Embarrassing Mom Fail at the Book Club Meeting

Embarrassing Mom Fail at the Book Club Meeting
So then…I say sweetly into the phone, “Of course, no problem, Ashley — I completely understand.”

I hang up and scowl at the phone. (No, I do not understand, Ashley. How could you forget you have a Chem test tomorrow? Didn’t you know this when you agreed to babysit tonight? And where are your priorities anyway, Ashley? What’s more important – your academic career – or me getting my drink on with the Book Club girls? Sigh. I swear – the youth of today.)

I call out to Chloe, age 9, in the other room. “Honey, Ashley can’t babysit so I’ll skip Book Club tonight.”

She pokes her head around the corner and says, “But you like Book Club.”

She’s right – I do. I think many of us enjoy a night out with the gals for some laughs.

My older sister had a Stitch & Bitch group that got together to crochet and gossip. My younger sister belongs to a Bunco group that gathers to play cards and enjoy a few boatload of cocktails.

(The other day my hair stylist told me her customer attends a Switch & Bitch group. “What the hell is that?” I asked. She said, “It’s when women get together and switch their accessories, purses, and clothes rather than buy new things.” I said, “Oh when you said ‘switch,’ I thought you meant ‘swap’ — like a wife-swapping club! But I guess that’d be Switch THE Bitch.”)

Anyway, I tell Chloe that I don’t want to leave her home alone while I go to our neighborhood clubhouse for the Book Club meeting.

“I’ll just come with you!” she says.

“Noooo,” I say, “It’s just for adults.”

“Why?”

“Oh, we talk about…um…lady things.”

“But I’m a lady too!” she says.

“Yes, but a 9-year-old lady,” I reply. “Besides, you haven’t had dinner yet. Ashley was going to give you dinner and now there’s no time before the meeting.”

“Come on, Mom, I’ll just grab something to eat – and I can read my own book on the other side of the room. You won’t even know I’m there.” She smiles brightly.

“Welllll, OK.”

So we run around the house, grab our stuff, and drive up to the clubhouse. I figure it won’t be so bad if she eats a snack now, then I can feed her something more substantial when we get home.

I set her up at a chair and table on the other side of the big main room in our clubhouse, right in my eyesight.

The ladies and I gather with our refreshments at the couches and chairs at the other end, just out of earshot. One of the members brought sodas and wine; another brought a cheese tray and cupcakes.

Just as we start discussing the book, I hear a “pop-hissssss.” I look over to Chloe who is sitting there reading Harry Potter – while eating cold corn — OUT OF A CAN.

I repeat — eating cold corn — OUT OF A CAN.

With a spoon.

Happy as a clam.

So she didn’t grab an energy bar, or a small bag of chips, or even an apple.

She grabbed a can of corn with the pop top – and a spoon – and dug in.

She looks like a little hobo on a Depression-era train.

And for some reason, it freaks me out.

I don’t USUALLY worry about what other people will think – but NOW all I CAN think about is “What will the other Book Club ladies think when they see my daughter eating COLD corn out of a can? Am I the worst mother ever? Making my daughter come with me, just so I can enjoy some social interaction – and making her eat cold canned goods because I can’t even fix a proper meal for her?”

So I do what every other sane mother would do. I call out to her and say, “Chloe! Put down that cold corn and come over here and have a cupcake!”

— Darcy Perdu

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(Do your kids have an unnatural affinity for vegetables? As a preschooler, Chloe told me she loves broccoli so much she wants to marry it. What snack would your kid have grabbed? Would you have been embarrassed if your kid was chowin’ down on cold canned corn – or am I just weird that way? Do you belong to any fun women’s groups, book clubs, or swappin’ and switchin’ groups?)
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48 replies on “Embarrassing Mom Fail at the Book Club Meeting

    • Actually, that would probably make a great reality show…

  1. Oh, that’s great. And I’m glad I’m not alone. My son – now 20 – wanted to marry frozen Brussels sprouts. Well, that was probably my fault, considering I got him hooked on them when he teethed. Yep, I’m THAT mother. To this day, he’d opt for a bag of frozen veggies as opposed to almost anything sweet. I say “almost” because he has an unnatural affinity for pop tarts…oh, and chocolate covered pretzels. But I think that’s just ‘cuz he’s weird…with the pop tarts, not the pretzels.

    Have you had those? Hell, I’d marry chocolate covered pretzels.

    And this is probably why I’m not invited to join book clubs anymore lol *sigh*

    • Ha! You’d fit right in at our Book Club — we love those types of treats!
      And that is WILD that your son liked brussel sprouts! Very impressive!
      I’m not sure pop-tarts count as an actual food — I think it’s mostly sugar-flavored cardboard — but we ate them daily for breakfast when I was a kid!

