And You Are… ?

And You Are - Image
So then…I answer the phone with a cheerful hello, and I hear my 5-year-old daughter’s voice saying, “Hi Mom, it’s me, Chloe, your daughter.”

I laugh at her thorough manner of identifying herself — which she does every single time she calls me.

Does she think I have dementia?

It’s as though she thinks I couldn’t immediately recognize her voice –

or figure out that a female voice saying “Hi Mom,” must mean it’s my only daughter on the line –

or realize that she is the only Chloe I know, so it must be Chloe my daughter as opposed to Chloe the baker or Chloe the hair stylist.

So I always respond with, “Oh hello Chloe my daughter, it’s so nice to hear from you. This is Mom, your mother, Darcy Perdu. Shoe size 10. Bra size 36C. What can I do for you?”

To which she replies, “Mooooooooooooooooom!”

I imagine there is some eye-rolling happening as well, but after all, we are on the phone, so I can only assume.

***

Of course, as she grows to be a teen, the tables turn. Apparently, now I am the one who is over-identifying.

Chloe, shaking her head and sighing, as she looks over my shoulder at my computer screen:

“Mom, you don’t need to sign your comments on Facebook! You don’t have to say, ‘Happy Birthday, nephew Brian. Love, Aunt Darcy’ — he KNOWS who he is — and he can see YOUR name is Darcy Perdu right there on the Facebook screen!”

Well, all right, Chloe daughter female off-spring. Jeesh.

— Darcy Perdu

(How do your kids identify themselves on the phone? Or are they texting monkeys now? Do you struggle with appropriate etiquette on Facebook like I do? Share in the Comments!)

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26 replies on “And You Are… ?

  1. mimi gin said:

    My daughter starts with “heellloooo moo moo.”

    The fun begins when your child sounds just like you. I have been able to answer my parents’ phone for years and my mom’s friends just start talking as if I am her.

  2. AinOakPark said:

    For years I have called my children: “favorite older daughter” and “favorite younger daughter.”

    Now that I am away from them, I call my older one, who spends time in Italy every year, “Bella.”

    My quite-a-few-years-younger daughter started calling me “Momma Bird” after her older sibling left. In response, I call her “Baby Bird.”

    When the older heard the exchange above, she said, “Well, who am I?”

    Baby Bird looked at Momma Bird, who gazed back, and in unison we said: “Big Bird!” Bella was NOT happy.

      • AinOakPark said:

        Especially when you consider that my girls are 6′ 1″ and 6′ 2″!

  3. Stephanie said:

    I now start phone calls just like my mother always did when we were growing up… and we made fun of her every time we heard her do it! Now when I do it, I hear the younger me mocking me! My mother would be proud!

  4. I come home to find teenage daughter on the family computer — unable to tear herself away. But I am a teacher and need to check online grades. Sadly, I’d recently placed my school-issued laptop on my car’s roof and… drove off. :( So I depended more heavily on ‘sharing’ the Home Desktop w/teen daughter.

    I inelegantly note that I need to log on. Which is when Abigail helpfully reminds me that I can just go use my wiggly-hinged duct taped laptop.

    “But I’m afraid I’ll hurt it, Abby. I only trust you with my school’s technology.”

    She sighs, huffs, logs out, and releases Broken Lucinda from her heavily padded case.

    Then — uh oh.

    Abby hoists Lucinda gently to a nearby desk, so as to devote all of her energy to standing there, hands on hips, to glower. At me. She is SO frustrated she cannot speak.

    I look around, horrified. “Abby, what?”

    “Mom! The cord!? It’s not IN your case. And ever since that ‘alleged fall’ it took, you killed the Hibernate Button. And you never shut it OFF.”

    I wait for the rest of her sentence.

    Her eyes roll.

    “Mama, this means YOU HAVE NO B A T T E R Y. Can you remember, please, next time, to shut your computer down when you are done using it?”

