BEST Father’s Day Gift — and COMPLETELY Inappropriate (Perhaps NSFW)

Men swimsuits
So then…I find the PERFECT Father’s Day Gift.

A Colorful “C*ck Sock!”

When my friend posts the above image on her Facebook page to playfully suggest these swimsuits for her friends’ hubbies this summer…

it prompts lots of comments from her pals and me – and I’ll admit there is not one mature comment amongst us.

Then it hits me. A brilliant idea for an invention.

If this tiny piece of fabric that only just barely covers the MALE private parts down below is considered acceptable “swimwear” –

then why don’t I invent a similar swimsuit to just barely cover the FEMALE private parts up top?

I will literally make a SOCK that fits each individual boob so snugly that there is no need for straps or clasps — or that unnecessary material that wraps around the back!
Boob Tube Clipart Sock Lady
These will literally be socks that you simply pull onto each boob, then just walk out the door! Let your boobs roam free!
Boob Tube Lil Kim Final
Lil Kim has the basic idea here – but no need for a fancy sparkly mini-fan – just grab a sock from your sock drawer and pull it on!

So what SIZE is most appropriate for YOUR boobalicious boobies?

Sweat socks — for the busty gal?
Boob Tube Sweat Socks White
Anklet socks — for the more modestly-endowed?
Boob Tube Ankle Socks Purple
Baby socks — for our flat-chested friends?
Boob Tube Baby Socks Final Final
Knee socks – for those older swingin’ breasts that literally reach your knees?
Boob Tube Knee Socks Final
And what more appropriate name for these new swimsuit tops than…

BOOB TUBES?

They are literally TUBES for your BOOBS!

I will even provide special Lopsided Boob Tubes for those of you with non-symmetrical bosoms – just mix n’ match an Anklet with a Knee Sock.

And imagine the color and design combinations you can create by raiding your sock drawer!
Boob Tube Colorful Socks

We can even knit socks to resemble your bosoms!
Boob Tube Knitted Sock
Special occasion? Black Tie affair? Tug these on!
Boob Tube Black Tie Final
Do you happen to have 5 nipples per breast? Then I have the perfect Boob Tubes for you!
Boob Tube Toe Socks
And if you run out of socks, just grab a scarf – and voila – Bob’s your uncle.

Boob Tube Christina Aguilera Crop Crop
Rock that scarf, Christina Aguilera!

Of course, my FAVORITE SCARF OF ALL TIME is from monster-munch.com –
because this scarf doesn’t HIDE the boobs – it CELEBRATES the boobs!

Boob Tube Scarfs monster-munch.com
And look how delighted Grandma on the left is!

So while I work on creating my Boob Tubes for sale –

you no doubt want to know where you can pick up some “C*ck Socks” for Father’s Day.

I’ve looked everywhere and the only version I can find for sale right now is aptly called:    The Tuggie”

Boob Tube Tuggie Censored
http://www.spencersonline.com/product/pd-the-tuggie/

You’re welcome.

— Darcy Perdu

(Do you agree all the men in your life will LOVE this Father’s Day Gift? And will they wear it to the beach or lake this 4th of July? Would you buy my Boob Tubes invention – or are you going to totally steal my idea and just use your own raggedly ol’ socks? Who will be brave enough to send in the first photo?)

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32 replies on “BEST Father’s Day Gift — and COMPLETELY Inappropriate (Perhaps NSFW)

  1. Would you please hand me that towel so I can wipe the coffee off my computer?

  2. Hahahahahaha. I cannot stop laughing!! I have never seen these “Tuggies.” What man wouldn’t want that for Father’s Day?!

    The boob tubes are fantastic. I would totally buy yours. I’m not very crafty so I’d like one made especially for that purpose instead of having to do with socks. –Lisa

  3. Oh, brother… what has been seen cannot be unseen.

    Yuck! Triple infinity plus one yuck!

  4. AinOakPark said:

    I was laughing my butt off from the first picture. (Did you notice that the guy “sporting” it had a waist!)

