18 Outrageous Body Painting Jobs! BOOBALICIOUS — and HILARIOUS!

So then…I gasp.

And gape.

And gawk.

And giggle.

I am literally in shock as I see the images that pop up when searching “Why Middle-Aged Women Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Drink” for a post I’m writing.

I’m just looking for your garden-variety drunken face-plant, but INSTEAD I see this:

Painted Boobs 1 Ladies Budweiser
Now, I don’t know who these ladies are – but I totally want to party with them!

They obviously have a FABULOUS sense of humor!

Yes, they are topless — and yes, they have painted their bosoms to look like bulging frog eyes.

They’re lettin’ it ALL hang out!

And what’s even more hysterical is that:

from the neck UP, they totally look like they could be accountants or PTA presidents –

but from the neck DOWN, it’s all P-A-R-T-Y!!
Googly-eyed boobie frogs with frisky tongues and unbuttoned jeans! Hilarious!

Now, I don’t normally shake my ta-tas in public, sans clothing – but I can kind of understand the allure of partying topless with some fun, colorful paint decorations.

Like these chicks who are celebrating Mardi Gras — let the good times roll and the tits swing! I get it. Rock on, sisters.

Painted Boobs 2 Mardi Gras
But what the hell is going on here?

Painted Boobs 2.5 Disney
Is she actually AT Disneyland?

I already shared with you the ONE Thing That Disneyland Insists You Do NOT Bring to Their Park – but apparently Disneyland needs to clarify that you DO need to bring a boob-covering of some kind.

And just as I’m wondering if her parents would be mortified to learn their daughter is exposing herself by baring her Mickey-Minnie breasts…

Painted Boobs 3 Mickey Mouse

I see the family portrait, which indicates that Mom and Dad not only approve of her behavior, but Mom joins in the boobie-baring fun!

Of course, I shudder to think what a full-length photo might reveal that Dad has decorated down below – perhaps a Penile Pluto? Yikes!

Apparently, boob-painting allows people to share their passions in a visually-striking way –

The patriotic:

Painted Boobs 4 Patriotic
The sports fan:

Painted Boobs 5 Sports Fan
The animal lover:

Painted Boobs 6 Penguins
The cartoon enthusiast:

Painted Boobs 7 Cartoon
The art lover:

Painted Boobs 8 Starry Night
Talk about Vincent Van Go-Go!
This is actually a gorgeous rendition of Starry, Starry Night.
You can’t help but be impressed with the craftsmanship of this paint job.

On the other hand, this chick seems singularly UNIMPRESSED with her paint job:
Painted Boobs 9 Skulls Not Happy
She’s like, “Yeah, I guess I’ll show ya. I wanted to coordinate my tits with my skull jacket – but I dunno, once I finished, I just wasn’t feelin’ it, ya know? The flames just look like heartburn. I shoulda gone with the Budweiser Frogs.”

I imagine her at a party, all bummed out over her lackluster Skull Boobs, when suddenly she notices someone enter. “Aw shit,” she mumbles, “Look who’s here – it’s Butterfly Girl.”

Painted Boobs 10 Butterfly

Yowza! Now THAT’S a paint job to be proud of!

If I had a body like this, I’d paint myself like this every day and go about my business. I’m not kidding. If I lose a few pounds, I’m totally doing this. And not just for special occasions. EVERY DAY. Look for me at Target and the post office and the bank. I’m the Bad-Ass Butterfly right in front of you in line.

This next lady looks lovely too, but I’m not digging her pose.

Painted Boobs 11 Purple

It’s like she had to gracefully pause, mid-photo, for a delicate toot.

Pass gas on your own time, lady!

And body painting is NOT just for super models and the cool kids!

Painted Boobs 12 Star Trek

Geeks love it too!
Live long and prosper you Star Trek pranksters, you!

(Somewhere, Spock is turning over in his grave.)
(And he’s not even dead yet.)

Liz Lemon on “30 Rock” has a wonderful expression when she is very excited about something. She stares intensely and says, “I.want.to.go.there.”

I think a lot of men would see this photo:

Painted Boobs 13 Vegas

And say the same thing: “I.want.to.go.there.”
To Vegas.
Or to this lady.
Or both.

But this photo will make you say “I.do.NOT.want.to.go.there.”

Painted Boobs 14 Zombie

Oh she seems nice enough.
But the body paint is just…um…no…wrong…eek eek…run away, run away!

Meanwhile, I have no idea what the HELL is going on here:

Painted Boobs 15 Baseball

Her arm is a bat? One boob is a man? One boob is a ball? The man is holding the bat? What the hell? Just too much going on here! I’m dizzy!  Hit me with the bat, please!

So apparently unicorns DO exist – and they have access to spray paint and bicycles.