  2. Bwahahahahaha. I totally lost it with “She looks like a little hobo on a Depression-era train” SO funny!! I think the fact that she chose a veggie over potato chips for a snack is awesome. But any mom who INSISTS their kid has a cupcake…well, that’s MOM OF THE CENTURY material right there. You are her favorite for sure!! Love it!! –Lisa

    • thanks, Lisa, I still can’t believe I was so embarrassed about the can of corn that I thought a cupcake would somehow be a better choice!

    • I suppose all you “can-eaters” will do well during the zombie apocalypse.
      I’ll be the one wandering around mumbling things like, “excuse me, could I get some grilled salmon please? a little teriyaki glaze on top? fresh veggies, lightly steamed? hello? anyone there? why are you people moaning and lurching toward me?”

  3. Oh I love it! I am not alone! My daughter prefers frozen vegetables- peas, lima beans, corn- over all else. She would have been right there with your daughter, bag of frozen corn defrosting and she snacked away. Love it!
    My Special Kind of Crazy recently posted..A Few Of My Favorite (Kid) Things!My Profile

    • that’s hilarious! even Lima Beans? that’s hardcore, baby! :o)

  4. Dying laughing over here! When I first met my husband, he lived in a one room efficiency apt. and dined frequently on…..you guessed it–COLD CORN OUT OF THE CAN! I thought that was repulsive but to this day he still likes to eat the corn cold like that. I’m with you—I’d go for the cupcake any day.

    • that’s so funny your hubby ate that when he was single! if he was used to that, then ANY cooking you did for him was probably considered a step up!

      my cooking skills are so poor, I NEED that kind of a measuring stick. “Sure it’s burnt and the sauce is sketchy — but hey, it’s better than cold corn in a CAN, right?”

  5. Alex said:

    Darcy, you crack me up every time! What an awesome mum you are, and what a cool kid you have. My kids would have grabbed the unimaginative packet of biscuits any day (and so would I). I prefer eating from jars to eating from tins, except for sweetened condensed milk. There’s nothing quite like peanut butter or Nutella straight from the jar. And my mum had a HUGE wholesale tin of peanut butter in the cellar… I think it was like 20 kg. I guess that sorta spoiled me, but thankfully I ate so much of it I got sick and didn’t eat it for years after that. Never, ever, would I choose tinned veg.

    • I’m with ya — peanut butter or Nutella straight from the jar would be awesome! tinned veg? ack!

  6. Lol just put the corn in a bowl or a cup!!! Then she can have a cupcake :) I just joined a Meetup group of females because after sometime you realize your female friends don’t do squat and I need to interact with females before I become a dude from living with them. :) Have a great one Darcy! -Iva

    • hey the Meetup group sounds great — I’ve heard of some around here too that have special interests, i.e. writers etc — looks interesting!

  7. William Kendall said:

    A hobo on a depression era train? I can just picture her!

    • she had a little corn cob pipe and a 5 o’clock shadow…

    • Phil, I figured you for too much of a connoisseur to eat cold canned goods! :o)

  8. I just started going to a book club. I like cold corn in a can and my kids are just weirder than I am. Not that I would bring cold corn in a can to book club. Or my kids. Not that they would want to go anyway. They’re too old now. *sigh* Where was I going with this?
    Marie Boomer recently posted..99 – BeautyMy Profile

    • ha! Your comment made me imagine the dozen ladies in my book club sitting in the big circle, each with their own little cans of corn and spoons! Too funny!

  9. Leah said:

    This is awesome! As a child I LOVED cold green beans straight from the can, and I turned out semi ok. My friends and I have a “Garden Club”, there is absolutely no gardening involved though, which is a good thing since I don’t do dirt. We mostly drink and go out for grown up meals and drink. Did I mention we drink?

    • ha! I want to join your Garden Club! I don’t do dirt either, but I definitely do drinks!

  10. This is my life. Every word of it. I must say I had no idea canned corn came with a pop top. So clever. Must add one to the earthquake kit. My two used to bring along left over edamame (soy beans) on outings. So attractive when they’d rip open the bean pod and inhale the beans. I know we entertained onlookers by the dozens. “Oh dear. Those poor children are being forced to eat healthy all the time,”
    Kelly McKenzie recently posted..Christmas Buche de NoelMy Profile

    • My kids love edamame too! And garlic snap pea pods! count our blessings they eat something besides fries! :o)

  11. Haha! That’s an ….interesting choice fer sher. My eldest son loves broccoli and I’m pretty sure he’d eat edamame for all 3 of his meals. But my youngest is a total sugar hound and would have embarrassed me by devouring like seven cupcakes in front of all my friends.
    I belong to a book club and it saves my life! It’s a great group of very close friends. We drink, eat good food, and sometimes even talk about books. :)
    Beth Teliho recently posted..The Phone CallMy Profile

    • I identify more with your youngest — bring on the sugar!
      Glad you have a fun book club — I love mine too!