    “Yes, I can, Abby.”

    “And can I have my cell phone back now, please?” (You don’t need to know why I borrowed it.)

    My eyes dart around nervously.

    “TELL me you KNOW where my CELL PHONE is.”

    “Honey, it’s not lost it’s … I know. I put it…let’s look here in my purse.”

    She grabs the purse off the kitchen table and roots through it, at first awestruck then nauseated that the five BEST hairbrushes in the house are located in the void.

    “THIS is the reason I looked like this today. I’ll just take FOUR of these back now. You only need one.”

    “Thank you, Abby.”

    “No WONDER we have to use spoons for EVERYTHING. Can you explain why you have seven forks in your purse?”

    “No.”

    “Oh look! Here’s my cell phone next to a tampon that’s coming out of its wrapper. I think I’ll just throw this away for you. You have a whole new box in the bathroom.”

    “Thank you, Abby.”
    ————–

    I’m not certain when I became so feeble I need a 15 year old to be my ‘caregiver’ but I blame technology.

    full story > http://carolyngivenwriter.blogspot.com/2013/01/lucinda-laptop-part-ii-when-did-i-get.html

    • So funny! I can just see your sheepish look as your teen admonishes you! And hey — you may NEED those brushes and forks if you accidentally wander into a taping of Let’s Make A Deal!

  5. Betty said:

    My daughter is one of those types who lives for her cell phone. She’s had it since she was 12, she’s now 20, and still lives at home, but will literally call me from the kitchen to ask if I want some coffee.

    Years ago I just gave up and started answering the phone “Yes Satannnn?”
    I get some of the strangest looks in public…
    Guess you have to understand my sense of humor!

    • Ha! Strangers must think you have a direct line to Satan himself! That should keep them on their toes!

    • Dorothy said:

      I just have to share this…my son called from one of my daughter’s bathrooms while visiting one day, “Hey, I need toilet paper in here.” Yeah, we were in the next room.

      Five years later, we still laugh over that one. We’ll say, don’t forget to call if you need tp!

  6. Petra said:

    My mum and I have called each other cow (big cow and little cow) for years, she’s actually stored on my cell-phone as ‘cow.’ Apparently she and her mother did the same. It was great fun some years back when the mad cow-disease was going round and the funny joke cartoons started appearing.

    Yesterday I asked my 1.5 year old son “where’s mummy?” He looked at me for a second, brought his book of farm animals over, which happened to be open on the cow-page, and said “mmmmmooh”. So I suppose it’s starting…

    • I was thinking that this is such an unusual and funny nickname that you all call each other — then it occurred to me to ask, “ARE you actually a cow?” If so, you’re certainly a talented and well-spoken cow, with apparent access to a computer. But if not, then I think the nickname is even funnier — and how hilarious that your young son would point to THAT particular page in the farm book! Priceless!

  7. Dorothy said:

    As a kid, after my son learned to write, he signed every card to me, “Your son, Matthew “Last Name””. I got a note from boy scout camp signed the same way. Because I didn’t know I had a son name Matthew Last Name. We only knew him as Matt. Good thing he signed his full name.
    My daughter calls me Mamacita. We’re not hispanic lol and she speaks no spanish. I love it.
    Now that he’s grown, my son and I have an ongoing thing when we greet each other, I think it started from a couple of movies. I call him “Son, my Son” with a serious face and stern emphasis no matter the occasion. We nod at each other, unsmiling. I may just say, Son? He, straightfaced, nods and replies, “Mother? or “Helloo Mo-ther.” We are not formal in any way so we often break up laughing. Done this for years and have no real idea how it started. I have never been Mother to either kid!
    My grandson, it started with Star Wars. I said one day after he saw it, “You are not my son!” He started to protest, then I said, “You are my grandson” (said a la Darth Vader). He loves it. Now when I start it, he finishes it.
    This is the fun part of parenting! When you have a joke just between you. I loved, loved your story. Hilarious and totally relate-able! And yes, somehow my kids parent me now, too, especially with technology. (They are both in their 30’s yuck.) I get corrected all the time. My son is a computer repair guy with his own business and shakes his head and smiles at my lack of knowledge. Oh well, it’s what he’s for, right? My daughter will also shake her head and find something I lost or remind me when I’ve forgotten something. Oops. I figure I used up all those brain cells raising those two!
    Loved this story!

