Her Bizarre Question about Makin’ Babies

Her ONLY Question about Makin' Babies  #funny #birdsand bees #kids #parenting #sextalk

So then…she says “huh” and looks a bit perplexed. We’re sitting on the couch, surrounded by big comfortable cushions.

We’ve just concluded “the talk.”

My daughter is young still, so this is not “THE TALK” with all the details and warnings and science.

This is just “the talk” with a very basic overview of how babies are made.

She’s been hounding me for weeks to tell her about S-E-X and I’ve successfully distracted her until now. So we plop on the couch and I give her a very non-threatening, easy-to-understand, BASIC overview.

“Remember there are no stupid questions. Ask whatever you want,” I say reassuringly.

Chloe thinks a minute. She’s just learned quite a bit of information. I can tell she wants to ask something but she’s shy about it.

“Come on, honey. No question is too strange. I promise I won’t laugh, no matter what.”

She concentrates a little more.

Then she asks, “Can pregnant women swim?”

I snort.

“Mom!”

OK, not technically a laugh, but still not the reaction she was expecting.

And certainly not the question I was expecting! Out of all the stuff I told her, this is what she wants to know? “Can pregnant women swim?”

Has she not been to a public pool? Has she not seen pregnant women swimming? And why wouldn’t they be able to, anyway? The baby’s not gonna float away!

I compose myself and say casually, “Yes, honey, pregnant women can swim. Pregnant women can do just about anything regular women can do.”

She asks, “Is there anything pregnant women can’t do?”

I think hard, but nothing comes to mind. She looks at me expectantly. Finally I say:

“Well, you can’t get pregnant again while you’re pregnant – so that’s something.”

She nods sagely – satisfied she now knows everything there is to know about sex.

God help us all.

— Darcy Perdu

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(Any funny stories when you tried to explain the hibbity-jibbity to your kids? Or when someone explained it to you? Any odd misconceptions you had about this topic when you were younger?)

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22 replies on “Her Bizarre Question about Makin’ Babies

  1. The actual “where babies come from talks” were pretty benign and happened mostly when the kids were in the backseat of the car. The fun questions, like what is a, um, Balloon Juice, came closer to age 11 or 12. The best reaction ever was in response to what that was. Eldest yelled, “Eeew! Why would anyone want to do THAT!” I told her I would share that information at a later date.

  2. That sounds like something I would have asked because I would have been afraid the baby would drown or something. Tell her pregnant women can’t snow ski, ride horses, eat blue cheese, drink alcohol, smoke, fly after the third trimester begins, show off their six pack, or hang upside down from a trapeze. Hope this helps!!

  3. Weeeelll…they can drink alcohol, but they really should not.
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  4. Judy said:

    Now see, you’ve misled her. The proper answer is pregnant ladies can swim only if they knew how to swim before becoming pregnant! And can I say this is a much better lesson for a young child than the one my mom gave me, which involved her opening her robe to reveal her sagging body and pubic mound and saying, “This is what having kids will do to you!!!!” GAK! I’m *still* traumatized by that.

    • Ha! Good point, Judy! I guess they WOULD have to know how to swim in the first place!

  5. I think I told you my story of gathering up library books to explain to my five year old boy what a condom was used for after he saw a Geraldo Rivera TV special on safe sex. My son walked in on my wife while she was watching TV right at the moment a man on the show demonstrated the strength of a condom by pulling it over his head and nose and exhaling through his nose until the thing blew up like a balloon and flew off the guy’s head and whirled all over the room. My wife told our son that I would tell him all about it as soon as I came home. So then…. I read all the little kiddie books I could find about sex and making babies and spent a couple of hours going over the material with him. I showed him a condom I had in my pocket. He looked at me a long minute and then said, “Can you pull it over your head and blow it up with air from your nose? I don’t remember exactly what I replied to him but I do remember that “Hell No,” was part of it.

  6. Pregnant women can’t ride roller coasters either! Yes, I know you were taken by surprise. But in case you’re working on a list with all of our helpful suggestions, there you go!

  7. Steve J said:

    Coincidentally, I received this email today from my daughter who shared the converstation she had when she was explaining knee surgery to her 5-year old daughter (Kaitlyn). My daughter is shown below as “Me.”

