ladies Size 10, you quickly bond with other “well-endowed” women! Ha!

  2. Julie said:

    OMG. I can only imagine the feeling! Boston?? whaaaa??? How did they let you on the wrong plane? Perhaps this could work to your advantage? What do you mean this flight is going to Maui?? I thought we were going to Detroit? You’re gonna have to comp me a room for 10 days and 9 nights…

    • Julie, that’s brilliant! I’m gonna try that immediately!!

  3. What a fabulous story. How does that even happen these days? I would figure they would bar you at the door when they tried to scan your ticket.

    If you ever need to borrow a pair of size 10s in the Boston area again, feel free to call on me!
    Cassandra recently posted..Is The Panic Attack Going To Be On The Exam?My Profile

    • This was before scanning — and this particular airline had a program where you actually paid for your ticket while you were ON the airplane! Almost like a train — you just hop on and pay on board! Of course, if you happen to hop on the WRONG plane — like me — then OOOPS!
      And THANK YOU for the offer of the size 10’s if I’m near Boston again — I never know when I might need to borrow heels! As you now know, I have a fabulous cocktails-for-shoes exchange program! Ha!

  4. One time, for a primary school trip to our country’s sister isle, I didn’t get on the wrong plane per se. I missed it altogether (my dad dropped me off late). I had to endure the, “I could just imagine you running down the runway, chasing the plane,” from the guys in my class for some time after that.

    Joke’s on them, though. While they were touring local landmarks, my dad didn’t come back for me until well into the afternoon so I spent the day with the (very, VERY hot) stewardesses, who all thought I was just so cute. All-in-all, I had a pretty good day, myself.
    Vinny C recently posted..Also In The News… The Case Of The Twice-Sold Baby.My Profile

    • What a cool story, Vinny! I bet those flight attendants lavished you with attention! Not a bad way to spend a day!

    • Omigosh, yes! Can you imagine? I was so lucky I was en route to a nearby city so I could hastily correct my mistake first thing in the morning. But if I’d accidentally hopped aboard a plane bound for Nebraska or cross-country to Oregon — YIKES!

  5. Jennifer said:

    The free ticket Boston to DC – it’s probably why they are out of business lol! Or at a minimum why they don’t offer free libations ;)

    • Ha! Good point! And it’s a real shame, because I think ALL airline travel is made much more tolerable with free libations!

  6. I have to commend you for being able to remember someone with your shoe size. I would have been looking up on Pinterest how to make high heels from common hotel items.
    Laura A. Lord recently posted..HomeMy Profile

    • Wow, sounds like you’re directionally-challenged — or day-drinking! Ha!

  7. When I read your blog, I am grateful for you for sharing you embarrassing stories so that I may face the day knowing that my life is a little bit better off than yours used to be. ;-P
    And I think you could have totally pulled off the Paula Poundstone look in your suit and sneakers.
    Cary Vaughn recently posted..Random Reason #34My Profile

    • Yes! We’d all wear our sneakers with our business suits when we walked to work in Manhattan, but we’d instantly change into heels as soon as we hit our Park Avenue buildings. God forbid we actually wear sneakers INSIDE the corporate office – oh the horror!

  8. AinOakPark said:

    As a very INfrequent flyer, this is the sort of thing I fear. I am gleefully happy, though, to point my finger and laugh at your discomfort! You did rock your responses, though, as you got to where you needed to go, got there without added cost and were able to borrow shoes on top of that (SCORE!). Plus you showed real class in how you handled it (I am ignoring the hungover part) by showing thankfulness.

    I once had a mega snafu which caused me to miss my flight, spend the next day at the Federal Building (where someone told me, “We’ll be discussing you at the dinner table tonight.” and where another federal worker called out, “Hey, (Joe), come over here and listen to this!”) getting an emergency passport, and at the DMV replacing my driver’s license. I did make my re-scheduled flight, and the second time around I ended up with the original counter clerk, who was nice enough to up-grade me to Business Class because I didn’t yell at her when she told me the bad news the day before. Karma, I guess. By the time I got to Germany, though, I had to stand for 45 minutes before my connecting flight. I knew if I sat down that I would fall asleep and miss that flight, and I didn’t want to have to admit that on top of everything else. Oh, and FYI – I was the THIRTEENTH (last) person to arrive for our tour.

    • Holy Canoli — that’s quite a snafu! It’s amazing you were able to get an emergency passport and new driver’s license in time to make a flight the next day! And how awesome that clerk upgraded you to Business Class! Good karma, indeed! Way to go!

    • There’s still time, Kelly, there’s still time. :o)

    • Thanks, Liv! I went from panic to relief to panic again when I had to tell my boss! Glad she’s got a great sense of humor!

    • Ha! Yes, a raise for my resourcefulness would’ve been a great idea! Maybe I should audition for “The Amazing Race!” :o)

  9. LOL Wrong Way Darcy!! That is such an awesome nickname :) Love the actual proof of the letters at the end, very cool! It’s nice of him to have written or have sent anything really (it was probably his secretary :)). At least it all worked out okay, it was very nice of them to have arranged your flight to DC and a hotel for the evening. Saweet! Happy Hump Day Darcy! -Iva
    AwesomelyOZ recently posted..GTFO: World Cup 2014 Biggest BabiesMy Profile

  10. Paul said:

    Ha! Darcy that is hilarious! When you mentioned “The Walk of Shame” it brought back memories of my fuel hauling time. One of the terminals I hauled from was Petro-Can in Toronto. It is the largest fuel loading terminal in Eastern Canada owned by the largest petroleum company and was hooked by pipeline to a nearby refinery. They loaded literally hundreds of tanker trucks per 24 hr period with 12 loading racks. Each rack had 4-8 loading arms with between 2 and 20 of the hundreds of different products. Drivers chose which rack they wanted and loaded themselves after hooking up and signing into the loading computer. That sounds complex and it is. When you were new to the facility, even equipped with a loading plan, it was common to choose the wrong rack and have to drive around, get back in line and choose another rack. So, the mark of the professional was to pull in, choose the right rack, load, and leave. Anything less than that was subject to merciless teasing from other drivers.

