So then…I give big hugs and kisses to Tucker, 7, and Chloe, 4, for their homemade Mother’s Day gifts and thank them for the gorgeous flowers in the vase next to the cupcakes they made.
And now for the store-bought gift. I unwrap the gift with delight, knowing that at long last, I will receive something I truly want for Mother’s Day. Because this time, I told David exactly what I want. Specifically. Precisely. As in the make, model, serial number, price, and store.
Past birthdays and Mother’s Days have included gifts that have less to do with function or fashion – and more to do with being available at retail establishments in close proximity to David’s favorite coffee shop.
His beloved Starbucks is in a small retail center that houses a book store (countless gift cards) and a Hawaiian clothing shop (over the years: 1 dress, 2 shirts, 1 vest – a Hawaiian vest, people!).
So this Mother’s Day, I ask for something very simple and specific.
I need new cake pans. I love to bake and my old cake pans are pretty dinged up. So I ask for two 9” round cake pans from Target for $6.99 each. Which I mention repeatedly — and even point out to David when we were at Target a couple weeks ago.
So all of us are grinning with anticipation as I open the box since we all know that I am going to LOVE this gift. Come to mama, 9” round cake pans!
The box contains:
Two 8” round cake pans from Williams & Sonoma
Two 10” round cake pans from Williams & Sonoma
Honestly, it’s like he has to get up early just to get it so wrong.
I immediately exclaim, “Omigosh! They’re perfect! I love them!” The kids beam.
Dave shoots me a smug smile and a self-satisfied nod of the head that means, “Hey, no mass merchandise store for my wife – I went to upscale Williams and Sonoma. Only the best, baby.”
I sneak a peek at the price sticker on the bottom of the pans. $19.99 – each!
The two 8” rounds are too small to contain a standard size box of cake mix.
The two 10” rounds are too big to fit in my oven side by side on the same rack.
This is why 9” is the perfect size. This is why I asked for 9” rounds.
And believe me, I’m grateful to receive gifts at all.
But instead of two 9” rounds from Target for a total of 14 bucks –
I now have $80 worth of cake pans that do not work.
But being a good mother means kissing and thanking everyone, gushing over the fantastic cake pans –
then at the earliest opportunity during the week – sneaking over to Williams and Sonoma to return the bizarre-sized cake pans and buying the 9” rounds at Target – confident that no one in my family will ever discern the difference between these rounds and the gift rounds.
The exchange leaves me with $66 leftover which I blow on a manicure, a new mystery novel, and a long lunch at Tito’s Taco Bar, downing margaritas with my friend Melissa whose Mother’s Day gift was a Handi-Vac.
— Darcy Perdu
(Out with it, ladies: share the worst – or most puzzling – gifts you’ve received for Mother’s Day, Birthday, Christmas, Hannukah, Valentine’s, Anniversary, Arbor Day. Yes, Arbor Day IS a gift-giving holiday! Have you not been receiving gifts that day? Hmmm. Share in the Comments Section!)