Slipping Stockings
by Darcy
So then, I wearily open my suitcase and pull out my special outfit for the big client presentation, the culmination of my four-day whirlwind trip to Hong Kong. Jetlag still renders me less than chipper, but I know I need to look my most professional if I am to win the confidence of Cho Lee Wang, Managing Partner of SunWin Manufacturing. I’ve heard that he is not necessarily enthusiastic about conducting business with women, especially one of those “aggressive American women,” so I am determined to dress demurely, speak respectfully, and present our program politely, but persuasively.
Though I typically favor business casual pants, I have brought a special black silk suit for this formal occasion. And yes, even the pearls and high heels will make an appearance today. But when I open the brand new package of pantyhose, I discover that it actually contains…stockings.
You know, stockings. The kind that are just individual casings for the legs, that are supposed to clip into the special garter belt you wear around your waist. Only I didn’t bring a special garter belt. Because I don’t own a special garter belt. I only wear pantyhose. You know, the kind that have the legs connected into a nifty little casing for your butt and waist that you just pull up and everything stays in place like it’s supposed to? Only I didn’t buy pantyhose. I bought stockings by mistake!
OK, no need to panic. I am an intelligent woman. I am staying in a sophisticated metropolis. Surely I can solve this problem before meeting the client downstairs at 7:00 a.m.
I call the front desk. “So sorry. Hotel gift shop not open until 9:00 a.m.”
I rifle through my suitcase. Two pairs of blue jeans. I had sent the business casual pants to the dry cleaners yesterday.
I call the front desk. “So sorry. Hotel dry cleaner not open until 8:00 a.m.”
Back to the suitcase. Two pairs of black trouser socks that come mid-calf. I try on the black silk skirt, which comes mid-knee.
But maybe…if I can just pull down the skirt a bit…and stretch the socks up as far as they can go…and just sort of hunch through the day, maybe it will work. I look in the mirror. Uh…no.
OK, perhaps I’ll just wear the suit without pantyhose. How bad can that be? Yes, it is January. Yes, it is freezing. My legs are just a shade whiter than snow. And I haven’t shaved since Halloween. I look in the mirror. Uh…no.
OK, I know, I know. I can call my boss. He’s just down the hall. Perhaps he has some pantyhose. Maybe his wife accidentally packed some for him. Or maybe he just travels with pantyhose for his own personal reasons. Who am I to judge? Perhaps I could just pop over to his room and pick them up before the meeting. Or perhaps he could just fire me for ineptitude before I even finish phrasing the question.
Back to the suitcase. I pull on the stockings. They actually look great. I walk around the room. With each step, they slide closer to my ankles. If only I had something to keep them up. I rummage through the hotel bathroom amenities. Qtips, cotton, shower cap, mini nail file. Boy, could I use a guy like MacGyver right about now.
So that gives me a great idea. I call the front desk again and ask if they happen to have pantyhose available for forgetful guests. “Pardon me?” she says.
“You know, like when guests forget toothpaste or hair dryers or whatnot, and you provide it for free? Well, I need pantyhose. Do you have any pantyhose?”
“So sorry. We do not offer this to guests,” she replies.
“Oh. Um…well, do YOU have any pantyhose I could borrow? Or even a garter belt? Black would be best, but at this point, I’m pretty desper—“
Click.
OK, no problem. I can handle this. My eyes dart around the room frantically, looking for some device to keep the stockings safely mid-thigh. I see the desk, which gives me a brilliant idea.
I zip downstairs to the 24-hour hotel business center. Luckily, it is deserted. I make a beeline for the complimentary office supplies and rummage through paperclips (too short to hook to my panties), glue (too messy), and staples (too painful). Aha! Tape! I hike up my skirt as discreetly as possible and wrap the tape around the top of the stocking and my right thigh several times. I walk around. It seems to hold pretty well. Excellent!
So I hike up my skirt to tape the stocking to my left thigh – just as my boss and Cho Lee Wang enter the Business Center.
Professional? No.
Memorable? Yes.
And interestingly enough, our sales to SunWin increased 11% that quarter.