  12. HAHA! I so saw this going in a different direction but LOVE the direction you took! Awesome. Cold corn? My kid likes cold chicken nuggets. I just hope he outgrows it.

    • I hope he outgrows that too! But he might escalate to cold pizza! eeek!

  13. Paul said:

    For me vegetables in any type of container are Blaggh. But I do have a funny canned veggie story. I once worked as a project manager in a major commercial cannery that specialized in vegetables.They canned their own brand as well as many private label brands (ex.; A&P,Safeway,Kroger etc.)Since the canning season for each type of veggie was short, they would have to can huge amounts of each veggie without knowing what would be ordered through the year by each retailer. Consequently they canned by product, grade and can size and stored it unlabelled in a huge warehouse – there were literally millions of cans in there by the season end – all unlabelled but each with a tag on the storage pallet describing what was on the pallet (a pallet is a 40″ X 48″ wooden platform that they stacked and stored the cans on about 4 foot high). As the orders came in through the year they would label and ship the cans as required. Anyway, one summer they were trying to save money and replaced the warehouseman during his vacation with a student – the boss’ son. Ha! He was a lazy bugger and would allow the pallets of unlabelled cans to pile up until he felt like tagging and putting them away. About 2 months later our customers started to receive complaints from their customers that the cans of veggies did not contain what the label indicated. Ha! the boss’ son had lost track of what was on each pallet and had stuck the wrong tags on them – meaning the wrong label was evenually put on the cans – beets for carrots, corn for beans, and so on. The company paid huge fines to their customers and had to open cans from every pallet in our warehouse to see what was actually in the cans! The boss’ son never worked there again.

    • That is HILARIOUS! And AWESOME!
      And a wonderful reason why nepotism should be discouraged — especially where food is concerned!
      If I opened a can of corn and found beets, you’d hear my screeching from two towns over! :o)

  14. Belle of the ball said:

    Girl, my grown son, who I never fed anything cold from a can, will now eat anything straight from the can. It still freaks me out and he is 33.

    I want to start my own “Switch the Bitch” group but I don’t think my co-workers will go for it.

    • Your son is obviously in training for the zombie apocalypse when we will ALL have to eat cold food from cans!
      As for starting a Switch the Bitch group at work — I LOVE that idea! Ha!

  15. This has me choking on my lunch – and laughing so hard (glad the bosses are on leave). Baby Girl loves her food, but if it was a choice between vegetables and chocolate, I am sad to say, the chocolate will win each and every time. Still glad she loves her veggies though… :-)

  16. Julie said:

    You are going to get me in trouble. I can’t LOL at work!!

    I too could do corn from the can. I usually finish off what is left after dinner and by then it is room temp too so what’s the dif?

    I so got you beat tho. My son, who just turned 21 will eat chicken noodle soup out of the can. CONDENSED chicken noodle soup. out of the can. cold. BLLEECHH! He also does Ramen without the soup part. Just the noodles and flavor packet. At least he cooks the noodles for that. I am pretty sure he would be very happy with a nice salt lick.

    My girl aged 22 thinks ice cream is acceptable for anything. Even when it is freezing out. and it makes her cold. She still finds comfort.

    Thanks for the laughs Darcy! I wish you and all your readers a very Merry Christmas and a safe and Happy New Year! :)

    Sadly I have no official club. I do tend to stop by the local watering hole for an hour or so after work when I don’t have to do double duty, so I guess that is kinda an unofficial meeting, since very often the same people are there at the same time…

    • Julie, I can’t believe your son eats condensed chicken soup COLD! That’s stomach-churning! He’d be a sturdy, stoic Spartan, for sure!
      As for me, I’d be in the igloo with your daughter, shivering and enjoying our Ben & Jerry’s ice cream!

  17. When my eldest was 5 I offered her any meal of her choice. She told me she wanted the tree vegetable (obviously broccoli) but I was not being very bright and struggled to figure what she wanted. My youngest loved pickles so much that she would choose them rather than candy.
    Vivian recently posted..Merry merry and Happy happyMy Profile

    • pickles over candy? that’s some crazy right there! :o)

  18. I was with you until you screeched across the room (and thus, drew attention to the problem) for her to put down the can of corn and come have a cupcake instead. That got me lol-ing. Such stealth in times of great trepidation. Lol.
    MsKatrina recently posted..Cut The CordMy Profile

    • Ah, stealth — that elusive quality I seem to lack! I’m more like a bull in a china shop — on crack! :o)

  19. Mary said:

    My daughter, now 17 keeps pop top corn in her underwear drawer for emergency food! Has done it for at least 5 yrs.

    • omg, your daughter and mine are soul mates! that’s hilarious! I love that she keeps it in her UNDERWEAR drawer!!