    We went to a family-oriented open house for some friends who had recently moved to a new place. Of course everyone took the tour.

    So then, after a while, we noticed that the kids were streaming up stairs, and one of the parents was smart enough to investigate. That parent found a bunch of kids looking out the window at the male next door neighbor who was sunning himself in the back yard on a lounge chair with nothing but a (small) tube sock for coverage.

    Of course, this led to a stream of adults who had to see it to believe it.

    What ensued was a ban on the upper rooms on that side of the house and a lively discussion about sock sizes. And other things that rhyme with sock.

    This must have happened 20 years ago, but it still came to mind.

    I like the ones in the first illustration better, but I think any of them would be a hoot – perhaps for a bachelor party gift? Or a divorce party gift?

    P.S. The boob scarves were sadly hysterical. The boob hat is perfect as a gift for any hated boss to wear as a hat…

    (AinOakPark actually found a website selling some of these products! Thanks! http://cstringthong.com/userimages/procart8.htm)

  5. Jana said:

    Oddly, my dad does like socks as gifts.

  6. I know exactly what the very (not) mature men that I know, will say, “I don’t think there is one big enough for me”

    Sadly my boob tube is going to be a knee sock. This post was great fun, Darcy, I had a good giggle.

    Vivian recently posted..Happy not Father’s dayMy Profile

    • Me too! Definitely a knee sock gal! Maybe even a STOCKING gal!

    • LOL! Wait till you see what Veronica found in the Comments Below – a bizarre alternative for the male swimsuit! Check it out!

  7. April said:

    Etsy.com is where I very first saw those! They have TONS of them!

    • Holy Cow, Veronica! That is really…something! Quite a feat of engineering and fashion! I would think it would create a rather odd tan line! So perhaps the C*ck Sock is best for keeping the sides free for maximum tanning capabilities. But this is certainly a stylish and provocative alternative! Two dozen, please — in lime green!

  8. Are you kidding? I have one for every day of the week! and a backup!

  9. I would say you were sick — but there was a pic just recently of an older female wearing pantyhose on her sagging boobs. Sorry — didn’t save it for you.

    And many years ago, my not-yet-father-in-law showed me a red and white homemade knit male “kit” cover. No, he was not wearing it — and,yes, I married his son anyway.
    Virginia Llorca recently posted..Paying AttentionMy Profile

    • LOL! Can’t believe your future dad-in-law showed you a homemade knit male member cover — that’s hilarious!

  10. Monique said:

    Wow just wow. I laughed so hard through this whole post I had tears streaming. My husband was looking at me like I was crazy.

  11. Rhonda B said:

    OMG! Some of the shit that people invent and then are not embarrassed to sell and advertise! I was reading a Men’s Health Journal, because I had already read my People but, anyhoo.. at the back, of course, they had an advertisement for the one thing every man needs…Sweaty Ball Spray! OMG!! It was hilarious, so much so that I took a pic and texted it to my boyfriend to see if indeed that is what every man needs. haha!!

  12. How did I miss this post?? Hilarious, but I know I won’t catch my hubby wearing that in public, or even private, any time soon.

    And now I have to share those on my FB page just to see what happens.
    Mercy recently posted..Let the Countdown BeginMy Profile

    • Ha! Maybe your FB post about it will give your pals a great idea for Father’s Day gifts this year! :o)

  13. I got one for my boyfriend when he showed me a picture of it. I totally meant for it to be a gag gift but he apparently wears it like house slippers. I have already apologized to his house-mates….
    Maddi recently posted..WHAT IS LOVE?! (baby don’t hurt me…)My Profile

    • That is AWESOME! That’s hilarious that you bought him one — and even more amazing that he wears it!!! Hysterical!

  14. Kim said:

    Umm, the number of free knitting patterns for those is insane. They’re called ‘willie warmers’ or ‘peter heaters’ and I have not yet acquired the gall to make one.

    • “Willie warmers” and “Peter Heaters?” Those names are HILARIOUS!
      You MUST get those knitting patterns and make some immediately! Father’s Day is just around the corner! Get knittin’, woman! :o) Ha!