    The facility had built in security in case of explosion or fire. It tracked each driver in real time as you swiped into the facility, chose a rack, swiped into the rack, loaded, swiped back out of the rack, etc. and eventually swiped back out of the facility. To prevent one driver from loading multiple trucks (a trick used by companies when they didn’t have enough registered drivers) and to discourage drivers from guessing, the control computer would only allow one entrance into a loading rack with each entrance to the facility. So, if a driver chose the wrong rack, he had to leave the facility and card back in. The computer would allow any number of these in/outs but it was all recorded on a driver’s profile. This became a serious problem with new drivers, etc so they installed a “man-gate” directly across from the loading racks. The racks are all in a line with about 80 yards of empty maneuvering space ahead and then the perimeter fence and the facing control building. Changing racks now meant leaving the rack, getting back line and then walking across the intervening space with your reflective and fireproof equipment drawing attention, card out through the man-gate, close the gate, card back in through the man-gate and reenter the facility and then walk back across the empty 80 yards in full sight of all the other drivers (including those waiting in line) and the control room operators. All this while drawing the hoots and waves and smirks of any and all observers. It became known as “The Walk of Shame”. And it provided untold amusement for the experienced drivers. The computer system was deliberately set up this way in order to reduce the number of errors by treating offending drivers with the shame of their colleagues. And it worked; you learned fast and asked lots of questions of more experienced drivers.

    • Yowza! I’d die of embarrassment on a Walk of Shame like that past all those tanker truck drivers! I’d rather traipse through Church on Sunday morning in my Saturday night outfit, holding my heels and hiding my “bed-head!”

  11. I don’t know if this is a more happy ending FANTASTIC CUSTOMER SERVICE post, or a hilarious “alls well that ends well” post. Well both. Too funny! You may not have the best sense of direction, but you have great relatives and good luck!
    Joy Christi recently posted..Zombie Apocalypse or Family Vacation?My Profile

    • Thanks, Joy — I DO have great relatives! And thank goodness I only forgot my SHOES! Imagine if I’d forgotten my bra and panties — now THAT’S an awkward phone call! Ha!

    • Thanks, Angela, glad to provide some chuckles for my wayward ways! :o)

  12. You are so funny Darcy: ) I’m always lost, so taking the wrong turn and ending up in Timbuktu or the wrong church is normal to me. I just have to plan ahead and take extra money for gas and food. But I have to say, I’ve never had your shoe issue.

    • Millie, good advice! I’m going to start packing extra cash and food in my enormous shoes in case I get lost again!

  13. Connie Conehead said:

    I remember your telling us this story on one of your trips back home & you had us doubled over with laughter! I remember thinking “Wow, she really leads a charmed life if she not only had a cousin in Boston, but one who wore the same shoe size, too!” I seem to remember your saying they were brown shoes. Why do I remember the color? I scare myself sometimes…

    • Ha! I can’t believe you remember the color! That’s awesome!
      And yes, I’m lucky my cousin and I are both similarly-afflicted…um…similarly-BLESSED with our big honking feet!

    • Right, Suzanne? It was totally my fault for wandering onto the wrong plane but they kindly offered the hotel and flight. I was overjoyed! And thanks to my cousin, I didn’t have to attend the conference in a suit and sneakers! Huzzah!

  14. Ha, oh my gosh this feels like something that would happen to me. I’ve definitely gotten on the wrong bus… probably more than I even realize.

    These words were delicious: “lobby bar for libations.”

    Luba luba luba.

  15. This type of thing has never happened to me on a plane, but when we moved to NJ, there were so many different train lines I did get on the wrong train and end up in the wrong city many times. Then you have to wait for a train to the right city, then wait again for the train you were supposed to take in the first place!

    Oh, and did I tell you that I have a friend who got married one July 4th at the Statue of Liberty? I boarded the ferry and got so excited as the statue got closer and closer … then farther and farther away. I had gotten on the frigging Staten Island ferry. By the time I caught a ferry back to the city, all the tickets to Lady Liberty were sold out for the day. I missed my friend’s wedding.

    But you know? It’s nice to know these things don’t only happen to me!
    Parri Sontag (Her Royal Thighness) recently posted..Podunk, Podunk, A Hell of a Town!My Profile

  16. Arionis said:

    This reminds me of the time a new guy was suppose to report to our ship which was docked in Portland. He bought a ticket and flew to Portland. Only problem? We were in Portland, Maine and he flew to Portland, Oregon. He couldn’t understand why there was no one there to meet him. When he finally managed to make it all the way back across the country he was mocked mercilessly for some time. So you have some kindred spirits out there! :) P.S. It wasn’t me, I swear!

    • Ha! I’ve found my kindred spirit! Sounds like “new guy” and I would be great travelling companions! Actually, I’d love to pull this move if my job ever had to send me to Paris, Texas. I’d book a flight to Paris, France and feign complete ignorance? “What? Huh? Oh, you meant Paris, TEXAS? Drat! I’m in France — as soon as I do some sightseeing and crepe-eating, I’ll be right back!”

      • Arionis said:

        Good plan! Although when you finally made it back they’d probably make you stay at the Eiffel Towers. Which I hear is not the most luxurious hotel in Paris, TX.