Funny Advice for Your College-Bound Kids

Best & Funniest Advice for College  #school #college #graduate #advice #funny #humor

So then…my funny, smart, gorgeous niece with long flowing blonde hair zips upstairs. I turn to my sister Della and say, “I can’t believe she’s going off to college next year! Are you worried about all those college boys? I remember how worried I was when YOU went off to college!”

“What are you talking about?” she asks.

“You were a perky beautiful cheerleader! I remember saying to Mom, ‘Aren’t you worried about Della going to a coed college after 4 years of an all-girls high school?’ And Mom innocently said, ‘But she’s going to Texas Christian University.’ And I said, “Mom! Christian college boys have hormones too! You better have a serious talk with her!”

Della laughs and says, “Well, you guys gave me plenty of advice before college. Our older brother gave me a copy of the book about the Hillside Strangler and told me, ‘never date a guy with a windowless van!’ And do you remember what you told me?”

“No, what?” I ask.

“You said, ‘You have big boobs – and boys will want to touch them. So be careful.”

I laugh. “Well, that’s true!”

She says, “And our little brother told me, ‘Never run on campus.’”

“‘Never run on campus?’” I say. “What’s that got to do with college boys?”

“Nothing. He just told me, ‘No matter how late you are for class, never run on campus. You’ll look like an idiot.’”

We both laugh.

— Darcy Perdu

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(What advice did people give YOU when you went off to college? What advice will you give YOUR kids? Any words of wisdom people gave you about dealing with members of the opposite sex?)

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36 replies on “Funny Advice for Your College-Bound Kids

  1. “You have big boobs – and boys will want to touch them. So be careful.”

    Truer words there never were. We don’t have kids of our own yet but, if I ever have any daughters, I think I’ll keep that one handy. If for no other reason than to make them feel awkward. I suspect I’ll make my kids feel awkward a lot. And it’ll be mostly intentional.
    Vinny C recently posted..Lacy’s Winning Rack.My Profile

    • LOL — yes, embroider that little saying on a pillow right now so you can remember to tell your kids when they’re going off to college!

    • Why would your boss feel the need to give you that advice? Were you wavin’ your wick all around the place?
      :o) ha!

  2. Caitlin said:

    My dad’s advice was “penicillin can’t cure everything”. I never had to use that rule myself, but I’ve passed it on many times.

  3. lol that’s so funny – “you have big boobs and boys will want to touch them” best of luck to your niece, especially at a ‘Christian’ University :P

  4. Julie said:

    Oh Boy. It was so long ago that I went to college I don’t remember getting any advice. I commuted too so it was kinda like an extension of high school.

    My girl attended my alma mater so she had a similar experience to mine.

    My boy however attends DePaul. I still worry so about him living in the Loop. He is in his 3rd year and it has gotten easier but it is still very trying. Most of my advice to him was to keep safe, and don’t get drunk and toss stuff out your window. They will pull your scholarships and your college career will be kaput! Of course I don’t think he has tossed stuff out his window (down onto State St) but I know for certian the times I told him to stay in, a recent convention in Chicago that threatened to become tense, he said “ok” and when we picked him up he showed pictures of police on horseback all in riot gear! Oh good lord! Didn’t I tell you to stay inside? Fortunately he managed to get thru it unscathed. :)

    • Riot gear? That would scare the heck out of me! Glad your son’s been safe so far!

      • Julie said:

        Serious. Even the horses wear riot gear. I guess that makes sense, they need to be protected too, but I have a hard time understanding most violence so there’s that.. and Yes, pictures on his cell phone. Gee you appear to BE ON THE STREET instead of IN YOUR ROOM ON THE 12TH FLOOR!

        • LOL! Maybe he used a telephoto lens?? (just tryin’ to help the kid out with his alibi!) :o)

  5. My dad told me to get IN to trouble! He also said “don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” There is very little that he wouldn’t do.
    Cassie recently posted..“Art”My Profile

    • Wow! Well, I guess if you ARE going to get into trouble, it’s best to do it when you’re young! :o)

  6. Cults. All the advice I got was around avoiding cults.

    Never any actual practical advice, like what to look for, how to avoid them or why they might want me in particular, just repeated statements that they were “all over campus trying to get you”.

    Thanks guys. Big help.

    • That’s hilarious!!! I love that!
      That is so funny that they kept warning you about cults — with no practical advice about the cult-cultivators!
      Sounds like someone they knew fell prey to the cults and they wanted to make sure they didn’t get you too!

    • I think I even improved that advice: never run, period! :o)

  7. Paul said:

    Funny stuff Darcy. University, for me, was in my home town, so I was home to study and sleep and eat. I guess my parents didn’t think I could get in much trouble, so I don’t remember getting any advice. I was a geek entering university (I blossomed later – Ha!) so I wasn’t even aware of the social/sexual undercurrents swirling around. The worst trouble I got into was charging fire extinguishers with a ground charcoal/flour mixture and spraying people in the rain. Man that stuff was hard to get off!

    • charging fire extinguishers with a ground charcoal/flour mixture and spraying people in the rain? that’s a special kind of kooky, right there!

      • Paul said:

        Got the girls’ attention, that I can tell you! Us poor Geeks didn’t have much in the ways of choices.

  8. My Dad told me to study the table of contents of the books before every test. He did it because he had too much coffee when cramming for his first exam and he couldn’t go to sleep. That is exactly what saved him and he got an A. Unfortunately too much coffee made my legs wide awake but did nothing for my eyes, so it was more like I was running in bed all night long. I got a D on that first exam.

    • Studying the table of contents sounds like a great idea actually. The coffee — not so much! When staying up late to study for exams in college, instead of coffee, we would eat raw chocolate chip cookie dough! The chocolate kept us energized — and oh, so delicious!

  9. I love the “big boobs” advice– it reminds me of the P.E. scene in Mean Girls where he sums sex up as “you will get chlamydia and die” or something like that. I don’t recall anyone giving me advice before I went to college (maybe that’s why it took me ages to finally graduate?) But if I had to give someone advice… I honestly can’t think of anything. I sat here blankly and then started reading all your ads and images on the sidebar. I can’t believe I have absolutely no advice to give– I’ll be stealing your “big boobs” line, no doubt.

    • ha! “you will get chlamydia and die” is hilarious!

  10. Kim said:

    So then…I’m talking to my boyfriend’s mom for the first time ever on the phone when in college, and she advises me, “A hard wickerbill has no conscience.” “Hmmmm, ok,” I replied and quickly gave her an excuse for needing to get off the phone immediately. She has now been my mother-in-law for 14 years, but we WON’T be passing on that advice to our kids verbatim.

    • That’s hysterical! I didn’t even know what a wickerbill was, so I Googled that sh*t and yep, it’s sort of what I thought it might be! I can’t believe your boyfriend’s mom thought that was an appropriate thing to say on her first phone call with you! Too funny!! (Apparently it all worked out since you’ve been married to her son for 14 years!! Three cheers for the wickerbill!)

  11. William Kendall said:

    Well, of course, it being a Christian university, that’ll be even more pronounced a problem. Years of being ingrained with Repress The Hormones preaching from the pulpit are bound to have consequences!

    • Ha — I know all about repression! Attended Catholic schools for 12 years — great education, but there were a few nuns who implied that kissing a boy leads directly to pregnancy and the fiery flames of hell!

  12. You should have mentioned that running with big boobs will also want to make the boys run after her.

    That, or black eyes!

    Sorry, I couldn’t help myself! :-)