Painted Boobs 16 Bike Riders

I especially love the facial expressions of complete nonchalance on the painted ladies – they’re all business-like, totally serious, like: “Nothing to see here, folks, just ridin’ our bikes.”

I do sense a little frustration from Red-Yellow Lady, though – I’m getting that vibe like “Dammit, Lucy, I told you to get ORANGE paint — mixing red and yellow DID NOT work at ALL.”

Blue Babe, meanwhile, is fine with paint in every crack and crevice – but clearly draws the line at her ears. “Not the ears! Not the EARS!”

And you can tell Blue Babe and Not-Even-Close-To-Orange Lady are being all judge-y of Yellow Chick for showing so much skin while rockin’ her painted bikini – like, “Why doesn’t that tramp paint her limbs like us? Show some modesty, for God’s sake! There are CHILDREN present!”

All I can think is how uncomfortable it is to ride a bicycle seat with SHORTS on – so if the only thing separating you and the bike seat on a long ride is a thin layer of paintHoly Shizznit!

Meanwhile, lots of blue paint on this lady below:

Painted Boobs 17 Corset
This seems like a lot of trouble go to, in order to appear to be wearing a sexy corset, panties, and stockings. And isn’t the point of such sensual undergarments to inspire your lover to rip them from your body and ravish you? So in this case – what? Seems a little less sexy if he’s gotta get out the paint remover and a rag…

Or does he just ravish you WHILE you’re painted blue? But if the paint’s transferable, would he end up looking like a member of Blue Man Group? Including his member?

Other photos show people who seem completely surprised that their boobs are painted…

Painted Boobs 18 Surprised Face
Like “OMIGOD, I just woke up! What the hell IS this? Who put this face here?”

Other photos show people who try too hard…

Painted Boobs 19 Trying Too Hard

 

And some people who didn’t try quite hard enough…

Painted Boobs 20 Smiley Face Try Harder
Come on, dude, seriously?
Is that the best you can do?
That’s hardly worth opening a can of paint.

But I do applaud the positive message of a smiley face – so rock on, brother.

Finally, I find a good face plant photo for my other post. But these body painting photos are so bizarre, I just had to share them with you.  (And since they’re posted on Google Images, I guess these fine folks are happy to share their artistic expression with everyone!)  And honestly, I’m impressed with their bold joie de vivre!  Hat’s off to you!  (Or bra’s off, as the case may be.)

Meanwhile, I’m a little worried that you might think I’m obsessed with boobs (I am) since I’ve previously posted about my brilliant invention to corral those wily puppies – and I’ve posted about the time my boob was trapped mid-mammogram when a fire broke out – and now I’m regaling you with photos of painted ta-tas today –

But hey, EVERYONE loves boobies!
And the more colorful and fun — the better!

Even grandmas want in on the Painted Cha-Chas:

Painted Boobs 21 Granny's Swinging
Swing looow, sweet bosom, swing looow…

— Darcy Perdu

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And if you enjoyed THIS post, you’ll LOVE these — so click the images below!

The FUNNIEST Difference between Men and Women (Hint: Porno Pictionary!) #funny #games #menvswomen #humor

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(How many cocktails would YOU need to chug to Paint Your Boobs and Parade Around Town?  WHAT would you paint them? Get creative, people! Which is your favorite photo above – for creativity, humor, or artistic talent?)

Painted Boobs 1 Ladies Budweiser

 

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46 replies on “18 Outrageous Body Painting Jobs! BOOBALICIOUS — and HILARIOUS!

  1. OMG, these are hysterical! My favorites are the ones on the bikes (WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT NAKED?!) and the old granny. She totally needs a push-up. :)
    Dani Ryan recently posted..I got a tattooMy Profile

    • Ha! She DOES need a push-up! Note to self: invent Body Paint with Reverse Gravity.

  2. Darcy, I officially have to wash my eyes out with soap and go put on a bra so my tatas don’t swing low like those of that last ol’ painted beauty….. lol. I see women paint their tatas every halloween in Coconut Grove since here in FL the ladies usually don’t mind letting a little extra hang out. I don’t know if I would be that brave… maybe. Who knows what I would be like after a few tequila shots (especially since I don’t drink lol)
    To contribute to your images here is a cool belly paint http://madlyodd.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Body-Painting_Baby_Coming_OUt.jpg
    and here are some awesome-ly painted divas:
    http://www.onlineweblibrary.com/news/bodypainting.jpg
    If I had those bodies I might just paint n walk around like you mentioned lol!!

    • Veronica, your pics are hilarious! Love the baby peeking out!

  3. You have to check out the Naked Bike Ride that starts the Freemont Fair Solstice Parade every June!

    • Naked Bike Riding sounds potentially a little uncomfortable — can I be a Naked Spectator instead? I’ll be painted like the Butterfly Lady!

    • Cara – yes! Definitely link on your Fancy Free Friday post — share the booby love! Ha!

