Just never you MIND how I know — I JUST KNOW!

Don't ask me HOW I know -- but, oh boy, DO I KNOW!!  #funny @SoThenStories.com

So then…I capture your attention to make a crucial Public Service Announcement.

When you become a person of a certain age, and you think you might need to pee…

Go pee. Go pee right that moment.

Don’t hold it.

Don’t wait.

Don’t think, “Oh, I have time. This is just the initial tingling. My bladder’s a sturdy beast. I’ve waited much longer before I’ve really needed to go.”

And whatever you do, don’t drink more liquid while pleasantly biding your time.

Just find a restroom right away.

And take care of yo’ bidness.

At the first inkling you think you need to go, just go.

Do not wait.

Because you may not make it.

*

Take my word for it.

*

Just never you mind how I know.

*

I just know.

*

It doesn’t matter how I know.

*

Omigod, why are you so obsessed with me?

*

Stop ASKING.

*

Stop LAUGHING.

*

It’s NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

*

Just…

Just trust me.

— Darcy Perdu

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(Look, it doesn’t MATTER if I’m talking about a toddler or someone my current age. Why is that important? The advice still stands. This may not even be ABOUT me. Just mind your own beeswax. So stop asking. Shut up. No, YOU shut up.)

For hilarious tales from the front lines of parenting — and my story of the most embarrassing thing I’ve EVER done — buy this rockin’ new book, I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone!
I Still Just Want To Pee Alone at Amazon.com




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26 replies on “Just never you MIND how I know — I JUST KNOW!

  1. Arionis said:

    Yeaaaaaa, we are gonna have to know more. TMI is not a part of your lexicon.

    • HA! Right, Arionis? Usually I’m more than happy to spill the details…

  2. Riiiight… There are some things you just “know”. Without having to go through it yourself. It’s just common knowledge, really. No need to explain. Not that you have anything to explain, I mean.

    *winks*
    Vinny C recently posted..Social Interaction – Leave It To Me.My Profile

    • BLESS YOU, Vinny! You get it. You totally get it.
      :)

  3. Dana said:

    Also very important; never assume that pressure you are feeling is gas, never push out what you think is gas. Keep it in and go to the toilet. … … … I also won’t be discussing how I know this.

  4. AinOakPark said:

    THANK YOU!

    I was just feeling sorry for myself because I let it go too long before scheduling a hair cut and then butchered my hair, on my own, in the bathroom. (Because.it.was.driving.me.NUTS!)

    This certainly puts it in perspective!…Now I can say, “Well, at least I didn’t…” while strengthening your point to act immediately when you get certain “feelings.”

  5. Lizzy said:

    Also, never trust that it is just gas.

  6. Paul said:

    Ahhh, yes. It is depressing how our bodies stop working the way they used to. On the positive side, we are much wiser – aren’t we? (Tell me yes, it is all I have to cling to.) :D

    • Yes. Uh-huh. Sure. Yep.
      (Ah Lawdy – I HOPE so!)

  7. What’s really fun is when you realize, at the same time, that you have to pee and you have to sneeze!

  8. Princess Judy said:

    Am I the only one who had to go pee before reading the entire post? That power of suggestion early on in the story…

    • Bwahahaha! I mesmerized you!
      “Listen closely…send me all your cash money…then go pee…”

  9. just1girl said:

    Pft, I’m twenty nine, and I know if I gotta go, dude I got. to. go.

    • You are wise beyond your years, woman!
      I thought just maybe, just MAYBE I still had time. But nope!

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