    Kaitlyn: What is surgery?

    Me: It’s when they go in and fix something that’s broken or not working.

    Kaitlyn: Do they have to cut her knee?

    Me: Yes, but it’s a very small cut.

    Kaitlyn: Does it hurt?

    Me: No. It’s like when I had you – they give you medicine so that you can’t feel a thing.

    Kaitlyn: Like when they took us out of your tummy?

    Me: Yes, like that.

    Kaitlyn: Are there other ways you can get a baby out of you?

    Me: Um … (REVERSE COURSE!! ABORT!! ABORT!!) … yes, there are.

    Kaitlyn: How?

    Me: I’ll tell you when you’re older.

  8. I attempted to have THE TALK with my 6th grader one day after a friend mentioned her kids said everyone was talking about it at school. So I asked very calmly and nonchalantly if he knew how babies were made. He looked at me like I was nuts and said, “Yeah, and if you don’t, then I am NOT going to be the one to explain it to you.” End of conversation.
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  9. ahorn said:

    Actually, I had a friend who could have gotten pregnant whilst already pregnant. She had two uteruses (uteri?) and two sets of ovaries, two vajajays…the whole bit! All the bits! Had to have one set removed after the first pregnancy (when they were discovered) because the doc said it would be uber-bad to be pregnant with two babies of different gestational ages, for obvious reasons.

      • Beth said:

        I had a classmate in Jr Hi/High School who had 2 sets, and after I found out she had 2 cycles as well, I felt terrible for her! Since this girl had 2 cycles, I’m wondering why ahorn’s friend didn’t know before getting pregnant…esp if the Dr thought both sets were viable enough to get pregnant. Inquiring minds would love to know, I’m not just being snarky.

  10. Allyson Wonderland said:

    When my son was about 10, he saw a vending machine in a truck stop bathroom, so he asked me what a condom was. We decided it was time to start the talk process. We bought him an age-appropriate book (one of those “Your body will be changing soon” kind of things). We told him to read it and then come talk to us. We said he needed to ask 3 questions so we could really talk.

    His first question? “Why were they flavored?”

  11. Ha!! I recently had “the talk” with my daughter, too. She saw a news story about Fifty Shades of Grey and wanted to know what the book was about!!! When I asked, “Do you know what sex is?” She said yes because she had heard all about it from her friends – she’s in 5th grade!!!! We had a little talk, so I could make sure she knew the actual truth. Stupid Book & Stupid 5th graders!!!!!

  12. Melanie said:

    For some unknown reason, my mother tried to explain to my 4 and 5 year olds what a C-section is. When they came to me with bewildered expressions and follow-up questions I gave them my stock response. “Are you a doctor?” “No” “Well, it’s doctor business, and until you’re a doctor you don’t need to worry about it.” “Ok. Can we watch tv?” Problem solved without traumatizing the small brains.

    • I LOVE that response! I’m going to start using that from now on. For EVERYTHING.
      If someone asks me: Hey, did you eat the last cookie? — I’ll say: Are you a doctor? That’s doctor business. Until you’re a doctor, you don’t need to worry about it! :o)

  13. Pingback: Priceless Mom Moments: Mortified – in Public – in CHURCH | Cloudy, With a Chance of Wine

  14. Tessa said:

    On the way home from a doctor appointment with my smaller one (4 years old), she suddenly wanted to talk about how the doctor took her from my tummy.

    LO: how did they take me out?
    Me: they cut my belly and took you out then sewed the cut closed.
    LO: So they cut you twice! Once to put me in then when I was bigger, again to take me out!
    Me: no baby. The doctors didn’t put you in my belly.
    LO: then who did?
    Me: your daddy put you in my belly.
    LO: Did he use a knife?
    Me: no baby he didn’t.
    LO: then what did he use to put me in your belly?
    Me: … hey we haven’t heard this song in Forever! *turns up radio and starts singing loudly*

    • Bwahahaha! Oh man, you walked right into that one! Your 4 year old’s very logical — she painted you into a corner super quick!
      Thank God for the radio! Ha!