Does He Get Up Early Just To Get It So Wrong?

Mother's Day Cake Pans
So then…I give big hugs and kisses to Tucker, 7, and Chloe, 4, for their homemade Mother’s Day gifts and thank them for the gorgeous flowers in the vase next to the cupcakes they made.

And now for the store-bought gift. I unwrap the gift with delight, knowing that at long last, I will receive something I truly want for Mother’s Day. Because this time, I told David exactly what I want. Specifically. Precisely. As in the make, model, serial number, price, and store.

Past birthdays and Mother’s Days have included gifts that have less to do with function or fashion – and more to do with being available at retail establishments in close proximity to David’s favorite coffee shop.

His beloved Starbucks is in a small retail center that houses a book store (countless gift cards) and a Hawaiian clothing shop (over the years: 1 dress, 2 shirts, 1 vest – a Hawaiian vest, people!).

So this Mother’s Day, I ask for something very simple and specific.

I need new cake pans. I love to bake and my old cake pans are pretty dinged up. So I ask for two 9” round cake pans from Target for $6.99 each. Which I mention repeatedly — and even point out to David when we were at Target a couple weeks ago.

So all of us are grinning with anticipation as I open the box since we all know that I am going to LOVE this gift. Come to mama, 9” round cake pans!

The box contains:

Two 8” round cake pans from Williams & Sonoma
Two 10” round cake pans from Williams & Sonoma

Honestly, it’s like he has to get up early just to get it so wrong.

I immediately exclaim, “Omigosh! They’re perfect! I love them!” The kids beam.

Dave shoots me a smug smile and a self-satisfied nod of the head that means, “Hey, no mass merchandise store for my wife – I went to upscale Williams and Sonoma. Only the best, baby.”

I sneak a peek at the price sticker on the bottom of the pans. $19.99 – each!

The two 8” rounds are too small to contain a standard size box of cake mix.

The two 10” rounds are too big to fit in my oven side by side on the same rack.

This is why 9” is the perfect size. This is why I asked for 9” rounds.

And believe me, I’m grateful to receive gifts at all.

But instead of two 9” rounds from Target for a total of 14 bucks –
I now have $80 worth of cake pans that do not work.

But being a good mother means kissing and thanking everyone, gushing over the fantastic cake pans –

then at the earliest opportunity during the week – sneaking over to Williams and Sonoma to return the bizarre-sized cake pans and buying the 9” rounds at Target – confident that no one in my family will ever discern the difference between these rounds and the gift rounds.

The exchange leaves me with $66 leftover which I blow on a manicure, a new mystery novel, and a long lunch at Tito’s Taco Bar, downing margaritas with my friend Melissa whose Mother’s Day gift was a Handi-Vac.

— Darcy Perdu

(Out with it, ladies:  share the worst – or most puzzling – gifts you’ve received for Mother’s Day, Birthday, Christmas, Hannukah, Valentine’s, Anniversary, Arbor Day. Yes, Arbor Day IS a gift-giving holiday! Have you not been receiving gifts that day? Hmmm. Share in the Comments Section!)

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14 replies on “Does He Get Up Early Just To Get It So Wrong?

  1. That was hilarious! Men are kind of absent minded! (Always… ) Good thing is, you ended up with an extra gifts thanks to the exchange! Next time try circling what you want on a catalog or maybe even order it and have him pick it up and pay the day of. :)

  2. mimi gin said:

    Several years ago I was informed by loving hubby that I was not his mother — and our children were grown and old enough to “do” Mother’s Day on their own (which they are!).

    So then… you guessed it. Father’s Day he was informed that he was not my father… he saw the error of his ways. Lol

    • Brilliant! What’s good for the goose is good for the gander!

  3. Kim said:

    How about a new garage door opener and gardening gloves?

  4. I bought a jersey that I felt very guilty about buying because our budget is very tight at the moment. Then I remembered Mother’s day, I told my daughter that she could pretend I gave her money to buy me a present and I would pretend surprise. My husband who usually is so good at remembering totally forgot Mother’s day, so instead of me being guilty for buying something I should not — and him being guilty because he forgot – problem was solved.
    Vivian recently posted..Sleep with one eye openMy Profile

  5. I have given up on receiving gifts at all. It’s such a waste of money when I get things I will never use . . . books I will never read . . . CDs I will never listen to. I say, “Just a card.” Then, I buy myself whatever I want. :)

    P.S. Have you ever sent your husband to the grocery store? Yikes!

  6. I love this!! I will plead the 5th on this one. It’s safer that way.

  7. Sharla said:

    Let’s see…My husband learned the hard way you can’t charm yourself out of a bad gift. My birthday falls 3 days before Valentine’s Day. Our first year together, he bought me a dozen long-stemmed, white roses in a pretty vase. At first, I was thrilled that he got me something and even went the extra mile to get it arranged. (We were strapped for cash so I was ok with a combined gift.) That lasted for all of 30 seconds when he said (and I quote) “My mom loved hers so I knew you’d like yours.”
    Me: ?? Oh so you got your mom some flowers too?
    Him (realizing he was about to lose): Um, well, yeah, they were the same arrangement and vase. But I bought her 2 dozen red roses. So, they’re different.

    Now I’m not a jerk, and I don’t think its bad if he got his mother something, but priorities man, priorities!

    Me (steamed): Well, since you bought your mother 2 dozen RED roses, I guess you aren’t getting any tonight.

    Him (actually had the nerve to get mad): At least I got you something!

    (Crickets chirping)

    Me: …..No sex for you.

    Seven years later, he has yet to make that mistake again.

    • Ha! Great story! I love the “no sex for you” line!
      And apparently — it works! :o)

  8. Frankie said:

    I was pregnant this year for Mother’s Day and everyone was sweet for giving me flowers though technically I’m not a mother yet according to said people. In my head I’m like I’m giving birth next month why so fussy. My husband was brimming with excitement that we were having a baby. I did not expect anything since my husband was recently unemployed. He surprised my by upgrading my wedding ring and got me the earrings that I wanted. Since he lost his job he took his 401K out to ease a bit the expenses of having the baby. He told me you are the mother to our baby and you deserve everything. I told him it was too much money but he said he haggled the price down and it was worth every penny. Honestly best Mother’s Day ever. Not because of the gifts but his words meant so much to me.