    • You and your kids sound like lots of fun! Love the inside jokes!

  8. KShaw said:

    My 12 year old gets mistaken for me on the phone all the time. She gets a kick out of that, and the fact that she is taller than I am too. It’s gotten so bad, that her daddy, who is in another town working right now, calls and starts talking to her about work, and house hunting and she said, “Uh, dad, do you want to talk to mom?” He was stunned. Now every time he calls, he establishes that it’s me! This has happened with my mother in law, my mom and my best friend. I suppose it doesn’t help that even though I am 34 and a mother of 5, people calling the house ask for my mom when I answer. (oh, and I have been told that I sound like a cartoon character on the phone. sigh)

  9. Caitlin said:

    My sister, my only sister, signs all of her texts to me.

    And my stepdaughter has just discovered the unreliable voice recognition software on our cellphones, so when she and her dad are out, I receive random messages like, “Meep” and “Woo John Cena” that were meant to be “Hello” and “What’s for supper?”

    • so funny! Maybe she means John Cena is coming over for supper! “Voice recognition” software should be renamed “Voice APPROXIMATION” software!

  10. Judy said:

    I totally have to identify myself as “Judy, your daughter” when calling my mother otherwise she gets so confused over who I am. She’s better now that she has caller ID and can see the phone number. Apparently my name means nothing to her, but my phone number… she knows who that is!

    Sometimes when I call and she can’t figure out who I am, I wait for her to announce “I have no daughter” and hang up. It could happen. My family is nuttier than a pecan farm. And no, my mom doesn’t have dementia.

  11. So you’re saying all of these years my mom KNEW it was me? lol maybe that’s why she just stopped answering the phone all together. My voicemails to her are now ” WHAT IF I HAD DRIVEN OFF A DITCH! OR WAS HAVING A BABY! OR MAYBE GOT BIT BY A POISONOUS SNAKE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE AND THIS IS THE ONLY CALL I CAN MAKE WITH THE LAST BAR OF BATTERY I HAVE? SEE NOW I’M DEAD. THANKS MOM.” lol seriously she NEVER answers the phone and gets mad when I don’t answer my phone within the first 3 rings.
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  12. All three of our daughters – who sound exactly alike – will say, “Hey. mom, it’s me” when they call here. Thank God for caller ID!

    I think children sign things with their first and last names because that’s the way they’re taught to do it in school, and if they have a popular name – heaven help them! My granddaughter was one of SEVEN Amandas in her first grade class. Yeah, Amanda V. sounds like a good idea.
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    • Holy Cow! SEVEN Amanda’s? I guess they WOULD have to offer the last name initial to differentiate!
      I wonder how George Forman handles that issue — didn’t he name ALL of his kids George Forman Jr, George Forman the 3rd, George Forman the 4th, and so on? I think even the girls were named Georgina!

  13. Julie said:

    HAHA! Yep must be fun in the Foreman house! My mom always blew a kiss and insisted you catch it before hanging up. We always kissed back. And we all still blow kisses when saying good bye, all my adult siblings and myself, and my adult children. It is hysterical when my daughter abscent mindedly blows a kiss to whom ever she might be talking to on the phone, like the auto mechanic. HA!

    • That is AWESOME! I love that tradition! So adorable!
      In my family, we routinely say “I love you” at the end of each call — even my teen son! When my teen daughter accidentally says that to her friends on the phone — no biggie. When my teen SON accidentally says that, he turns red and hems and haws. Pretty funny!