  4. I would LOVE to say that they don’t make enough alcohol for this to happen, but let’s be honest, in days past, it didn’t take more than 5 beers for me to flash, and there wasn’t a finger-painting kit in sight. Without a trace of irony…that usually got me the next beer.

    God, I’m fucking classy.

    • Damn, girl! That’s a brilliant idea to get a free beer! I’m afraid if I tried that now, there’d be a loud thud when my titties hit the floor!

  5. Connie Conehead said:

    Umm…I think Blue Corset Gal is actually a HE…

  6. Oh my God, I’m DYING! These photos are hilariously creepy. And your commentary had me in stitches. The MOM got in on it? Really? I don’t think I could even approach my mom with that idea. How long do you think that whole process takes? I’m sure it isn’t cheap either, so yeah, if I had that done, I’d be getting my money’s worth.
    Gina Jacobs Thomas (@totallyfullofit) recently posted..Mammaries of the way we were…My Profile

    • I agree! That pic of the chick with her MOM baring their Disney breasts cracked me up! The mom looks so strait-laced, but apparently mama likes to walk on the wild side!

  7. THIS. IS. AWESOME!!! I think the three ladies with the frogs are my favorite for exactly the reason you mentioned…they look like mild mannered PTA moms and BAM!! I also think I want to party with the low hanging grandma. I bet she’d be a hoot!!

  8. Angela McKeown @momopolize said:

    My 14 year old drew a face on my 8 year old’s belly. Eyebrows above nipple “eyes” and mustache above belly button “mouth.” In sharpie.

    My 8 year old proceeded to run around the house jiggling his “eyes” and squeezing the skin around his “mouth” to make it talk.

    Who knew they were actually being trendy!

    Loved this post. Sharing.

  9. I love this post Darcy so funny. Gosh the Granny sure is hanging loose there. I know even if I lost heaps of weight I would never have the nerve.
    Vivian Pitschlitz recently posted..Yay my new babyMy Profile

  10. WOW!! I feel like Phoebe on Friends…my eyes, my eyes!! Seriously, though, there is not enough alcohol for this to ever take place! ;)-Ashley

    • Ha! It’s possible there may have been some drinking involved…

  11. Actually, your animal lover is a computer geek, that penguin is the Linux operating system symbol. It also says Linux on her arm.
    Mike recently posted..Time For WorkMy Profile

    • omigosh, Mike, upon closer inspection, I realize that you are correct! I’m actually impressed — you’d think a man might be so distracted by the penguin boobies that he wouldn’t even notice the writing on her arm! But you, sir, are a scholar and a gentlemen! You are probably the guy who DOES read Playboy “for the articles.” :o) Ha! Thanks for pointing out the Linux symbol — I bet the company would be surprised to see her brand loyalty displayed so…um…prominently! :o)

  12. If the Budweiser frogs’ eyes are really boobs, what are the frogs’ tongues…..livers? Why am I confused? We just had a wild GA-Fl football game party here and one old gal told me she had to tuck her boobs in her socks. Several of the older women got instantaneously blasted, screamed they were going to drink all the liquor, get drunk and spend the night with us. Two hours later the game was over and so were they. They were lined up on a sofa and a love seat and several chairs and they all nodded in unison as they napped. Old people should not drink and make promises at the same time.
    Ben Swilley recently posted..The Halloween Race Riot I Almost Started.My Profile

    • ha! So glad you enjoyed it, Jennifer! Those Disney gals ARE pretty hysterical!

  13. So, I’m pretty sure that if I had the patience to allow myself to be painted to that level of detail I would undoubtedly SCRATCH myself or smudge something and ruin the whole thing!
    WriterMom Angela recently posted..Motherhood is an Extreme SportMy Profile

    • Ha! Me too! Plus — where would you SIT? I’d be terrified of leaving an imprint! :o)

  14. Margot said:

    I’m pretty sure “grandma” is my mother-in-law, who allegedly died earlier this year. Jeez! She coulda just told us she was sick of the grandkids. She didn’t need to fake her own death just to get away from us and embrace her wild side. Ironically, my husband used to always try to get me to talk to her about her need for a bra that was actually manufactured during this millennium. And I was like, “She’s YOUR mother, you do it!” But now I see that she wore those old bras with zero elasticity on purpose and was actually going for that look. ;)

    I know I’m late to the game here, Darcy, but this post is just all kinds of awesome! I’m off to Twitter now to re-advertise this in case anyone missed it.

    • That picture of that grandma IS a hoot! Hilarious! I’m on my way to training my swinging bosom to swing that low too!

  15. kanchan said:

    I want to do body paint job.

  16. Momoftwo said:

    I suspect the bike pics could be from the Naked Philly Bike ride–an annual event. My son participated a few times. I did not ask for pics!