So then…I consider all the educational, enriching, cultural landmarks I can visit with my kids on Spring Break – and instantly choose VEGAS!
That’s right, I’m taking my two teens and three of their teen friends to Vegas for Spring Break!
Gambling! Drinking! Strip Clubs!
Oh wait. That’s for my business trips to Vegas.
This is a family-friendly trip! Recalculating, recalculating…
Still a go!
Tucker & Chloe, their 3 pals, and I head off to Nevada!
And now, here are Dispatches from Our Vegas Trip:
PLANNING OUR WEEK
Me: OK Kids, what would you like to do in Vegas?
Maggie (daughter’s friend): Oh! I’d love to see a hypnotist show & swim in the wave pool at Mandalay Bay & go to the buffet at Aria & — well, if I wasn’t anti-MGM—
Me: Why are you anti-MGM?
Maggie: Because they have lions in captivity in their hotel lobby! That’s so cruel!
Me: Oh, OK. Well, if you weren’t anti-MGM, what would you wanna do there?
Maggie (quietly, sheepishly): See the lions.
Me: Ha! I thought you were going to say, eat at MGM’s Rainforest Café or see a certain show there – but the thing you’d want to see there is the very thing that prevents you from going there? You’re hilarious!
Maggie: Um…thank you?
(PS We did end up at Rainforest Café later, but we respectfully averted our eyes from any potentially captive lobby lions.)
Heading down to the pool – but first, I’m in the shower –
shaving legs, underarms…and now toes? TOES? Holy Hell!
Where did these Hairy Hobbit Hooves come from?
Am I the only one with this affliction? I gotta shave those li’l puppies!
But I can’t even touch my toes on dry land!
How am I gonna reach ‘em in a slippery shower wielding a sharp razor?
Oh Lordy – pray for me!
Two band-aids later…
CIRQUE DU SOLEIL – MICHAEL JACKSON ONE
There are about 87 Cirque du Soleil shows in this town. This one features Michael Jackson. I thought he was no longer with us but hey, this is Vegas – anything’s possible.
Wow, awesome show! These performers are phenomenally talented! Not sure if that last dancer was actually Michael – or a hologram – but either way, damn, can he dance!
PS: Quitting my job to become trampoline-artist with Cirque du Soleil! Those guys have a blast! I’m uniquely qualified for this job! When I fall, I bounce! Sign me up!
All the foods. All over the world. All at once. All in mah belly!
Wade into the wild, wonderful sea of humanity in downtown Las Vegas? Sure!
Yes, kids, you can zip line down Fremont Street over the heads of all these drunk tourists and street performers, but be careful of pickpockets and affectionate lushes as we make our way to the zip line.
Don’t get too close to anyone or you’ll end up mugged and pregnant with an STD and a meth addiction.
Stay tuned for Part 2 of Dispatches from Spring Break Vegas Trip…
— Darcy Perdu
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(Seriously, what the hell with the toe hair? Anybody, anybody? Meanwhile, what’s your favorite thing to do in Vegas?)
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