So then…my high school freshman Tucker excitedly hops on the bus with his bassoon.
He smiles broadly, joining the rest of the school’s concert band on their way to the airport.
It’s his first time taking a trip on his own without our family.
They’re flying from L.A. for a week in NEW YORK CITY!
As he takes his seat on the bus, I throw myself to the ground, writhing and moaning – clutching rosary beads and amulets to my chest — chanting spells, praying invocations – waving my talisman and lucky charms in the air – begging the gods to watch over my first-born as he zips 3000 miles away.
Or at least that’s how it feels.
I console myself with the knowledge that today’s amazing technology allows me to stay in constant touch with the fruit of my womb.
He never goes anywhere without his cell phone — so I’ll just call him to ensure he’s OK, having fun, and remembering to wear underwear.
The transcript from our calls:
Me: Hi honey! How are—
T, whispering: Can’t talk – we’re entering Lincoln Center for a class.
Me: Hey, how—
T, whispering: We’re just about to go into the Broadway show.
Me: How’s it go—
T, whispering: We’re eating dinner, then we’re performing. Gotta go.
OH MY GOD!
So I haul my ass over to the computer, study their itinerary backwards and forwards, and plan my phone call for EXACTLY the perfect time:
Me: Hello! How are—
T, whispering: Can’t talk. We’re on the bus.
Me: I KNOW you’re on the bus! That’s why I called you right now!
You’re IN BETWEEN activities! So we can talk now!
T, whispering: But we’re on the bus. Doing…bus things. I can’t talk NOW.
Bus things? What are bus things?
I’m starting to think my kid’s avoiding me.
Is he interviewing new families on the East Coast? Is he enrolling in school out there?
Will I EVER get my baby back?
Now to be fair, he does occasionally text.
I’ll text something like “Are you having fun?”
And he’ll text “Yeah!”
Then I’ll text “What are you guys doing today?”
And he’ll text “Stuff!”
Maybe he’s been kidnapped. And his captors don’t speak English well. So they can only text one word answers.
I consider texting, “Have you been kidnapped?”
But he’d just text back “Nah” — (and that’s EXACTLY what kidnappers would say!)
I’m about to speed dial a private eye, psychic, and a witch doctor, but then I realize Tucker’s probably just having such a blast, he doesn’t have the time or inclination for chitter-chatter.
But I’m also wondering if it’s a BOY thing. Because when my daughter goes on a trip, she can’t wait to tell me every detail – even if I have to insult a neighbor to hear it!
Finally the day of pick-up arrives!
As families mill about the school parking lot waiting for the airport shuttle, David (Tucker’s dad) asks other parents if their kids stayed in touch during the trip.
The parents laugh and start complaining about the same lack of communication.
One dad says, “My kid was gone a whole week. I only got two calls – and one of those was a BUTT-DIAL!”
— Darcy Perdu
If you enjoyed this post, receive NEW funny posts by subscribing HERE!
(So is this a BOY thing? Or a TEEN thing? Or a I’m-Having-Too-Much-Fun-Quit-BUGGIN’-Me-Mom thing?)