So then…I confess that I neglected to share a rather embarrassing tale from my recent trip to Vegas with my two teen kids and their three pals.
THE BACKSTAGE BUNGLE
Our friend arranges for us to see a comedian friend of his, so the teens and I get awesome free seats and an opportunity to meet the comedian backstage afterwards.
The show’s hilarious! We love it!
Afterwards, an usher brings us to an attractive guy named Jim who’s the comedian’s assistant or road manager or something. He takes us backstage to a waiting room, then into the comedian’s dressing room.
The kids and I greet the comedian and thank him for the seats.
While the kids are talking to the comedian, I go off to the side with Jim. I gesture toward the kids with my Iphone and whisper to him, “Do you think it’s OK if I take a picture?”
“Sure!” he says, “That’s flattering!”
“Oh, OK,” I say shyly. “I never know. I don’t want to ask a celeb for a photo if it’s too pushy or something.”
“Not at all!” says Jim, smiling. “I’m happy to take a photo with them. They probably won’t know who I am though!”
I look at him strangely. They won’t know who you are? I don’t know who you are, either!
So I’m looking at this Jim guy totally confused, when suddenly –
Oh, damn. Now I remember! The comedian mentioned during the show that his friend was in the audience – a singer from a popular boy band in the late 90’s.
Oh, damn, damn, damn. Jim’s not the comedian’s assistant! He’s the friend – who’s also a celeb! And he thinks I’m asking for HIS picture!
I quickly try to recover gracefully, nodding my head enthusiastically, like yes yes that’s exactly what I intended all along please by all means get in this photo you delicious little former boy-bander you!
So then follows a horribly awkward photo shoot where I’m directing my kids and their friends to all smush together in pics with the comedian and the hottie 90’s singer-dancer.
Could I just make it through ONE WEEK without embarrassing myself?
As we leave the theater, walking along, I stop dead in my tracks and gasp!
Because now I remember something that makes me wince with fresh new embarrassment.
Before we went to the comedian’s dressing room, about 10 of us were squeezed into a tiny waiting room — me, the 5 teens with me, a few friends of the comedian, and Jim.
Jim was standing and the rest of us were sitting on two benches facing each other – smashed in so close, our knees were touching the people seated opposite us!
After awhile, conversation petered out a bit, so one of the adults said, “We need some entertainment while we’re waiting” and someone said something to Jim like, “Are you humming over there?”
He grinned — so I asked, “Oh, do you sing?” in that tone of voice you use when you discover someone who has one job — has just been revealed to have another talent.
Like the tone of voice I’d use if my plumber glanced longingly at my piano and I said with a tinge of surprise, “Oh, do you play?”
I was thinking, “Oh, Jim the assistant also happens to sing. That’s cool.”
And when I asked “Oh, do you sing?” — Jim and the others laughed which I took to mean “Good God, no!” which is the same response I’d give – because I’m a dreadful singer (even the nuns say so).
Just then, the door opened and we filed out to the comedian’s dressing room. One of the women smiled at me and murmured, “That’s a good one.”
NOW it all makes sense. She and the others thought I KNEW Jim was a famous former boy bander so they interpreted my question to be “faux innocent” – like I was ribbing him or teasing him!
Like batting my eyelashes and asking Kobe Bryant, “Oh, do you play ball?”
Or asking Meryl Streep, “Oh, do you act?”
Asking Miley Cyrus, “Oh, do you twerk?”
Asking that old Vatican guy with the funny hat, “Oh, are you religious?”
So Jim and the other adults all thought I was being clever and coy and maybe even flirtatious!
But I was just being completely clueless – which, I suppose, is its own special talent.
Embarrassing myself being yet another special talent I possess.
So, former boy bander, if you ever read this post – just know that you’re still smokin’ hot and I’d love to hear you croon anytime, baby!
— Darcy Perdu
PS I changed his name for this post so as not to embarrass him – or myself – any further!
If you enjoyed this post, receive NEW funny posts by subscribing HERE!
(Ever embarrassed yourself in front of a celeb? Do you know all the 90’s boy banders by sight?)
For hilarious tales from the front lines of parenting — and my story of the most embarrassing thing I’ve EVER done — buy this rockin’ new book, I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone!
Click the Buy Now button for an autographed copy mailed right to your door!